To say NO WAY to stepsons dog living with me.

[ThickOfThorns]

DSS is 14. He has lived with DH and I for 6 months, following some physical, but mostly emotional abuse and neglect by his mother. This is court ordered and social services are involved. He has been through a hell of a lot, and at present, isn’t allowed to see his mother in person. There can be contact via the phone, provided it is supervised.

Whilst he was living with his mother, she purchased him a dog, which he has naturally become very attached to. The dog remained living with his mother when he moved in with us. She has now texted him, saying she can’t cope with the dog and we either take it (!) or she will take it to the Dog’s Trust. DSS is now devastated and begging us to take on his dog.

1. I do not want a dog, or any pet for that matter. I don’t want the responsibility, financial or otherwise.
2. If I were to get a dog, I’d want it to be sourced ethically, health tested and a breed that I’ve chosen. This dog was from a back yard breeder.
3. I am not prepared to be emotionally manipulated by DH’s ex, this is totally unacceptable and inappropriate, there needs to be some firm boundaries in place.

My DH thinks I am being unreasonable and as DSS has been through so much, we can’t take this away from him and should allow the dog to be rehoused with us. I think this is outrageous.

AIBU?

I'm with other posters.. He won't forgive you.
You can have the dog live you but have strict rules about it.
Maybe a cage would help for night times.

Weird that!

No 😂

A new dog should be a family decision. This is an existing dog under dire circumstances vis a vis the boy's mental health.

So who is going to look after this existing dog given the DH and DSS are out a lot?

Quelle surprise!

Not me as it’s already been established that I’ll just sit back and do nothing to meet its needs whilst it poos, pees, barks and wrecks the joint.

How do you imagine to do those strict rules when neither the DSS nor the DH are physically around big part of the day? The dog can't be paused and saved.

Your judgement on the dogs beginnings are immaterial

All you can do is be very, very clear that the dog is not yours. That you will not become its de facto carer, walker, feeder etc

Then set boundaries about where it can and cannot sleep (crate train it, properly) and letbuour DSS enjoy his dog

Who will walk and feed it then as her DH and DSS are both away all the time?

I am making light of this now but before the thread disappears…

I love my DSS very much, he has been through a lot and he now has a safe, secure and reliable home with me and DH. I have taken on all motherly duties for him, unquestionably. I have adapted and catered for all of his needs and I will continue to do so, within reason. I do not believe bringing chaos into our lives in the form of a dog is ‘within reason’.

The rest of my family has also been through a lot due to this woman, that can’t be understated, and still I have stood by unwaveringly and continued to prioritise my DSS’ mental health by never saying a negative word against her or getting involved, being a supportive person he can rely on.

And who will do all of those things while DSS is at school & meeting friends and DH is at work till late night or traveling?

Dog day care? Drop-in dog walker? I mean, where there is a will there is a way.

OP has every right to reject the notion of the dog. "her house, her rules." But let's not pretend there aren't solutions. (and yes, I realize that costs money. so do many things people do for their kids' welfare.)

I think DH should take the dog and rehome you as you are so heartless towards his child

It seems to have been assumed that the dog is dangerous, destructively out of control and will need constant supervision. OP only has ex’s word for this. She couldn’t cope with her own son so why are we assuming it’s any different with the dog ? In the event that it’s a completely normal dog and just needs a bit of discipline and training, it could be doable, and DH/DSS could well step up if it’s the difference between keeping the dog and not. OP will never know unless she gives it a try.

I can appreciate her reasons for not wanting to because if it doesn’t work she will be the villain. But as much as it’s the boys’ mothers’ fault this is happening DSS won’t see it that way. All he will see is the dog being given away and nobody willing to stop it. She can’t win either way, and the child is already traumatised enough without this.

Which dog day care or drop in walker is going to come in and clean the dog shit and stop the dog from destroying things?

Who is going to drop the dog to dog day care when the DH is away with work?

Do you really think the DSS is going to organise all that?

Did you read the full thread BTW?

Oh ffs. People on this thread are so far beyond ridiculous . It’s a bloody dog. The OP already goes above and beyond. The dog will be forgotten about in a few months ( as it was before the bloody mother started her batshit manipulation)

Peak MN stupidity is all over this thread.

Why is OP being heartless? Have you actually read anything beyond the thread title?

Sadly for you the DH isn't rushing to divorce the OP. Who should look after the dog since the DH and DSS are out so much?

Why is the OP the only person who doesn’t matter?

Sad situation but I would stand firm and say no otherwise You. Will. Be. Left. To. Do. It. All. DSS will easily lose interest.

It’s the boy’s dog. And just because he didn’t speak about it doesn’t mean he’d forgotten about it. He isn’t allowed to see his mum, so doesn’t see the dog as she has it. But he knew it was there. Totally different to him now having to accept that it’s gone and there’s nothing he can do about it. This was his companion throughout the abuse and neglect. It’s a very difficult situation.

Indeed. I'm almost tempted to nominate it for classics. The feverish, bullshitty predictions about divorce and trauma from moralising fuckwits elevate it above the usual dipshit pet threads.

#TeamOP