To think skid marks are not normal?!

[Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh]

SD’s shitty pants are really, really revolting😫

It’s not normal for a ten year old, is it???

Or possibly her actual parent's job...

Of course I’m not reacting like this to her, I don’t react or mention it at all to her. I don’t breach her privacy by discussing it with friends. But this is an anonymous forum and I’m venting because I am exasperated at, yet again, getting a handful of literal shit from someone old enough to know better!

I will try to get her alone and get her to open up about whether there’s anything else going on.

I expected to be told to keep out of it as it’s for the parents to discuss, or that it’s really annoying but quite normal at that age.

Would you have posted the same thing about your own child?
Absolutely not.
It's not just your step-daughter you're trying to shame but her mother too.
Nasty.

Ds had a special box on a shelf discretely position by school so that he could get his supplies. School can be supportive.

Thanks to the people who’ve posted helpful suggestions!

To the rest, I hope you stub your toes and slip on the ice 🙂

Step daughter? Does she live with you full time?
we had similar issue, bit younger than 10 but not much, couldnt understand what was the problem, sometimes underwear was in shocking state. Husband reached out to his ex, asking if she noticed the same. Turns out, by her own admission , that she was keep wiping her daughter’s bum! So when she was at school or with us, she didn’t know/didn’t do it properly…..

@Susiy
@SirRaymondClench
@MyPurpleHeart
@Starlight1984
I'm not seeing any tone in the OP's posts, it just seems neutral?
With what I'd call just descriptive terms - i.e. "shitty pants" surely that's just descriptive? what else would you call them? (especially if you had to handle them)
I am on the autistic spectrum but I did just think that would be recognized as neutral / descriptive by most people not just me?

Any money you wouldn't have posted about your child's "shitty pants" if it was your own daughter though.

And I say that as a step-mum.

Are you on friendly terms with her mum? If so this is the type of thing that a united front makes sense including the sticker charts/making her wash them approach.

No two children are the same and her parents should be speaking to her about/supporting her around this.

Yes .... That's literally your job as a parent get them some moist toilet wipes if you don't have a bidet

If it was my own child, or one that lived with us full-time, I’d feel more comfortable talking to them about it and getting to the bottom of the matter. I’d have taken her to the doctors if speaking to her daily made no difference. I’m concerned for her from an infection / bullying point of view as well as it being gross for me.

Poor child.

I can't imagine having to co-habit with an adult who spoke with such condescension about me - and such on a private issue.

Do you think she is purposefully skid marking to annoy you? Is that it? Because if not, your tone and intolerance is quite inappropriate.

You even admit that there has been an attempt to tease her about it - which, unsurprisingly - failed.

Children have issues that are not always glamorous.

I'm going to be honest here. One of my boys had a similar issue. His "problem" was pure laziness - he didn't want to get up and go so left it till he was literally touching cloth.

Realised this after a long time of being soft and kind and giving allowances, and doctors appointments as well.

Ended up basically telling him he can hand wash his own skids, it is disgusting and he was big enough to take responsibility if he wouldn't take himself to the toilet on time. That cured it. I'm sure some would find this harsh, but you know what, sometimes children need to see a negative reaction to really understand what they're doing is wrong.

Gosh! You get lovelier every minute.

No wonder the child is shitting herself.

We’re civil but not friendly, definitely not on terms to talk about this kind of stuff.

This is not meant as an attack on her mum, but I strongly doubt this is something she’d notice or care about.

If your SD cant take the water gel to school, she could spit her saliva on some toilet paper and use that to clean herself if needed.

Possible things that you might want to gently discuss with her:

School toilet roll can be that cheap and nasty hard stuff and she might not really like using it. If that is the case, do her trousers or blazer have a pocket that she can carry a packet of soft tissues in?

Pooing at school or in public can be mortifying, so I wonder if she's rushing to get out before somebody else walks in and "catches" her (realises that she's having a poo), or if for some reason she finds the noise of the loo roll dispenser embarassing? In which case, the packet of tissues might also help...

Itching one's bum through one's knickers due to worms can leave skid marks. It might be worth treating her with something like Ovex to rule this out, even if nobody else has symptoms.

I'd get her gloves and a vanish stick with her name on both, and get her to pre-treat and wash (or leave in a bucket to soak) her stained knickers herself, with your supervision. She doesn't have to do it if they're not stained. See if that natural consequence helps the issue to mysteriously disappear. And in all honesty, it'll be good practice for her to know how to handle period leaks in the future.

Yeah it’s medical at that age. Withholding and/or overflow. My gp recommended play therapy for my sons withholding.

These posts really reek of judgement and superiority toward both the SD and her mother.

Thank you!

I suspect SD is the same. She’s very messy and not very hygienic at the best of times.

I will speak to her about whether there’s an issue at school (like a lack of toilet paper) or mum’s (like wearing the same pants for days or no clean ones).

Unless he was actually empathetic and offered to help her kindly and gently with sensitivity then the rest of this list of actions is unkind. We aren't teasing children, being cross with them, or asking them to solutions they clearly won't know the answer to, when they need guidance and kindness from an adult. He's dealt with her like a silly teenager might.

She has a need, and her parents need to deal with it with compassion and empathy. She's been judged as disgusting and shamed. This is the result, poor little girl.

Thanks! Worms is something that I hadn’t considered

It isn't the term "shitty pants."

It's the derisory and resentful tone throughout and the focus on "poor put-upon me."

Being cross with her and teasing her because she doesn't know how to clean herself properly....?

Wow. Great parenting there 👏