To think skid marks are not normal?!

[Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

SD’s shitty pants are really, really revolting😫

It’s not normal for a ten year old, is it???

So you’ve noticed her underwear on two days a week but you’re claiming her mother, who presumably does the other 5, probably hasn’t clocked it and if she did, wouldn’t care? Lovely.

I’ve said I do the laundry by choice 😂

Don’t want to be touching anyone’s shit, how does that make me a martyr?!

Presumably we are supposed to accept the ex does no laundry.

@Calliopespa

I feel like an idiot but what exactly do you mean? Which terms / sentences? I did think someone else mentioned the words "shitty pants".
I would also feel put upon if I had to clean someone else's shitty pants - but again is it socially unacceptable to share that?

Totally agree.

It may also not be that evident that constipation is the issue.

Gosh, you don't sound very nice, your tone when you talk about her is quite unkind. I am a step mum so its definitely not the 'step mum pile on'.

She is obviously embarrassed which is why she is blaming someone else or denying it / hiding the soiled knickers and trying to shame her further is really an unkind way to deal with it. You could actually talk to her, woman to woman on how to deal with it and help her.

Don't touch it then. Use techniques that mothers of babies and toddlers use - gloves for a start.

The one thing I do not think is that this is happening because she likes it.

I use wet wipes, then wrap in toilet paper and bin them . You could suggest that.

FGS if you give her wet wipes, make sure she doesn’t put them down the loo! They block pipes. TBH she probably will anyway.

Best just to get her to wipe properly.

You're not missing anything, there’s a sizeable and vocal minority here who detest stepmothers and pipe up to berate them, unfortunately!

You bin wet wipes. Wrap them in a couple of bits of loo roll.

I hope you have a bin in the bathroom because at 10 she may soon start her periods and a bin will be needed.

Maybe there is a shortage of loo roll at school or she's been told to hurry in the toilet if there is a queue for it or she's late for a lesson.

You need to talk to her about it. Ignoring the laundry issue it will be bad for her skin and she could get infections.

Just have a chat.

yes it’s gross but it’s at most one pair of dirty knickers a week that you presumably stick in the washing machine, or bin if they’re particularly bad? If her parents aren’t bothered I’d just leave it

If SD is step daughter thwen isn't the MN view that her mother and father deal with her problems, the step mother keeps out of it, or is this yet another example of a step mother being used to fill in for the nasty jobs? No doubt she won't be invited to attend special occasions, they'll be for her 'real' parents!

Agreed that this is embarrassing for her and I doubt she is doing deliberately. I would try to speak to her about it and help her solve this... she should be able to sort this but isnt. So something needs to change. I would throw out very dirty pants , they are very hard to clean anyway..

Have you heard of rubber gloves?

How did you cope with soiled nappies ?

OP,
Just a suggestion - Andrex droplets (toilet wipes) are actually flushable as they are biodegradable, so can be put in to the toilet rather than a bin (which might be embarrassing for her)

Wipe, wash & wipe again. People really need to get back to basics

No, they aren't.

The media this week was full of how some wipes are marketed as flushable but in fact they are not. I know Andrex says they are flushable (2 per flush it says) but they aren't.

She’s a child. Can you speak to her dad/ mum and get them to deal with it as you don’t feel able to?

It could still be a medical thing. It sounds like it’s happening whenever there’s a change, so like going to her dads on a Friday, being out for the day, or friends staying. Then being fun things does not automatically mean that it can’t be can’t be medical thing. I wouldn’t rule it out.

I don't understand why some people are giving you grief on this!!
I think the rejects club are out in force today!!

Get Wype gel as others have said. Basically turns the loo roll into a wet wipe but it can safely be flushed. Alternatively you could buy a little bidet that goes under the toilet seat. But I would really recommend the wype gel.

I feel sorry for this poor child.

She's 10. She will be reaching puberty. A tricky age for girls especially if her bio mum is not around.

She's probably highly embarrassed by the poo on her pants.

It could be an accident- she may be avoiding going to the loo in school, for all kinds of reasons, and some is seeping out.

Whatever the reason is, you need to talk to her gently and look on this the same way you would or may have to when her periods start and blood gets on her pants , PJs or bedding, which it inevitably will.

You are the adult here so start acting like one showing some compassion.
You are reacting as if she's doing this on purpose to annoy you, or she doesn't care and that is unlikely.

Might be constipation? Or as previously said no time/paper at school. Could be a MH or ND self neglect thing. She needs a gentle chat . Is there a mum or are you in that role. TMI but bums are hard to clean with toilet roll alone, I know you’re not clean on wet wipes (you don’t have to flush used ones btw, pop into a nappy bag) but I believe Holland and Barrett do a gel. Poor lass needs some guidance!