Inappropriate message in DP’s leaving card?

[Helenavets]

DP had his final day in his job yesterday and got a lot of gifts and presents.

His card has been signed by all his colleagues, I noticed one message signed off by a female says ‘I will miss you my favourite DILFY colleague xxxx”

I asked who this was and she’s a single woman a similar age to him.

Am I reading a bit too much into this?

Yes immensely imperative point 💚

This is the message to get across.
His behaviour is falling short in one way or another and he needs to understand this.

This is being raised to improve his professional reputation (as opposed to anyone’s fears).

Met and got on well with someone at a work event. Made arrangements to meet again soon. Met and got on well again. Made arrangements to meet for dinner, but not quite as quickly as the chap was moving house so could only do xyz day.

On the date of his moving house, I was surprised to be coming down the communal stairs of my own house to find him, wife and child, movers and cardboard boxes.

Of all the houses in all the world, he had to walk into mine… (Bogart)

Why should OP dress up her concerns as being a desire to "improve his professional reputation", @newnamehereonceagain? That would be bizarre and is not her responsibility anyway. He however does have a responsibility not to hide her existence at work and so avoid giving a false impression of being single.

For someone to write this in a card, where you'll see it suggests they've probably both been at the end of some humour from colleagues.
I work with a couple of female colleagues much younger than me, and they'd both say things to me, that an outsider would think was flirtatious as a minimum, and sexual harassment if it was transcripted as a genuine complaint to H.R. I'm not in the least bit flattered or interested, but I accept its humour, and maybe not to everyone's taste.
I think it suggests a work group where people are relaxed around each other while being able to do their work.

It sounds to me like the colleague is sending coded language to you that your husband is up to no good in the workplace and not to be trusted. I think it’s time to seriously start lining your ducks up I’m afraid.

Be prepared anyway. 😢

@Iwillcomeouttheotherend at the time yes, particularly as every time I thought ‘ok, well that must be it, surely?’ something else would come out. He always comes across as this really laid back, relaxed person but he had been doing soo many terrible things, it was a very crazy, fraught period of time. Ultimately though I am so much better off, and interestingly the kids seem to see right through him (wrong, I know but it does give me lots of satisfaction!).

But as you say a lot of the time it is just banter. I certainly didn’t mean to imply it never is, but I wish to god I’d been a bit less naive about the possibility.

Why is he leaving? In some work places relationships between colleagues (he her boss/she his boss) is a sackable offence. Coldplay couple. Is he/she being smart & making things right to enable an affair to continue?

Well yes, you could do that. I don’t think the sexes are held to the same standards though. If he were to do that, overwhelmingly people would think he was being ridiculous.

I think you have a point about a double standard. 🤔
I also think OP's dear 🙄 husband coulda and shoulda tossed the card out of respect.

I think it suggests a work group where people are relaxed around each other while being able to do their work.

Where on earth are you getting that from? Dabbling in clairvoyancy?

Except it sounds like she doesn’t realise it would be an affair as she doesn’t know OP exists!

i mean obviously, and its maybe been said already as I’ve not rtft. Is he actually fuckable. Must men are not. Have a look at Her as well. That’ll give you a clue. Is she young thin well dressed or not? That’s men for you.

Well clearly the op thinks he is as she married him, what a daft question, and as much as you don’t fancy men on the whole, doesn’t mean other women don’t.

😂

I guess she must fancy him. But it hardly indicates they're having a torrid affair. As long as he doesn't suddenly want to keep meeting up with her or talking to her then it's just an unreciprocated crush.

I was about to say that she’s an unprofessional twat writing something in a colleagues card like that, and if there were any weight to it- he would have hidden the card from you.

But the alarm bells for me are that his colleagues (bar, maybe one!) don’t know about you?! If they’re friendly enough to be calling each other DILF etc… they’re having friendly/banter conversations at work.. so him not mentioning you is a conscious act.

I dated someone once who was very much “my private life is private”. But this just meant he was fucking anyone he could in and out of work, and keeping it under wraps. (until I exposed him!)

I think that's about the size of it op.

If he is moving on, I wouldn't worry - unless she follows him up.

I don't think it would be unreasonable for you to point out to him that if he keeps you under wraps and never mentions he has a partner, he is inviting that sort of banter.

Pile of nonsense on this thread! Someone wrote on my leaving card “Most of all I’ll miss the sex” - really made us all laugh. In fact, still makes me smile now. Just a lovely colleague and office banter.

That’s hilarious

Yes, that is actually quite funny if it happens to someone else, but if it were written to me or DH, honestly I'd be pretty annoyed about that comment.

Yes this is immensely true
Brilliant point you've made 💚