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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inappropriate message in DP’s leaving card?

247 replies

Helenavets · 20/11/2025 17:54

DP had his final day in his job yesterday and got a lot of gifts and presents.

His card has been signed by all his colleagues, I noticed one message signed off by a female says ‘I will miss you my favourite DILFY colleague xxxx”

I asked who this was and she’s a single woman a similar age to him.

Am I reading a bit too much into this?

OP posts:
ChachaIntheLongrun · 21/11/2025 19:06

Don't be worried. May be it is a joke, may be someone else wrote it, may be he does not like her that way, may be she did it so that enrages you

Namechanged999999 · 21/11/2025 19:09

I think she’s just being amusing.

MadameTwoSwords · 21/11/2025 19:12

Oh my goodness! Clutching my pearls and crying! Don't they know jokes were outlawed in 2018, I'd be calling HR and demanding she be sacked for attempting to shag MY husband

Jvce · 21/11/2025 19:13

Could it be just a joke. I work with the often drunk public and someone once called a colleague hot Harry Potter. It stuck. If someone had wrote that in his leaving card it certainly wouldn’t have been meant as anything other than a joke. Context is key.

Youdontseehow · 21/11/2025 19:16

I think it’s a poorly thought out bit of “banter”.

But I need to know - I know DILF is dad I’d like to fuck - but what is the “Y” in DILFY?

ContinuewithGoogle · 21/11/2025 19:17

GCinAcademia · 21/11/2025 18:47

🤢🤢🤢

There's two possibilities here:

  1. He's allowed, enabled or invited this from her, which is entirely possible.
  2. This is the first time she's said anything like this, unprompted, in which case it's sexual harassment.
Edited

and that's seriously the ONLY 2 possibilities that you can accept?

FFS 🙄

Mcoco · 21/11/2025 19:19

I think harmless banter that you shouldn't worry about. I wonder her age too? I think if they were having an affair she wouldn't have writen that in his card. If she was foolish enough to write it and they were having an affair your partner would never have shown the card to you.

Calliopespa · 21/11/2025 19:22

Oldwmn · 21/11/2025 19:02

You are.

Show quote history

Well it depends what she is "reading into it."

If she means can she conclude they are definitely conducting a red hot affair behind her back, probably yes, that's reading too much into it.

But if she just means there is someone at her DH's work who feels she can get away with an overtly flirty comment, and all the potentially inappropriate implications of things having somehow got to that point (not mentioning op, lapping up sexual compliments etc) then probably not.

Bluestar1971 · 21/11/2025 19:25

Yes

GCinAcademia · 21/11/2025 19:28

ContinuewithGoogle · 21/11/2025 19:17

and that's seriously the ONLY 2 possibilities that you can accept?

FFS 🙄

Show quote history

What other possibilities are there?

Dweetfidilove · 21/11/2025 19:39

It's inappropriate of her, and perhaps he worked in an environment with gutter bants.
Unless your relationship is unstable, this wouldn't be what derails it surely.

NimbleDreamer · 21/11/2025 19:46

IsThisTheWaytoSlamMyPillow · 20/11/2025 18:53

It’s a variation of MILF/DILF and doesn’t mean the same at all - it means someone at work who’s the ‘team dad’ or father figure. So usually older, wiser and takes the young ‘uns under their wing.

Not inappropriate at all if you know the meaning. It’s not the same as DILF/MILF I promise!

What a load of bollocks.

HevenlyMeS · 21/11/2025 19:46

Greetings original commenter
I'm so sorry for my ignorance but please can you inform me of what DILFY means or abbreviates 🤔?it does seem a bit inappropriate but because I don't know what this word means or abbreviates I don't completely comprehend 💚🤔💚

August1980 · 21/11/2025 20:03

Could it be an in house acronym? I work for a global tech giant (very well known) and we have some very very out there acronyms- did they work on a project that was called that? Which is why she was confident to put in front of other colleagues?

nothing to worry about OP, the reality is if he is going to run off with his colleague what will worrying do? Stop him? I doubt!

my husband got a body massager as a gift from his colleagues so random.. I did ask him if they were coming around on rotas to help with him as I certainly am not doing it! Got my hands full with a puppy and a toddler!

DBSFstupid · 21/11/2025 20:11

haveaword · 20/11/2025 18:00

Dad Id like to f**k

Show quote history

But it doesn't fit?

DBSFstupid · 21/11/2025 20:15

Helenavets · 20/11/2025 21:15

2 years. He has been there since before we met.

Edit to add he ‘thinks’ some of his colleagues are aware of me but he definitely never mentioned me to the one who wrote that message.

Edited
Show quote history

Sorry that is a bit odd OP

CypressGrove · 21/11/2025 20:21

Helenavets · 20/11/2025 21:15

2 years. He has been there since before we met.

Edit to add he ‘thinks’ some of his colleagues are aware of me but he definitely never mentioned me to the one who wrote that message.

Edited
Show quote history

I thought the DILFY on the card was just banter - but this is a bit of a red flag. Why is he so definite he never mentioned you to her? Was that because he deliberately never mentioned you?
I find it very strange when people don't mention partners at all - surely it comes up with normal conversation- i.e. any plans for the weekend, do anything fun on the weekend?

HevenlyMeS · 21/11/2025 20:30

Thank you for your enlightenments
🤗💚🤗Yes I do feel it's inappropriate now, especially to put it in writing, but if she doesn't know he's spoken for, it's unacceptable on the partner's behalf, then of course 😥

LouiseK93 · 21/11/2025 21:02

Dad Ide Like to Fuck

MyAmusedPearlSquid · 21/11/2025 22:15

It could be anything but I wouldn't be impressed by this it's inappropriate

Iwillcomeouttheotherend · 21/11/2025 22:55

Slowgrowingelm · 20/11/2025 20:05

I’m amazed at the number of people that think this couldn’t possibly be at all suspicious.

OP it may well be office ‘bants’ but my ex had something about how wonderful it was “working under you” in his card. I read that and something about it didn’t seem right to me. As it happens - despite him having me and several young children at home, and her having a husband and young child also at home - they called each other boyfriend and girlfriend, had been sleeping with each other for at least a year, and the whole office knew about it. My ex also had several mistresses on the go, and loved to visit prostitutes but that’s a whole other story.

Don’t assume it’s bad. It probably it’s. But maybe keep an eye out…

edited for appalling spelling

Edited

How very traumatic that must have been for you.

My husband was a trillion % “not the sort to cheat”

Found out he’d been having an affair with colleague for 4.5 years.
I gained access to professional emails between them.
Example of 1of 1000’s of threads -
Her - “ Thanks for approving”
Him - “I’m always on top of it”
Her “I know, you never let me down”

The card might be just banter … ???
For people having an affair, sexual banter can also be incredibly exciting, to an onlooker …. It’s ….. just banter.

OP, I hope this is just silly innocent banter. Finding out your husband has been having an affair is the worst pain ever and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

“

CinnamonBuns67 · 21/11/2025 23:01

Yanbu. Even if I thought a colleague was attractive, I'd not write something like that in his card even if he was single because it's inappropriate.

ImGoneUnderground · 21/11/2025 23:56

Helenavets · 20/11/2025 17:54

DP had his final day in his job yesterday and got a lot of gifts and presents.

His card has been signed by all his colleagues, I noticed one message signed off by a female says ‘I will miss you my favourite DILFY colleague xxxx”

I asked who this was and she’s a single woman a similar age to him.

Am I reading a bit too much into this?

He didn't write it - some random did - ignore it xx

IDontHateRainbows · 21/11/2025 23:58

SleepyHollowed84 · 20/11/2025 18:20

Absolutely wouldn't worry. Do you really think if he was having an affair she would write that. 😂

Ever heard of hiding in plain sight?

Calliopespa · 22/11/2025 00:59

IDontHateRainbows · 21/11/2025 23:58

Ever heard of hiding in plain sight?

Show quote history

Also, remember that as the single partner in any possible affair, she doesn't necessarily have the same vested interest in hiding it. Lots of OW actually want to force things into the open.

FWIW op, just from your DH's not very strategic move of admitting to you he hasn't told her about you, I don't think he is actually having an affair BUT I think she fancies him at least a little (why else would she bother writing something potentially cringe/inappropriate?) and I think he clearly isn't giving good close down vibes. Something for him to think about as he changes job?