Inappropriate message in DP’s leaving card?

[Helenavets]

DP had his final day in his job yesterday and got a lot of gifts and presents.

His card has been signed by all his colleagues, I noticed one message signed off by a female says ‘I will miss you my favourite DILFY colleague xxxx”

I asked who this was and she’s a single woman a similar age to him.

Am I reading a bit too much into this?

Yes. Completely normal to tell your work colleague that he’s a dad you’d like to fuck. Completely normal banter. 🙄 Why has he allowed this? He enjoys it/the ego stroke. They’re both completely out of line.

Fuck.

You heard the expression hiding in plain sight? it's a variation of

Urban dictionary has this:

It's cringe and I wouldn't be impressed, but I wouldn't automatically think that it had any basis in reality. I hate 'bants' - they're disrespectful and a way of saying outrageous things that wouldn't ever be permitted in usual circumstances.

If she had written: "I'm so sad you're leaving, because I've always fancied you and now I won't be able to fantasise about sleeping with you when I see you around the office" that would be completely inappropriate. But hey, DILF is just 'bants'. Why did your husband think it was ok?

It could be an in joke, DH once got referred to in a police statement (work related) as 5'8, he's 6'4 but his colleagues now all make 5'8 and short comments in his cards

I’m amazed at the number of people that think this couldn’t possibly be at all suspicious.

OP it may well be office ‘bants’ but my ex had something about how wonderful it was “working under you” in his card. I read that and something about it didn’t seem right to me. As it happens - despite him having me and several young children at home, and her having a husband and young child also at home - they called each other boyfriend and girlfriend, had been sleeping with each other for at least a year, and the whole office knew about it. My ex also had several mistresses on the go, and loved to visit prostitutes but that’s a whole other story.

Don’t assume it’s bad. It probably it’s. But maybe keep an eye out…

edited for appalling spelling

Op I think it's unacceptable and inappropriate .
If I ever saw her i would introduce myself and say who I am big smiles and then ask her why she wrote it and it she felt it was appropriate .

Oh god you’ve worried me now. I like to think he wouldn’t do anything but I’m sure you once said the same.

I wouldn’t judge that anybody who would write something like that has any boundaries or sense at all. So I wouldn’t rule out other behaviour based on it

Oh, FFS.

All it means is that she thinks your partner is hot. So what?

The fact that office affairs have happened to other people is irrelevant. Please don’t let MN paranoia make you spiral. There are people on here who could turn a post about curdled milk into an adultery saga. It’s genuinely demented.

On a separate note, who reads their partner’s leaving card? Is this a thing people do? If so, then why?

@Helenavets It’s rare for it to be quite so bad as my situation was. And office banter can be quite over the top so don’t assume it’s the case. If you’ve never had cause to worry then it’s probably completely innocent.

Of course it's inappropriate!!

Loads of reasons to read a card:

• To read nice things about your partner (although not this comment!!)
• Because you know some of his colleagues socially
• Because he's proud of some of the nice things people have said and wants to share

🤮 inappropriate

You nailed it

• because it's not appropriate to tell a married man with children that you think they are hot?

That's a bit more than banter. It's not his fault. She probably scares him.

It isn't something I'd write in a leaving card, but I'd take it as jokey rather than her having some ulterior motive.

Would it be appropriate for a man to write this? No. It would be inappropriate and creepy.

" Banter" is a euphemism for inappropriate conversation.
It sounds as though he and this woman were in the habit of flirting with each other.
I wouldn't be happy if that's how he behaves with his women colleagues.
And the fact she felt comfortable putting this in his card shows she was pretty sure he would appreciate the message.

Depends on the man and woman in question and their relationship. If the woman in question thought it was inappropriate and creepy, then I agree. If she thought it was hilarious banter, then it would be neither of those things.

It is very clear that her DP does not find it inappropriate or creepy.

None of which is relevant to anything in my initial comment, by the way. Which is about the MN insistence that the explanation for everything is ‘cherchez la femme, I’m afraid’, or some other such bollocks.

Oh jeez

What a coincidence

She's wildly unprofessional

If they are having a torrid affair it would be a pretty dumb thing for her to do no?

Sounds like lots of people here have really dull workplaces. My colleagues and I joke like this all the time and it means absolutely nothing. We call one of my male colleagues cars the Pussy Wagon because it’s a heap of absolute shite that has three cars seats in it and the usual toddler crap strewn all over the back of it…so very clearly not a “picking up chicks” car and that’s the joke. It’s vulgar, but work is boring and we enjoy it how we can.