Issue at nursery pick-up - would you have expected an apology?

[CluelessInLondon]

Just wondering if I am BU/overreacting for thinking this other parent was a bit rude...

Went to pick up DD from nursery yesterday at about 5.45pm. There's a buggy shed at nursery where you can lock away pushchairs and we leave ours in there pretty much every morning, no issues since she started there in July. Yesterday I arrived to find that someone else had taken my pushchair - there was another the same brand and colour there, but very obviously not the same one (it had loads of stuff in the bottom and a fleecy seat liner which mine doesn't have).

I told the room lead who happened to be outside doing a handover at the time, and a few minutes later while we were still figuring out what to do (I had no alternative for getting DD home other than to walk the 20 minutes back home, get the car and come back) the phone rang and it was the parent who had taken my pushchair, belatedly realising he'd got the wrong one. He was asked to bring it back, and he arrived within about 10 minutes. I was waiting inside (parents aren't usually allowed in), and the room lead told him that I was ready to leave so could he leave the pushchair outside for me.

When I got outside, there was no sign of the pushchair or anybody who looked like they had it - it turned out he had locked it back in the shed and dashed off. Now, if I had made this mistake and accidentally nicked someone else's pushchair from nursery, I would have been absolutely mortified by the error and for inconveniencing another parent when it's freezing cold, dark and they need to get their child home - I would have made a point of waiting for them to come out so I could say sorry.

AIBU to think that it was a bit rude to just bung the pushchair back in the shed (especially when he'd been asked to leave it outside for me) and run off without saying sorry for the inconvenience? And if you'd made his mistake, would you have waited to apologise?

I didn't lose any sleep over it last night, but just curious if I'm expecting too much!

Probably left his DC on the car so rushing

I was given the wrong nappy changing bag for my DGC by the nursery staff. Same make and it was handed to me so I didn't take much notice. They phoned and I returned asap

We’re all different because I wouldn’t have wanted him to come in and give me a big apology. Isn’t that a bit awkward. Obviously it was a genuine mistake

Yes funnily enough my first assumption was that it must be a dad…….wonder why ? 🤔

He could have been in a rush for any number of reasons, and probably embarrassed.
Slightly rude but not a huge deal.

I would certainly have apologised to you. Common courtesy.

Mortified is a bit strong don’t you think? He probably didn’t think it was a big deal. You went in and stayed warm.

Sorry, I don't understand - you're guessing who is an only child? And frankly what has anybody being an only child or not got to do with me thinking it was a bit rude not to apologise for the inconvenience? 😕

I'm assuming you haven't read my posts properly. I was literally inside the door of the nursery waiting to be told that he had arrived with my pushchair so I could leave. I absolutely wasn't expecting him to come and find me, and he wouldn't have been allowed into the nursery anyway - I was only allowed inside so me and DD weren't waiting in the cold while they figured out whether there was a way of finding my pushchair before they knew who had it. But I did expect when I came outside that he would be there - as I've said more than once, if it was me who had made the error I would have waited for the other parent to come out (he was explicitly told I was right there and was coming now) to say a quick sorry. That's why I was curious as to what others would have done in that situation - I assumed I wouldn't be unusual in feeling a responsibility to apologise.

Wouldn't he have had his child with him? So he'd have to fetch his buggy, swap over then hang around outside with both, in the cold and wait for you? No, I wouldn't expect that.

I expect he misunderstood the instruction to leave outside and didn't want to leave it unsecured incase someone stole it and/or expected you didn't want to see him if he was to leave it outside.

Get over it and move on instead of over analysing something so minor.

The shed is really small, you can't wheel a buggy into it - the only way to get buggies in is to fold them up outside and then put them in. So I'm fairly sure he didn't have his child with him when he came back, because there wouldn't have been enough time to get the right pushchair out, swap his child over, put mine away, lock up and leave without me running into him. My assumption is he was already at home and he came back with the buggy empty. I was genuinely baffled when I got outside and there was no sign of him, I couldn't understand how he'd come and gone that quickly!

Indeed, first thing I thought was it's a dad.

Given some of the posts on here about incompetent men, I doubt he was embarrassed. He just didn't listen to the instruction given to leave it outside or care enough to follow it. He probably drifts through life only needing to care about himself so it wouldn't have occurred to him to apologise to you.

So you would put down a crawling 13 month old, outside, in the dark, while you fiddled with a padlock, opened a door and went inside where you would no longer be able to see them to get the pushchair? And you would assume the child would still be where you left them when you came back out? I don't know how many 13 month olds you've met, but mine doesn't understand "wait here, don't move" yet.

He probably assumed the room lead would pass on his apologies when he called so why would he hang around? Your language is very telling 'bung the pushchair in' and 'run off'. I understand you were inconvenienced but by making things up you make yourself more annoyed.

Some of us were brought up to be polite, it costs nothing. I'd have apologised for inconveniencing the OP.

Sadly two thirds of the poll votes agree with you. No one gives a stuff about anyone else nowadays (well 2/3's don't, the rest of us do).

So he's managed to do all that, plus get his own pushchair, strap his child in, lock the shed and disappear from sight before you even managed to get out of the building? Looks like you were too slow and he couldn't wait. No big deal.

He put your pushchair in a secure place because he couldn’t see anyone waiting to take it off him. For all he knew you had found another way to get home. Would you have rather he left it unattended to be nicked ?

No I wouldn’t have made a point of apologising. If you’d have been stood there I’d have said so sorry for the mix up but I wouldn’t have sought you out. The reason being it’s really not that big of a deal. It was a mistake, they realised and they brought it back very quickly. Don’t leave the buggy again if it’s going to upset you this much.

I don't think the guy would have even necessarily realised OP was in the building, that seems to be the most logical explaination here.

He realised he had the wrong pram when he got home, so he phoned up and returned it back to where OP would expect it to be. It's an easy mistake to make and one he immediately fixed.

You wanted him to just abandon it randomly in the street with no one around to claim it... nah.

That would be illegal, he is responsible for returning it safely to the place it was found and making sure it is left secure.

'but I told him just to abandon it' doesn't cut it, if it got stolen or you later claimed it was he would be liable for not returning it properly, he would also be liable if anyone got hurt from it being left in a random non designate place.

Ah,. fair enough.

Then I would guess he had left a child - quite possibly unsettled at being whizzed straight back out - unattended in the car and quickly swapped folded buggy for folded buggy.

I agree that an apology in person would have been nice, but I expect he was generally flustered and not at his best.

Fair point thank you

How do you manage literally every other time you have to get your pram out?

Also clearly you aren't alone right? I highly doubt the business (that rarely even lets people in) trusted you alone with the keys to lock up the building when your done.

How do you get the wrong pushchair, sounds like people need to concentrate more unless they are trying to pinch it?

I would assume she gets the buggy out, unfolds it, then rings the bell and is handed her child to put in.