Issue at nursery pick-up - would you have expected an apology?

[CluelessInLondon]

Just wondering if I am BU/overreacting for thinking this other parent was a bit rude...

Went to pick up DD from nursery yesterday at about 5.45pm. There's a buggy shed at nursery where you can lock away pushchairs and we leave ours in there pretty much every morning, no issues since she started there in July. Yesterday I arrived to find that someone else had taken my pushchair - there was another the same brand and colour there, but very obviously not the same one (it had loads of stuff in the bottom and a fleecy seat liner which mine doesn't have).

I told the room lead who happened to be outside doing a handover at the time, and a few minutes later while we were still figuring out what to do (I had no alternative for getting DD home other than to walk the 20 minutes back home, get the car and come back) the phone rang and it was the parent who had taken my pushchair, belatedly realising he'd got the wrong one. He was asked to bring it back, and he arrived within about 10 minutes. I was waiting inside (parents aren't usually allowed in), and the room lead told him that I was ready to leave so could he leave the pushchair outside for me.

When I got outside, there was no sign of the pushchair or anybody who looked like they had it - it turned out he had locked it back in the shed and dashed off. Now, if I had made this mistake and accidentally nicked someone else's pushchair from nursery, I would have been absolutely mortified by the error and for inconveniencing another parent when it's freezing cold, dark and they need to get their child home - I would have made a point of waiting for them to come out so I could say sorry.

AIBU to think that it was a bit rude to just bung the pushchair back in the shed (especially when he'd been asked to leave it outside for me) and run off without saying sorry for the inconvenience? And if you'd made his mistake, would you have waited to apologise?

I didn't lose any sleep over it last night, but just curious if I'm expecting too much!

Vastly overthinking it. Why would he wait around for you to come out when as you say it's freezing and dark and for all you know had his child with him?

The door is locked with a combination padlock - so you need to be able to turn it to the right combination, remove the padlock, open the door and get what you need out of the shed, it's not something I can easily do one-handed (it's also quite a small and poorly lit space with an uneven floor so not particularly safe to try and navigate if you're holding a baby). DD is 13mo, she can't stand unaided yet so I couldn't put her down.

Yikes, I hadn't even thought of the possibility of a CF parent thinking they could "accidentally" take the wrong thing from nursery! I did think when DD started nursery that everything is just very trusting and they assume no parent would ever want to pinch anything from another one. 🤔

The nursery seemed genuinely shocked that it had happened - context for people saying it "happens all the time" at their nursery. They honestly had no idea what to do or what to suggest before the other parent got in touch so it must rarely/never have happened before at this one. We've added a footmuff to ours this morning for the cold weather, so hopefully it's less likely to get muddled up again (and I bet the dad will double check he's got the right one next time he's on pick-up duty!).

I would just be happy my pram got returned and I wasnt stuck without it

I would have just thought it was in a rush! It's a massive inconvenience to have to dash back to the nursery - his fault completely, which he admitted and put right, but it's still an inconvenience.

He went back, swapped quickly and moved on

I would just be pissed off because he wasted my time, but at least he fixed it eventually. Staying around and trying to find you for small talks? no.

I would have knocked on the nursery to let them know it's been returned and to apologise to the owner, but in your shoes I wouldn't think too much of this. He called, came back quickly and you could go home. No big deal.

I would almost certainly have locked it away, given he had to unlock the shed to get his out, it would almost be weirder to lock the shed back up and leave yours outside unsecured. And given he managed to do all of that AND be gone before you got out, he might have thought you’d still be a little while still.

I’d also assume he apologised on the phone and so his swap over was purely transaction in his mind.

Either embarrassment and dashed off or something else was urgent.
Wait a day or two and see if the parent comes and apologises.
Sometimes it could be just that they want to avoid arguments as some parents can be explosive.

And personally i would be mortified if i took someone's else's stuff.
Definitely would wait and ask for forgiveness. But people are different.
Some have more stress, some are rushing everything, some dont care and so on.

I once came out the store, went to "my car" whilst checking receipt and got into someone's elses car (exactly the same as mine) only to have person sitting on passenger side start screaming. Its been 3 years and i still havent gotten past it, i check nr plate each time 😅🤣

So the guy realised he had taken the wrong one, phoned as soon as he realised and returned it immediately to the secure facility where they always go?

Yeah, I fail to see the problem here. Why do you need him to grovel and apologise?

In an ideal world, yes he would have apologised.

But it really wouldn't register with me beyond a fleeting thought.

He probably apologised on the phone. He brought it's straight back when asked. He obviously had to get his own buggy out of the shed, so put yours in there while he was there (forgot what he'd been told about leaving it outside).

Sounds like he was having a 'mare of a day! I've been there! I'd have sympathy for another parent who was.

Where in any of my posts did I say anything about grovelling? What I said was that if it was me, I would feel bad about inconveniencing someone when they needed to get home, so I would have wanted to hand the pushchair back and say sorry for the mistake, not just get the hell away as quickly as possible. It's such a Mumsnet thing for people to read the words someone has written and then jump to something much more extreme. I already said I was curious for views because his actions didn't fit with how I would respond in that situation, and caused extra hassle for me - it's other people on this thread who are blowing it up into something much bigger!

so your complaint is.... that the parent locked the pushchair where the pushchairs are meant to be locked up? I am guessing this is an only child?

Innocent misunderstanding, he brought it straight back and put it securely in the shed rather than leaving it out where it could have been stolen. Maybe he needed to run back home as going back to nursery was unexpected - maybe other parent wasn't back from work yet and he had the kids in the car. In any event I would really not consider this something that he would need to make an effort to personally apologise for - he brought it back, and he didn't break it or anything.

It has inconvenienced you , all these people saying its not a big deal, I bet they would be pretty miffed off if they turned up and found this had happened, you may have needed to get somewhere quickly too.

If i was this parent ,I would have knocked on the nursery door and taken the opportunity to apologise, that would be the decent thing to do.

I don't blame you OP, a quick sorry would have been nice.

I think you are reading too much into this. Like way too much. He had to interrupt his evening to bring the pushchair back. Of course, the mistake was entirely his fault and it was entirely reasonable to make him correct it there and then, but who knows what he'd left behind? Did he have a tired, cold kid with him? Maybe he's a single parent and the kids were cranky and hungry?

No, I wouldn't expect an apology tbh. I'd just want it to get sorted out so I could take my kid home ASAP.

If you were out within a minute, he surely must have already locked it in the shed before he was told to leave it outside.

He had to collecf his from the shed, so simply made the swap without thinking it could inconvenience you.

He should have apologised if he saw you, but probably was in a rush to get back and didn't know how long you'd be. As you didn't see him despite being outside so quickly, that wasn't an unreasonable thought.

Maybe you'll get an apology next time you cross paths.

Why would he hang about in the cold if the staff asked him to leave it outside for you? And he was probably in a hurry to get back to his child.

I think 'he' explains it all - he is probably going to have to admit to his wife that he doesn't know which pushchair their child rides around in, and he feels pretty stupid in front of you and the staff. Still should have sucked it up and apologised though x

It’s just a mistake. I think you are over blowing it.

I agree with you. He should've doubled checked with the nursery when returning it and apologised to you knowing you were still there and had clearly been inconvenienced. I'm a bit surprised by all the what's excuses tbh, he made a mistake, inconvenienced someone, he should apologise.

Did he even know you were there? Could he have spoken to the nursery, apologised to them about the mix up, returned the pram and (in his view) locked it securely away for when you turned up to collect your child?

It sounds like a complete accident. I would not worry about it.

DH once put another child's winter boots on our child and brought her home in them. The boots were identical but 4 sizes smaller than our child's (god knows how he got them on her feet). So he had to go scuttling back with 2 grumpy preschoolers in tow - he apologised to staff at the door.