To think I’ve blown my chances of looking after DGD again

[BadGran]

I recently looked after my DGD who has just turned 1 for the first time.

It was all going really well and I was holding her on my hip whilst making her tea and she arched back and I accidentally dropped her 😢she fell head first onto my wooden floor and obviously cried a lot.

I obviously have apologised profusely to DS and DIL, and to be fair they were very understanding about it but they haven’t asked me to have her since. I know they’ve got quite a lot of Christmas parties coming up so I’m guessing they don’t trust me now.

Should I say something or just wait for them to ask me. I’m so cross with myself !!

I am obliged to my learned friend.
Yes, but many family pets are gigantic toddler-massacring dogs, and all those modern paranoid parents referred to aren't that frit about them, are they?

I would defo be anxious asking anyone to babysit my child again after something like this happening, not necessarily because I no longer trust that person, but more just the guilt that if something were to happen, I should have been there ect. I always feel nervous with my mum looking after my daughter, as if an accident were to happen, I know my mum would feel absolutely awful and that eats me up! I wouldn’t be blaming her as such

As very small children have only been invented in the past 5 years OP I think it would be more sensible all round to wait until they become much more popular and/or common then you'll be able to find stuff on Google about how they actually work.

For gods sake. Soft soaping? Say nothing? Don’t beg? Have a bloody conversation with them. Sort it out. Stop brooding over it and move on. Honestly, is it better just to assume they don’t trust her and never look after the little one again after a small, understandable accident where she acted appropriately?

So many issues in relationships could easily be sorted by a conversation and actually communicating about a situation.

Yikes I’m a grandma and I wouldn’t let you look after your grandchild either. What were you thinking - all small children wriggle and throw themselves around AND you were cooking??
It could have been much, much worse plus I would have definitely taken her to A&E immediately. Remember what happened to Liam Neeson’s wife after a fall onto snow. I have oak wooden floors and they are like concrete.

that's an excellent suggestion!

People also used to be advised to drink Guinness while pregnant, we didn’t have seatbelts let alone car seats. Smoking was seen as good and a help for an expectant mother’s nerves, and many many more things we used to do that we know today are not advisable. You used to be allowed to beat a child today you don’t. Children used to work up chimneys today that’s illegal.

Just because someone managed to raise a human to adult hood doesn’t make them know more or better than today’s standards or expectations.

Dropping a child on their head from standing because you are not paying attention isn’t a oopsie daisy look how silly me, situation. It’s a possible death to a child.

It was an accident but made possible by holding her one handed.

Maybe some parents do it all the time but you are not a parent and need to be a level more risk-avoidant than a parent would be.

When you meet them all, do you handle DGD? Do you handle her as safely as can be expected under the circumstances?

I'd say taking the first aid course and promising to never handle her one handed might be a relevant step in a right direction.

That poster is not quite right, for under two's it from the height of a metre so the OP should've sought medical advice

OP, I’m so sorry that happened - accidents happen and you were honest about it, so it sounds like you handled it well.

I have a different perspective to add - you say you have older DG that you look after. As you know, babies/toddlers are a world apart in terms of their needs. It’s demanding and difficult work.

Maybe enjoy the time you have with your DG with their parents there too - way more chilled and you get to be fun DGP - knowing that when DG is older and bit more robust, you’ll be in high demand again xx

Op has explained the child arched their back and I know only to well this movement and if you're not quick you can drop them from the movement the child is making, especially if op was handling a plate. I know because this happened to me whilst holding my DN but I wasn't doing anything other then standing so I didnt drop her but i did hurt my own back trying to pull into my arms and I was lucky , she stayed in my arms completely safe .

Agree with this. Anyone watching someone else's child needs to be next-level careful, more so than when they raised their own children.

I occasionally watch a friend's dog. My garden is escape-proof, my (late) dogs never got out, and I would happily let them frolic alone in the garden while I busied myself in the house.

When I am caring for my friend's dog, the dog doesn't go outdoors to toilet, without a leash. Even in the garden and even though she is unlikely to escape. It just would be too horrific to chance. Equally when I walk the friend's dog, I stick to parks and other areas without traffic, although I happily walked my own dogs on the high street.

You just have to slow down and be extremely careful when handling others' precious loved ones.

Oops that's unfortunate. These things happen though; parents drop their kids sometimes too. Maybe they're waiting till she's a bit bigger and less likely to need as much picking up till they ask you to look after her again.

My son does this too which is why I don’t hold him when I’m cooking, handling hot food, not concentrating etc. He’s big enough to be put down for 30 seconds even if he doesn’t like it.

I can categorically confirm that i have never DROPPED a baby or a child, one I was babysitting or one of mine.

I have tripped, I bumped into things, but dropping? Sorry but no. DH has never dropped a child either.

You have very low standards. No one is perfect, but some accidents should never happen. Dropping the child like this is one of them.

I don't believe the OP is a bad person, but I would just wait until the child is older.

which is exactly why I would not let the OP babysit for the time being. Yes, you have to be quick and you know your child.

Have a conversation with them. Ask if it has prevented them from asking you and ask what you can do to help.

Number one thing you don’t do when looking after a baby is drop them.

Agree every parent knows a baby arches their back. Every single one. I suspect what’s happened here is the op hasn’t looked after a baby for a long time and it’s not her baby, so she forgot the risk. Arguably you’d be more cautious when baby sitting not less, I know I am, I often carry round a friends baby, and I hold them as securely as possible, likely way more securely than I did my own. Not less.

and it’s that lack of care, lack of thought, lack of understanding, thay caused an avoidable accident and why they aren’t asking her to care for the baby again. Because she should have been more careful. Not holding the baby on her hip whilst distracted doing something else.

I don’t think she can ask for the baby again, as if they wanted her to look after the baby they would ask her, I think she can’t make it worse by asking as it shows a fundamental lack of understatnding of their feelings, the issue and puts her own needs first, not theirs.

I know 2 babies that have been dropped and both times it was the baby's father who dropped them.
Obviously they're not going to stop caring for their own dc.
Also a friend fell down a step holding her dgc.

Accidents happen.

You win the award for today's best use of 'woke' in a sentence that wasn't relevant to the question and doesn't make any sense.

I'm not one of today's parents of babies, I'm probably closer to your age just not as small minded. When my kids were little babies I absolutely would not have returned them to the care of someone who dropped them on their heads. Not until they were old enough to not need carrying. There's 'paranoia about safeguarding' and then there's a biological drive to keep your baby safe and alive.

The child didn't die accidents happen. Her Dil and son probably used the op as a last resort. Women tend to use their own mothers as babysitters. She may have been busy that evening and asked mil. She did say she only looked after her once. Her Dil hasn't banned her from seeing her and nothing sinister has come from it.

There isn't enough done anyway these days kids are growing up ferel and teachers are scared of them. A headmistress and now a teacher has commited suicide. Entitled parents are bringing up entitled children. That's for another thread.

Not a bad idea to have a playpen set-up that you can move around the house. Handy to pop the toddler in if you have to be in the kitchen and they can be close by. If they have a little cry it is better than them being hit by cupboard doors opening or being dropped from a height. I’m so glad those small toddler days are behind me. I once unfortunately had DC roll of the bed and went straight to emergency. DC was fine. Another time DC slipped on tiles and was ok.

My cousin has been in a wheelchair all his life after being dropped by his granny as a baby.
What on earth were you thinking OP?
Not only for dropping him in the first place but also for neglecting to seek proper medical attention.

Exactly this! The child was dropped from standing height, because it was being held one armed on a hip whilst food was being prepped, I honestly don’t understand why people are minimising it…. Yes it was an accident but it was only sheer luck that the baby wasn’t seriously hurt.