Hurt by DH's reasons I can’t come on group holiday

[fayesfair]

Hi everyone. I’m currently pregnant with DH and Is first child, due at the end of December. DH and most of his uni friends turn 30 next year, so they have planned 2 group holidays.
1 in February to go Skiing, obviously I won’t go on this one as baby will be tiny and I actually can’t stand skiing. One in July, where they will spend some days at a sports campus type place playing tennis/padel, swimming etc, one day they have hired a boat to go out and have a boat day, ocean swim, another day they plan to go a water park or something, then probably last day back at the sports campus.
2 of the partners of the 8 men are invited, 1 makes sense she went to uni with them is very much part of the group, the other is relatively new.

I asked DH if I could join for a day or 2, baby will be about 7 months and my parents have already offered to have him for a night or 2. He has said no. I asked why and he said “it will be quite a sporty and competitive trip, the other girls are really sporty, but you wouldn’t enjoy all the sports and will probably complain it’s boring the whole time”.
Now I’m hardly Serena Williams but I don’t think I’m awful at sports and while I do think the water park and maybe go karting which is also on their list isn’t up my street, I’d just come for one of the sports days and the boat day.

AIBU to be hurt by his reasons?

Maybe he kicked off a bit when his uni friends first asked to bring their wife/partner and he doesn't want you to come as a result.
It sounds like it was originally planned as a lads' holiday and now it's turned into something else.

But given how much she bangs on about holidays and going out and how life shouldn't change after a baby,

And this is also judgemental, unpleasant and inaccurate. OP hasn’t “banged on” about any such thing. With mild (but polite) exasperation, she has responded to posters asking about holidays and babies, even though that wasn’t her AIBU question, she has clarified that she and DH will change their holiday plans if they feel differently once baby is here and - as far as I can see - she hasn’t mentioned going out at all. And then several very reasonable posts asking people to respond to her original question.

You’ve just decided to judge her and have made up your own narrative.

She may feel differently he may still want to go on his lads’ holiday though. I’m not as optimistic as she is that changes of heart after the birth will coordinate.

That’s why she may have an entirely different problem regarding this holiday once the baby arrives.

Have you ever heard the phrase about "borrowing trouble"?

OP might feel differently - but please note that I was responding to a specific and quoted PP about her unpleasantness

And also - that’s not what OP asked

Can you point me to where OP said her reason to bottle feed was for a holiday? Plenty of people choose to bottle feed from day dot for plenty of different reasons. Nothing wrong with that! But stay on your high horse there.

Totally different situation.

ok

Why would you want to tag along. Honestly in this case I understand your dh reasons as long as you are ok being on your own with a baby. Two holidays is alot but as you pointed out you did the same last year. I'd let this one go.

I think it probably makes sense not to go and understand his reasons. If those two partners are particularly sporty and you’re not super competitively sporty then you might struggle to fit in with the others. He’s probably being kind in that sense.

I do agree with others though that two holidays abroad without you when you have a small baby is excessive.

Have you heard the phrase: “Keep your powder dry?”

Your husband's reason for you not going was completely tactless and a tad cruel, particularly considering you are pregnant.
He should have realized this by now and apologise.

I completely get what you mean. You’re happy with one parent or relative looking after baby. (So are we - and my wider family.)
you’re happy with partners going on trips. Eg: lads trips, girls trips but this is neither. It’s a mixed trip so it hurts that you have been denied an invite. IMO it’s either mixed or not. There shouldn’t be some partners permitted and some not. That’s divisive and unfair. The reasons why you aren’t included are also unfair. So all 10 people have to be doing the same thing and at the same ability level in order to have fun? Ridiculous outlook. I wonder if another female going upsets the rooming arrangements?

But it's not for to decide whether she gets to go or not, as it's not her trip.

She's made very clear that it's not for her to decide – no one is arguing that.

Yet again, the issue is how her husband has spoken to her, and of course there are countless other ways to word it – most obviously that the schedule/opportunity for dipping in and out of the sports days is not flexible, but that he loves traveling with her and is looking forward to their own trip together. You know – the way a DH is meant to talk to his DW and the woman who is just about to give birth to your child.

The bigger issue is that this trip can likely very much accommodate OP, and husband simply doesn't want her there.

This is just to say the Demon hunter dolls I purchased (girls) that were in individual boxes that took ages to arrive were actually being sent from China and are so awful I won't even give them away to a charity shop... the legs are made in 2 parts and split apart... I then bought some more that come in a 3 in 1 box and they are OK...!

Demon hunter dolls... I know they all are made in China but I think maybe the ones sold by someone from this country hopefully are better quality... As. I said my second ones are better.

At 7 MONTHS? Why would you need to be sleeping in the day by that stage. Awful lot of people have been back at work by then

As to the holidays, the first one no issue as the OP did the same. Second one I'm in two minds about but that's because of the DH saying no
Don't see the issue of the OP going for a couple of days. If she doesn't like all the sporty stuff then she won't go again

Then I will answer ypu. 15 years i put up with, no its a lads night, only to find i was the only wag left at home, or it's a lads holiday, only to find out too late otherwise.
Yes, it could be healthy to holiday separately. It's absolutely not healthy for him to say you wouldn't enjoy it. Its a massive red flag of how hes going to continue. Get out as soon as you can or prepare to be put behind everything, for your own good of course, you wouldn't enjoy it anyway...

Me too,!!