To think I’ve blown my chances of looking after DGD again

[BadGran]

I recently looked after my DGD who has just turned 1 for the first time.

It was all going really well and I was holding her on my hip whilst making her tea and she arched back and I accidentally dropped her 😢she fell head first onto my wooden floor and obviously cried a lot.

I obviously have apologised profusely to DS and DIL, and to be fair they were very understanding about it but they haven’t asked me to have her since. I know they’ve got quite a lot of Christmas parties coming up so I’m guessing they don’t trust me now.

Should I say something or just wait for them to ask me. I’m so cross with myself !!

Crikey, accidents happen but dropping her from assuming a standing position onto her head on a hard floor is pretty severe- and I would 100% have got her checked by a medical professional.

My children have bumped heads on coffee tables etc at my parents- it happens 🤷🏼‍♀️ but I'd find it pretty hard to get over whats happened in your case- and I can understand if they don't want to leave her in your care- sorry OP.

Perhaps they might try again when the children are 3/4 when less assistance is required.

As a mum of many from 1 -15 and I've never dropped or had one fall off furniture I would be extremely loath to let you look after a little one again. That drop could have gone very differently should she have landed differently. I find it worrisome that so many saying it's just an accident well it's probably one of the worst you can do to a tiny person. Your not a bad grandma in any way but I would wait till mine were older to try again

All I can say is that I hope her parents remember this when an accident happens on their watch, which it will.

Yes, children have accidents all the time. No, most children don’t get dropped from a great height by someone who is holding them.

I wouldn’t ask. They’re not letting you look after her again for a while.

Have you asked them if they would like you to babysit over the next few weeks? Most of us have had accidents with babies & toddlers at some point and your DGD's parents will too.

Presumably you're mid 50s to 60s & managed to successfully bring up your own children. Yes, it could have been worse, but it was an accident. Hopefully they will realise when they're trying to strap their baby into a car seat that they are little contortionists and incredibly strong, but do bounce.

If it were my mum I would understand that accidents happen but I'd worry that my baby was the wrong combination of wriggly and small for my mother to handle and not have her babysit until baby was a bit older.

I wouldn’t trust you to look after my one-year-old either after this. I wouldn’t stop you from seeing her - and it’s great that you’re still seeing her for visits with her parents - but toddlers are heavy and unpredictable, and their carers need to be strong, quick and sensible enough to look after them. Their daughter’s wellbeing is more important than your feelings.

I admit if it was one of mine no you wouldn’t be having them again till after the age of carrying about.

sure accidents happen like falling over, falling off the sofa or banging your head on a table.

But a drop like that I wouldn’t class as in the same range.

There would also be no words that would change my mind.

If you accidentally dropped my child I’d not be happy but I certainly wouldn’t stop you seeing them - it’s an accident.

My son had an accident when he was being cared for by my aunt (who is like my mum) and it’s just part of having kids.

I think you should just call and talk it out - I’m sure it’s just being busy and not needing the childcare right now.

Don’t feel guilty - it was an accident.

You mention that you look after your older grandchildren - are any of these GC's siblings? Did you look after them when they were small as well?

If it was my first child and this happened on the first time babysitting, I'd be very cautious about you having her again. If though it was day my third, and 1&2 had been with you without incident, then I'd worry that it may be age catching up with you (sorry) but otherwise much more likely to let it go.

Have there been instances where you have been needed to look after her?

I ask because until DS was 2 I think my mum watched him once - purely because I didnt need her to any other time. We were always busy and he was at nursery so we visited her with him but didnt necessarily need her to watch him.

I would casually mention next time they come over " was lovely to see you all! If you ever need me to watch X just let me know"

I wouldn't even bring it up accidents happen and it sounds like the baby was just fine. It wasnt like anything was done on purpose or you left her to go to the pub...

Personally I'd accept it as an accident. No repercussions.

You didn't do it deliberately OP, and it sounds like a classic case of PFB. They'll soon learn when she starts having accidents under their watch.

My youngest grandaughter is a maniac and ran head first into a fence the other day when we were out on a walk - gave herself a massive egg on her forehead. My DD just smiled when I took her home and said what's she done this time. Some kids are very accident prone.

I feel awful saying this but I tend to agree with this. I've got 3 DC, I'm very clumsy due to autism, they've also had loads of usual childhood accidents. My middle one is 4 and has joint hypermobility so is still very accident prone, much more than 'usual' for his age. I totally understand that accidents happen.

That being said, I've never dropped any of them and I don't knowingly know anyone who has dropped a child/baby before. I don't think I would leave them with you again until older and more robust so less likely to severely injure themselves in a similar event e.g aged 2+.

My other grandchildren are my elder son’s children so DGD’s cousins. DGD is DS2’s first child.

Once rattled my newborn's head off a Belfast sink. He was in a front wrap thingy and I went to open the cupboard below it. THUNK.

So much for doing housework while 'babywearing'.

Eee these things can and do occur.

I’m not sure I would ask again, a drop from standing height is very different to running into the corner of a table or falling off a sofa, they should have sought medical attention for her rather then decide she was ok.
It was an accident and accidents do happen however I know when I look after my nieces and nephews I am even more hyper vigilant with them, carrying them securely with both arms/ with two hands etc as they aren’t my children.
My Mum couldn’t keep up with my running toddler due to mobility issues, she used to look after him up until he didn’t want to be in the pram anymore, one day he let go of her hand and legged it. Nothing bad happened but she said she couldn’t safely look after him until he was out of that stage. I suspect if they ask you to watch her again it will be when she doesn’t need to be carried, although now it’s happened you are probably one of the most safe people to leave her with because you’d be super careful.

Interesting mixed responses.
I wouldn't have you look after them again after dropping them. Maybe they think your reflexes aren't quick enough or you're not able enough (sorry!). Wouldn't stop you seeing them though but with parents there as well.

My mil sees her grandchildren but doesn't baby sit them alone as we can't be sure she'll keep them safe.

This. You should have taken her to A&E. A bump on the front part of the skull, which is the thickest, from the cot/side of the bath etc is different, but a child falling on to the head is more serious. My DS when 3 whacked the front of his skull on our iron gate. The Alder Hey Dr told me that we would have been ok not to have brought him in, but when his brother hit the back of his head on the floor at 6 months after rolling off a caravan bench the Dr said he certainly needed to be seen.

Accidents happen OP. This was just unfortunate.

I fell whilst holding my eldest when she was 6 months old. She could have hit her head on the pavement but thankfully my elbow saved her from a severe head injury, but it scared me enough that I have rarely ever carried either of my children whilst walking since.

Few people I trust with my children but I don't think this would put me off unless there was a back story.

Perhaps it took a lot of DIL to leave her and this has shaken her. I've sometimes had gaps where it's been nothing to do with the person taking her rather its my own anxieties at leaving them.

this yes, I think showing willingness to learn is really important as well as owning what happened. Depending on your relationship you could openly broach it “I wanted to offer to look after DGD again, obviously you’ll be cautious after the accident last time so I completely understand if you’re not ready but the offer is there. I want to be as safe as possible so I’ve actually done a paediatric first aid course and double checked all the baby proofing in my house (cupboard locks, access to laundry tabs/sharp things in kitchen, corner protectors, stair gate)”

I think as the daughter/DIL I would fine this type of statement really reassuring, we all make mistakes and it’s important to own it and use it to learn from.

a thought - maybe they think you’re a bit spooked and not ready to try again? You’ll never know if you don’t ask.

When my (now adult) DC were young I never tried holding anything like food or drink while carrying them. Babies and toddlers can be very wriggly and can also suddenly grab whatever you’re holding with bad consequences. It was an unfortunate accident and the main thing is that your DGC is ok.

We’ve all had accidents but dropping a baby is a biggy. I wouldn’t be in a rush to ask you again I’m sorry. Maybe when she’s bigger they will feel more comfortable

5 ft or higher? Head first on to a wooden floor? For a one year old? That’s insane. You don’t mess about with head injuries. If I had done this, I’d be straight to A&E. I also wouldn’t be in a hurry to look after the baby again.

This is exactly how I'd feel as well.