Grandparents not changing DS’ clothes.

[alorinkaya]

I’m a midwife so work long hours, my parents cover the childcare.

The entire time he’s there he is looking at a screen, literally.

I was on nights so he stayed there Friday-Monday and he said he wore the same clothes the entire time.

AIBU to be worried about this? I don’t want to be ungrateful.

Rubbish.
Younger kids don't need a daily routine of bathing, they need to be taught the concept of regular bathing, with increased frequency as they get older/have body odour/do sports/have been sweatier. They also don't need a whole clean outfit every day unless previous outfit is dirty/smelly. They do need to wash face/hands etc, brush teeth, tidy hair (not always brush, depending on texture), and have clean underwear.

@alorinkaya So is he putting his PJs on at night and then putting the same clothes back on in the morning?
Is he changing his underwear?
His he just having a quick wash and brushing his teeth? Or not even that?
Even if not on the Friday or Saturday night, I would expect a shower or bath with hair wash on a Sunday ready for school on Monday.

OP, what are your DPs doing while your son is on his screen the whole time? TBH, this would worry me far more than the fact that he’s wearing the same clothes.

I guess it depends on how many other options you have as full weekends regularly is a lot of childcare. I wouldn’t expect a 7 year old to need the help to get dressed and washed necessarily. Can you get him a smart watch with alarms to remind him each day? Work on his independence at home? Cut his hair so it’s manageable? I think either you need to trust that they’re doing what they can and work on how to support your son, or push hard and potentially blow things up without a backup plan.

Has this changed recently or have they always provided this level of care?

Dealing with curly hair for anyone not used to it can be hard. De tangle spray and get him to detangle with fingers.

Basic washing, doing teeth and dressing he probably needs prompting so speak to them.

If he is repeatedly left with your parents, then beyond personal care he needs companionship, reading aloud, homework supervision, exercise, stimulating entertainment … It’s ok to miss out on that just for the odd weekend - but it shouldn’t be his lifestyle. If they really are doing nothing with him every weekend that starts to look like a deprived childhood.

Ive never met a stinky teen or adult whose parents insisted on daily bathing all their lives. You're not going to get to the most rebellious age range (teenager) and then decide that you will listen to your parents who tell you to shower more. And by that time, you're accustomed to getting up and leaving the house without a proper wash so you don't even feel nasty and smelly. You feel normal. You're used to leaving the house without feeling minty and fresh. It isnt a habit. You need to create good habits.

It depends what clothes (outer versus middle versus inner), the fabrics (wool versus denim versus synthetic), and what you've been doing. I have a ridiculously sensitive nose, so much so that it's annoying, and honestly will wear a jumper for 2 to 3 days, provided I've not been cooking wearing it or been so hot I've sweated much more than normal - I air between wears, sometimes things smell ok when taken off but then in the morning I realise they need a wash, so they get washed. Other days they're fine.
Of course things like underwear or clothes immediate touching the skin need washed more often though. We wash our bodies and our clothes far too much, on average.

Eh? Are you deliberately misinterpreting?
Read the original words again.

No I'm not. You're trying to say that you bath a kid two or three times a week (I hope you mean as often as that) and then remind them that when they are 12 or something, they'll need to do it every day. I am saying that they won't reach 12 or 13 and then listen to you. They'll, at best, sit in the bathroom with the shower running, perhaps over them, but often just sat on the loo so you think theyre actually bathing when they are not. It needs to be a habit so your kid feels wrong leaving the house without a freshly showered feeling..

Old enough to have a wash in the sink

The opposite happened with mine. Regular bathing when small, had to battle to get them in the shower at 12/13. Now adults they shower every day.

Oh god poor you....

that sounds stressful and shit - but presumably you need to care and cannot afford to pay for it and eat / home yourself/ live

Wash him right before he goes.

i think you need to drill into him dressing routine (clothes out the night before and change into new clothes first thing)
My 3.5 year old can take off her pjs and put on a laid out outfit so presumably he is okay to do this too... if he has "fave clothes" maybe send those as a change of clothes so he wants to change into them.

Heavily condition his hair and a wide tooth comb (also consider a shorter style if its unmanagable).

At 7 he can do puzzles can you suggest those as an activity also something your DPs can get involved in.

Are they feeding him properly or do you nedd to send food?

Yeah but he doesnt have to. His GPs should bath him.

I would be more concerned about the screen time than the lack of clean clothing.
That said, since you are getting free childcare that some parents wiuld kill for, do you really want to risk upsetting the applecart?

Why don’t you just communicate with them?

No, I'm not, I suggest you read the words I actually wrote, perhaps more slowly, focusing on the word in bold. I'm not replying to any more of your comments telling me what you think I said.

Why? I never bathed my kids at 7. My DGS noth bathed at 7

Regular as in daily? Proper wash with some sort of soap, a cloth or spongey, puffy thing and constant encouragement to be hygienic and the health risks when you are not? Or a play in the bath before (some) bedtime(s)?

Yeah and that's why we have grown ups who think they can wash with a bit of soap on their hand and a quick rub under their pits.

They had been taught to wash properly in the bath long before that age ffs. At 7 no need to be doing it for them

Yes you said regular. I can bathe regularly, every 2 months. It just means I do it at that interval consistently. It doesn't mean daily baths which is what is needed. Without forming that habit as a young child, it is very difficult for people to pick it up as adults.

I'd be just as worried about the screens personally. That's a pretty depressing way to spend your weekends, just staring at a screen all day. The fact that they're just sticking him in front of a screen all day, not washing him or changing his clothes suggests to me that they're struggling with arrangement.

As an occasional thing, okay, but every week? That's really not good.

I appreciate you're in a really tricky situation though. Maybe you could find a babysitter near them to come and take him out for a few hours at the weekend? Take him to the park or whatever, give him some fresh air and give them a break?

If you don’t trust your parents to care for your son then you need to find an alternative source of childcare.

Did they agree to looking after him for four days straight as well as on multiple other occasions in the week, or were they guilted into it?

I've explained this in my original post. If you're struggling with it ask someone to explain it. Stop quoting me and suggesting that your misinterpretation is what I wrote.