Inappropriate message in DP’s leaving card?

[Helenavets]

DP had his final day in his job yesterday and got a lot of gifts and presents.

His card has been signed by all his colleagues, I noticed one message signed off by a female says ‘I will miss you my favourite DILFY colleague xxxx”

I asked who this was and she’s a single woman a similar age to him.

Am I reading a bit too much into this?

Exactly - it sounds like he's a player and the comment on the card is letting the cat out of the bag.

Secret girlfriend? That's an air raid siren going off.

Many years ago I was asked out by a colleague who had been flirting with me constantly in work and all the other young women were telling me to go for it.
"He's gorgeous!" - but my instinct was telling me something was off.

He invited me out for dinner one evening and at the end of the meal asked me to pay... as he only had a cheque (which he showed me) and he didn't think the restaurant would cash it for him... He talked about paying me back multiple times but never did...

Nonetheless, he still pursued me at the company Xmas event not long after.
I kept my distance.

The following day I bumped into him accidentally in the city centre with a young woman in his company. He clumsily introduced me to his "fiancée" - I politely said hello and hurried away in absolute shock.
Secret girlfriend/fiancée means he's a player.

Trust your instinct - every time - that's my life lesson.

Eww

I don't understand how he's close enough to his colleagues for that sort of banter, but not close enough to tell them he's had a girlfriend for the last 2 years?

I’m going to guess that this person knows that you will read the card and wants to cause something between you and DH

you can have very "friendly" banter but still have a very very superficial relationship. You joke around, mention a few bits about sports, or parties, but have 0 idea of what their real life looks life. It's work.

I am not a huge fan of that level of banter, but it's normal to make small talk and be very friendly with colleagues, without actually saying anything at all.

🤔 not sure. What’s strikes me as odd is that he never mentions you. I’m not overly familiar with my colleagues but I would know their partners names.

i think it’s inappropriate OP.
I’m not saying anything physical has happened of course but I reckon there’s been some kind of flirty banter between them. Really depends on your boundaries as a couple. If he called someone a milf (who was the same age) woudl you find this offensive and crossing the line? Or would it just be a funny joke

It isn't appropriate but your DH is leaving so it isn't an issue that needs dealing with.

Such a weird thing to write. She must be pretty confident that the feeling is at least somewhat mutual as it's such an HR reportable thing to say. His work place sounds toxic as hell if she is just moving in on a married guy for all her colleagues to see.

Some people really are that audacious

do you? I have no idea about most of my colleagues' private lives. At best "my wife" might have been mentioned, I can't see how my husband would pop up in a conversation. It's people I go out for drinks with, or even on trips together, we are not antisocial but partners are not a subject that comes up.

I barely know if they have kids or not, and only when it pops up when we book time off around the school holidays.

‘Shame someone had to spoil the card by writing a vulgar message. I’ll be more impressed with you when you start at <newco> if you introduce me to your new colleagues’

How old is she? I think most PP’s are showing their age. Dilfy is how young ones describe older, fit paternal figures.

My teen DD and her friends describe their biology teacher as dilfy. It’s like saying he’s a fitty but also old and kind and nice. They definitely don’t want to fuck him!

It’s not the same as MILF in American Pie.

My teen DD also says that one of her dad’s best friends who she has known since she was born and is practically an uncle to her is dilfy. He sees it as an insult as he doesn’t consider himself old 😂

I wouldn't like this part at all.

Yes totally inappropriate, the woman has no shame and has embarrassed herself putting that in a card which she knew many others (including you) would see. Thankfully he’s leaving as she has made her intentions clear. I wouldn’t be happy if husband kept in touch with her after that. You’re totally in the right being annoyed at that.

This. She might be the sort to flippantly say things like this, but she shouldn't have put that in his card.

Hardly your DHs fault. And he's left now so what can you do anyway

I completely agree but I suspect the standard that gets applied in fact wouldn't be as strict.

I doubt that would be written in any card at my workplace as it is very staid, but if it was I would laugh and show it to DW. I certainly wouldn't take it at all seriously or that it was some kind of come-on. Everyone ought to know I'm in a relationship as I wear a wedding ring.

I have no interest in an affair at all but it crosses my mind that if I did I wouldn't be showing it to DW.

🤢🤢🤢

There's two possibilities here:

1. He's allowed, enabled or invited this from her, which is entirely possible.
2. This is the first time she's said anything like this, unprompted, in which case it's sexual harassment.

And yet he knows that she is single. Odd isn't it?

It's inappropriate.

There was a thread a while back where the op was up in arms because a much older (clearly not hot!) man at work had greeted her with something like "Morning Beautiful."

I think she took it as a sexually driven statement of objective assessment of her looks, whereas I can think of lots of people of that generation, including ladies (one, in particular, in our local bakery), who say that to me and it's totally harmless/asexual.

But plenty of posters maintained it was out of line, sexual harassment, misogyny and so on and so on ...

Against that background, I cannot see how this would pass as "banter." MN is (crazily) inconsistent at times.

Well it’s not ideal but unlikely to be serious written in a publicly shared card.

You are.