To think skid marks are not normal?!

[Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

SD’s shitty pants are really, really revolting😫

It’s not normal for a ten year old, is it???

Erm it's kind of your job to teach her.

You just tell them to wipe thoroughly.

What's the purpose of this thread?

It’s my job to teach a ten year old to wipe her arse? Do other ten year olds genuinely forget?

Her eleven year old and six year old brothers manage just fine.

I was wondering if this is a common thing for this age group

You should supply wet wipes and ask her dad to talk to her about how to wipe her bum. Some kids take longer to learn. My eldest still needs help sometimes,

That's irrelevant.

Wet wipes clog the pipes, I’m not telling her to use them.

It’s not consistent so I don’t think it’s a medical problem. It’s usually the pants she’s worn at school, I think she’s having fun or rushing and forgets to wipe. But it’s absolutely gross.

If it is a constant thing she might be constipated and blocked. Retention and overflow.

I did think that but it’s not constant.

DH has spoken to her on multiple occasions about it and she gets very defensive (blames her little brother or denies it).

If she's using the toilet at school, maybe there's a chronic lack of loo paper, or maybe she's in a rush to get out the cubicle because other children are arseing around in there, peering under the doors etc?

I used to absolutely hate going to the loo at school and would desperately hold on until I got home. I was chronically constipated for my entire childhood!

In adulthood, I eventually managed to "train" myself to poo straight after breakfast, so the deed is done before I need to leave the house. That might be something you could try with your DSD. A high fibre dinner and a high fibre, bulky breakfast might get her moving.

I would also suggest that she might try Wype toilet gel, which would make it easier for her to do effective self-cleaning afterwards.

Just gently issue her with gloves and soap and get her to wash them before putting them into the washing machine. And a subtle sticker chart with a reward for X number of days she is clean

My son (10) was the same. Combo of leaving it too late/not wiping properly/farting. We've had to put him on a poo schedule (yes, really) before school and before bed and insisting he uses a wet wipe at the end. This goes in the bathroom bin as we have a septic tank. Taking away his tech for a week was a successful incentive.

gloves?

We only have her at the weekends. It’s usually whatever pants she wore on the Friday at school that are dirty.

I’ll try asking again this weekend (have been leaving it to DH but clearly nothing is changing)

it's her parents' job I would think

Thank you, I don’t feel so alone!!

If we did any kind of chart or schedule, I think she’d just hide the evidence and I really don’t fancy dealing with a mummified shit-pant mountain under her bed in a few months’ time…

Erm it’s kind of her parents job to teach her?

Yep. I found with a number of our foster children who had this problem that they really did not want to touch their dirty underwear! The gloves sorted it and also emphasized how unhygienic this practice was . Combined with a tick chart the issue resolved itself within a few weeks. Worth a try

What’s wrong with using wipes if it helps her get cleaner afterwards? The wipes go in the bin, you don’t flush them.

You dont seem very sympathetic. I don’t think you personally should be the one to raise the issue with her

Tbf there are many reasons I want her to change, not just that I’m getting a periodic handful of old shit. She’s going to get an infection, a friend might see and bully her, she’s going to smell bad.

Surely her df need to deal with his own dc?

I may suggest this

This is actually the most likely explanation in her age group. Anal retention is a real thing, and it's not something that kid's conciously do on purpose. It can be caused by a physical or psychological issue that she cannot help. She might even be avoiding the loos because she's getting bullied, making the situation worse. I'm sure that her peers at school have noticed by now.

My sister used to wet herself from about 8-12; the teachers told my mum it was attention-seeking behaviour. It turned our to be caused by an abnormality in her ureter. That whole period in her life still affects her self-esteem today, and it makes me bloody mad.