Grandparents not changing DS’ clothes.

[alorinkaya]

I’m a midwife so work long hours, my parents cover the childcare.

The entire time he’s there he is looking at a screen, literally.

I was on nights so he stayed there Friday-Monday and he said he wore the same clothes the entire time.

AIBU to be worried about this? I don’t want to be ungrateful.

Can you send clothes with him, and start teaching him to start getting dressed himself?
Can he do any part of getting dressed yet?

Have you talked to them about it? I would explore why this is happening first and see what they say. If they just cant be bothered then I would find childcare elsewhere, this isnt ok.

How old is your DS? There's a gap between old enough to be left alone, which clearly he isn't, and being able to take some responsibility for his own clothes, which if he can tell you he hasn't changed suggests he might be.
Did he not put PJs on at night?

It won't hurt him. It's only a weekend. You do it your way when you are with him and let your parents do what they do.
They are not treating him cruelly and I guess you need the child care.
Do you send him with clothes? Is he old enough to put new on himself if you tell him to?

I forgot to say he is seven, sorry.

I do always pack clothes for him, but would expect them to help/nudge him to wash etc.

He also has very curly hair that needs doing most days, which hasn’t been done so it was knotty.

You’re right, it is only a weekend.

Its just that I rely on them a lot, so it’s usually multiple days per week.

I think it's reasonable to start working towards him getting dressed by himself at age 7.

Did your parents bathe you daily and change your clothes?

He can get himself dressed, but his clothes are somewhere he can’t reach and he is forgetful. I’d also be wanting him to wash and his hair brushed.

Yes

Then I'd be baffled as to why they didn't with my kid, too.

At 7 he's old enough to take some responsibility.
Send him with a bag, with a fresh set of clothes for each day bagged in separate labelled plastic bags. Presumably he changes for bed each night so the clothes he takes off go into an empty bag and he gets out the new bag ready for the next day.
I always did this for my kids when they started going away with Beavers/Rainbows from 5-6 years old. A 7 yo should be fine.

If he can't manage his hair, have it cut shorter.

Being on the screen all the time isn’t great. If it was just a one off I’d be ok, but given this is regular can you encourage them to take him to the park or help with cooking etc?

If he enjoys staying with his grandparents and not changing the clothes the only issue for you- this can be compromised for a free childcare. However, if they are neglectful- not feeding him property, leaving him alone , etc..- that’s more serious. How old are your parents? Do they have health issues?

He needs to bathe, too. He's 7. He cant reliably set a bath or a shower or wash his hair properly. He still needs at least partial supervision some of the time to ensure he washes properly. This is why we have teenagers who don't understand that you need to have a proper, thorough wash, and not just stand under the water.

I think at the age of 7 he should be able to put clean clothes on himself.

The thing that would concern me is leaving my child with someone I either couldn't raise issues with, or who ignored them when I did. When I have my GC, I pretty much do as I please with them, but know there are certain things important to their respective parents such as time spent reading and some foods limited, (nothing onerous or micro managing) which they ask me to implement, and I do of course. Change of clothes and limits on screens are pretty basic asks, so it would be a worry if you've asked and been ignored.

Are his clothes actually dirty or smelly? If they're not then I can understand not changing everything every day, though underwear should be changed and probably socks. At 7 does he need a bath every night? As for the hair, could you leave some detailing spray/leave in conditioner and ask them to gently brush it through?
Do you think they're maybe a tad fed up having him so much? They've done their child rearing, so maybe are ready for a break?

I voted YABU because sometimes I wear the same clothes (except underwear) for four days if I'm not doing much. I'm not sweaty so they smell fine.

On it's own I think it's okay, but with the bigger picture - little interaction and tangly hair - it might be worrying. I'd ask them if they're finding it too much, since they don't look after him in the same way they looked after you.

This!!!

Yes kids do need to have a daily routine of bathing. As do adults. Kids become adults.

I bet they do smell after 4 days!!

Have you asked anyone you trust to be honest if you smell fine?

Do they interact with him at all, other than what's essential? At seven children are much more engageable, you can reasonably expect them to do things for themselves albeit with a bit of prompting. I'd be concerned that they're just dumping him with an electronic babysitter and only bothering with him to feed him, I wouldn't be happy with that. I would start by asking them if he's any bother, do they find him hard to manage at all, is his behaviour acceptable, etc. So not stating directly that they're the problem, just trying to find out if there is a problem and they (and he) are not telling you. Then go on from there.

How old are your parents? Are they struggling to look after your son? Can you ask them directly to change his clothes daily? Depending how old they are, I'm thinking that having your son so often for overnights is getting too much much for them.