Inappropriate message in DP’s leaving card?

[Helenavets]

DP had his final day in his job yesterday and got a lot of gifts and presents.

His card has been signed by all his colleagues, I noticed one message signed off by a female says ‘I will miss you my favourite DILFY colleague xxxx”

I asked who this was and she’s a single woman a similar age to him.

Am I reading a bit too much into this?

I think it’s definitely inappropriate and grim. Imagine if we were all discussing a single man saying this about his married female colleague.

Wait, he hasn’t even mentioned he has a partner to his work colleagues? Like not at all?? Well, that’s weird, also adds a bit more context to that comment. How long have you been together?

OP I find it more worrying that he said she/no one at his work knows about you. How long have you been together? How long has he worked there? I’m pretty sure I’m aware, even vaguely of the approx marital status of pretty much all my immediate colleagues at work. Did you know he had never mentioned you, or did that just come up tonight?

Christ, declaring such a sentiment in full view of everyone else in the office, never mind at his home, is utterly shameless.
I think lowering the general tone in such a way is cause for disciplinary measures, myself.
Though this might not be a case in point, surely when remarks like this are acceptable, harassment must be rife (and HR without any power).

I would not be happy with this written in a card to my husband. It’s also very odd for his colleague not to know about you. Hopefully it’s just that this woman has overstepped and there is nothing more to it. I’d be doing some heavy questioning though, to put my mind at ease.

2 years. He has been there since before we met.

Edit to add he ‘thinks’ some of his colleagues are aware of me but he definitely never mentioned me to the one who wrote that message.

Fucking bitch.

Gross and inappropriate. I'd be a bit wary of the fact he is giving an image of a single man.

It’s probably just a joke. I had lots of stupid running jokes with colleagues when I worked full time in the office. It’s a way to pass the time!

All sounds a bit WEIRDY.

Don’t be worried- that poster is projecting a LOT.

Be thankful Dp wont be working with her anymore! I would however keep my eye and if her name pops up anywhere else like DP's phone or email - kick his backside!!

Alarm bells ringing a bit over the card… Bur definitely alarm bells ringing over him telling very few people about you at work… And he KNOWS that she doesn’t know about you?

Nope, don’t like that man’s attitude at all.

What does the ‘I’ stand for?

Darling I Love To F**k You.

Omg I'm cringing for her that she even thought about writing that in a card! Yeah no not acceptable at all, I'm amazed so many MNers are actually ok with it? If it was a man he'd probably be classed as a giant perv/creep/misogynist and it'd be called sexual harassment. I don't see how it's "bantz" either.

Where are all you working to say it’s just workplace banter!? It’s highly inappropriate and clearly they are flirting together.

Are you sure someone else didn’t do it as a joke? That’s embarrassing if she wrote it herself!!

Also, what does the ‘D’ stand for?

Hmm. I’d guess she does know about you, is maybe annoyed your DP is leaving and is a bit jealous of you, so purposely wrote that crass message knowing you’d more than likely see it and hoping it would upset you.

Whether there’s anything going on between the two of them, who knows? I suspect your DP would have ‘lost’ the card if there was something between them because he wouldn’t want you to see that and draw deductions. My feeling is that she fancies him, keeps making plays for him and joking like this, but he’s not been interested. She’s then spitefully written that to get at you because you have the man she wants.

This wouldn’t bother me.
I have quite a ‘bantery’ workplace and I know many colleagues who would put a lot worse.

The not telling them about you is weird though - does he lie or it just not come up?

Well usually "dad" but if he's not got kids it doesn't even make sense, she's just so desperate to tell him how fuckable he is in a cutesy "might just about get away with that" way 😡

I feel like I'm in an alternate universe reading some of these comments. This kind of 'banter' would turn me feral because why on Earth would she think that was an appropriate thing to say unless he's encouraged it??

Personally, if some bloke at work was calling me milfy I'd be reminding him I'm happily married and I don't think I'm unreasonable to expect the same of my husband tbh

Wouldn't bother me, if they were having an affair she's not going to write it in a card

obviously nothing happened, and it's not the sort of thing she would write if they had plan to see each other again.

It's not terribly appropriate, but it's not sending any alarm bell.

Someone who he had got really close to, and who is a great "friend" signing: all the best,
would worry me a lot more!

I think it really depends on what the workplace banter is like. In one previous workplace someone wrote “fuck my chocolate hole” in a birthday card to our line manager that we all signed - they were not fucking, it was a reference to a stupid conversation we’d had in the office where someone misheard something. But if you didn’t work there you wouldn’t know that and it would come across very different. So I can imagine this being similar and unless I had other reasons to be suspicious I wouldn’t think anything of it.