To think skid marks are not normal?!

[Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

SD’s shitty pants are really, really revolting😫

It’s not normal for a ten year old, is it???

I know I used to hold in my poo when I was a child, I vaguely remember liking the feeling?! My gay flatmate later told me it was a precursor to enjoying sodomy. Don't worry I'm not saying that the case for your kid!

But if they hold it then it touch cloth as they say? The idea of prompting them/asking if they need to go after meals or rest might help? To kind of get them out of feeling comfortable with a full bowel.

I am shocked at some of these posts that are genuinely shaming her, she is only ten - please treat her dignity.

If you are regularly dealing with ‘handfuls’ of shit then ask her father to wash his children’s clothes, I am not sure why you are doing it anyway op!

Maybe your resentment of this extra work load is being misdirected.

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MNHQ

If SD has a touch of IBS, she may sometimes (not always) get a little bit of liquid coming out a few minutes after she's wiped, enough to make skid marks. She sounds embarrassed and unwilling to talk to anyone about what is going on, so it would be hard to find out if this is the case. I can't think that her dad 'teasing' her about it would go down well.
You understandably dislike dealing with her laundry so could you just tackle this aspect of the problem, eg by setting up a separate laundry bag for the household's underwear, and sticking the whole thing in the machine? That would avoid singling her out and mean that you don't have to touch or look at dirty pants.

I taught my children to wash their bum after a poo so no skidders. Our shower head can reach the toilet so they use that to wash or a jug of water.

They use the shower head 😳😳 post movement l?’ In what state is your bathroom left in may I ask!!! 😂

Op George at ASDA currently do ten packs of girls pants for £1.50. Primark for about £4.30.

While this phase lasts could you simply buy a couple of ten packs and bin any pairs that look too hard to handle laundry-wise? The truth is they aren't massively more expensive than wet wipes.

The water goes into the toilet. You wouldn’t be able to tell that they used it.

I worked on a kids summer camp back in the day (Camp America) and did the laundry - I used to find actual POOS in their laundry. I’d say at 10 it’s not that uncommon - she just needs to be told to wipe and wipe again til the loo roll is clean and only then do you stop!

When I was about that age I had this issue. I had digestive issues and so had leakage. I also had a parent who never saw the point of clean clothes daily or clean underwear daily and who never taught me much about personal hygiene at all. I was mortified when I went on a sleepover and the mother came into the room with my knickers turned inside out to show the rest of the girls my stained underwear and said she would have to talk to my parents about my disgusting behaviour.

So basically- I'd try and be sure there is not an underlying health condition or an underlying neglect condition. And she's 10 - she needs gentle assistance.

The whole thread should be removed. The poster is dehumanising a child with her choice of words.

What on earth would have possessed her to want to do that? I'm so sorry.

haven't read the whole thread but in case no one else has mentioned - the eric website is really helpful about all sorts of bowel and bladder related issues:
https://eric.org.uk/

also, you said she's messy too, might she be neurodivergent in some way? girls often fly under the radar on that. Read up about interoception problems - it's the ability to listen to your body and hear the signals for things like needing the loo, it might be that she's not noticing she needs it until it's a bit late.

If she is only staying with you at the weekend - 2 nights? - why aren't you or her dad putting her dirty clothes in a laundry bag and returning it home with her when she goes back to her Mum?

Ask her dad to get a bag- or even a plastic bag- that is for dirty clothes.

That would solve your issue of having to talk to her about it and clean the pants, which you don't want to do.

A punitive attitude isn't helpful. Some children hold on for various psychological reasons which can lead to these stains. Some kids just don't like going at school - school toilets can be unpleasant and not very private places. The fact that she's denying it suggest that this is a very sensitive issue for her. You'd be better having a bit of sympathy becasue it suggests she isn't the confident child you are presenting her as.

My granddaughter had this problem and it turned out to have developed (as far as we could tell) from poor supervision in the school toilets that led to several kids having the cubicle doors pulled open and similar forms of bullying. She stopped going at school, didn't talk about it or even admit it because her experiences at school told her that pooing was something to be ashamed of.

It's possible there could be something physically wrong, but I'd try gentle awareness - ensure she knows the adults around her know and want to help, make sure she is drinking plenty of water and has plenty of fibre in her diet so she isn't constipated, and set up a reward system. Tick lists are good. The reassurance should probably come first from her parents, but it won't help if you respond with impatience, revulsion or anger. It isn't pleasant, but she's 10 and this may relate to something complex going on in her life.

You can buy flushable wet wipe type things. They'd be in the toilet section.

I would absolutely discuss this directly and laugh about it. I've told my own that his ass must be like concrete. So, like all of us can have skid pan city, get with the programme and wipe properly.

I would rather anyone' I knew address this with me directly and talked about it, laughed about it, than sharing their disdain for the state of my undies on here.

It really does sound a lot like a constipation type issue. Holding is a classic symptom. It can come and go. May be related to stress or food.

I’d talk to your GP.

You have not heard of anyone washing their bum? Most people do at the end of each day when they have a shower or a bath.
You do realise it's after using paper.

Once more - wipes are NOT flushable.

I think many posters here have been living under a rock all week because there have been films and articles (and on the main news) about the damage wipes do.

Does no one watch the news, read newspapers or listen to the radio, read the news online?

In 2027 plastic wipes will be banned but this week it was also made clear that ALL wipes even those labelled as 'flushable' are not.

I saw it! That massive fat-berg!

This is so nasty and immature.

Telling her to put directly into the wash machine herself is a better idea. Or just throw them away. I've throwing a fair few skidder pants out. Sometimes it's not worth it. When it's level 10 shit storm, What's the point. They're a few quid down the market.

The problem here is caring for a SD that she does not want to. I don't know the answer to this problem that's old as time and biologically wired.

They kill the threat that is original offspring in the wild, but OP won't be able to do that. I would go with telling the 10 year old child to try put them straight in the wash and save her dealing with any more ' shit' from adults in her life.

I agree: they are sufficiently inexpensive it isn't worth the grief this situations is causing. It would save the child's dignity too.

@Evergreen505 I'm am not being nasty and called the OP out on her behaviour up thread.

I'm responding to the OP who didn't want to deal with it and wanted to let her bio mum know what was going on.

If the girl is staying for the weekend she will surely have a small case of clothes?

I don't see why OP has to do any washing for a 2-night stay.

It's not immature to suggest a child takes their soiled clothes home to their parent.

Dealing with why its happening is key but OP doesn't want to do that.

My periods are very heavy on the first few days and when I have my period and need to use the toilet I bleed into it every single time I need to use it. Add in the muscle movement/relaxing required to empty bowels and bladder I think not getting any blood directly into the toilet would be impossible for many women.

@MincePiesAllRoundPlz the behaviour would be interpreted as nasty and immature. I didn't phrase that very well.

I'd personally pay £20 for endless supplies of undies , flushable wipes and save everyone this horribleness that seeps through OPs post.