To think I’ve blown my chances of looking after DGD again

[BadGran]

I recently looked after my DGD who has just turned 1 for the first time.

It was all going really well and I was holding her on my hip whilst making her tea and she arched back and I accidentally dropped her 😢she fell head first onto my wooden floor and obviously cried a lot.

I obviously have apologised profusely to DS and DIL, and to be fair they were very understanding about it but they haven’t asked me to have her since. I know they’ve got quite a lot of Christmas parties coming up so I’m guessing they don’t trust me now.

Should I say something or just wait for them to ask me. I’m so cross with myself !!

I would say it’s obvious that they don’t want you to look after the child anymore. Dropping a child on their head on a hard floor, and not rushing to a&e, would be a ‘never ever again’ scenario for me, sorry.

It would be a no from me.

How was your relationship with your DIL before this?
Who looks after baby now and were they first preference beforehand?

I had extreme anxiety surrounding my MIL because of an incident when DD was a few months old. I was there but asked her not to do something & she did it, resulting in DD nearly falling. It was a near miss, luckily.

If I would ask & state you understand why you haven’t been asked. You’d love to have her again but respect their decision. If you were to have DGD again, offer to buy a play pen / travel cot. Having that up means there’s all round safe space for when you need to do things. I know DGD is at the age where she’ll perhaps be walking and not want to be in one, but a few soft toys, books etc & hopefully it would be enough

I can't understand that she wasn't taken to the A&E. Poor baby. Don't say anything. You're still seeing her.

I'm 42 and have 4 children I've had to learn to relax over the years. Accidents and shit does happen it's how you deal with it after. Three daughters so close in age 21, 19, 17 and a 10 year old son. My partner was away for a week a couple of weeks ago and I was exhausted.

My partner wants one more baby with me before the menopause. Both my parents are dead now. The stories I am hearing about nurseries and the abuse going on. Babies can't talk and toddlers can't express themselves very well. I would rather leave my baby with the op she sounds more safer than a nursery worker.

It would have to be a ‘no’ from me too.

I couldn’t relax knowing my baby was dropped from waist height and banged their head.

As she’s not your child, you also should have been super cautious and taken her to hospital. It could have been more serious than you thought.

Wait and gain their trust back.

Also, be more cautious. It was only your first time with the baby and you’re heating tea with her on the hip.

She was probably okay. I remember when I went to A&E the doctor said my visit was a waste of time and the doctors surgery should have sorted it out. My daughter fell of a climbing frame at school. If a parent is concerned the best thing to do is ring 111 and let them guide you through what to do.

How is your strength, balance, grasp & reaction time op?

My own mother in law was fine with my older nieces and nephews but remarkably less capable physically as she aged, she really struggled to hold my heavy DS securely as a squirmy toddler. If you are aware this is the case for you its best to acknowledge that, to yourself as much as to your DC, because its really important that you can keep a little one safe holding them.

While it might be a bit upsetting for you the safety of the child trumps your disappointment

Yeah, one of my 4 used to do this. The other 3 didn't so it can be something that takes you by surprise. Maybe it's more about the child being a bit of a handful than about you. Is she quite strong willed?

My mum was looking after my 2 year old daughter and trying to feed (a bit forcefully I gather from the fact that daughter struggled) her and daughter ended up chipping her tooth badly on a plate, tooth then turned brown and fell out so she had a gap until her adult teeth came in years later. I wasn't best pleased but in this case my mum had basically tried to make her eat something she didn't want to- but it was all forgiven and we moved on and my mum looked after her again and your situation is no where near as bad as that so I'm sure you'll be fine.

Yeah I have to say I’m sorry but I wouldn’t let you look after my child again after that until they were older. People don’t just drop 1 year olds unless they’re being careless!

This is categorically incorrect and I have reported the post for spreading false information about such a serious topic.

For starters, they need to be seen by a medical professional (GP, OOH, A&E) if they fall from any height taller than themselves and bash their heads. For a one year old this will be significantly less than a metre.

OP, accidents do happen but this feels more likely recklessness and I also wouldn't ask you to have my child again. Sorry.

Really sorry OP, you obviously didn't want anything like this happen.
I'd find other ways of spending time with the child until she's a bit older, then ask the parents if you can be sole carer for a short time, having talked through all possible hazards with them.

That would have really stressed me out to be honest. I remember clear as daylight the 2 near misses when I almost dropped a baby. I wouldn’t downplay actually dropping them for a moment.

I’m sorry but I think thr ops situation is significantly worse, a baby was dropped on their head on a hard floor. The fact the baby wasn’t injured doesn’t change that.

But again this is a baby, with a soft skull.

When dd1 was little I slipped down some stairs at the swimming pool and dropped DD on her head. It happens, I think it's unkind of them to hold it against you.

I was looking after my grandson and he put his fingers in the door hinges as we were going out,. Obviously he cried as I was shutting the door, so I checked it out and luckily no damage. I was mortified and called my daughter and she was ok,saying she said the same thing happened to her with him. I was so upset I felt like saying I can’t look after him anymore. Fortunately it happened after I had been looking after him for a full year one day a week. It happens.

I’m agog at these stories, and I assume from parents, how on earth is that remotely similar to dropping a baby on their head?

She have said he was 2 years old.

My last child was a forceps delivery. He looked like hey Arnold it was traumatic for me. He was crying constantly every night for 6 weeks until I sent him to a Osteopath and he performed cranial osteopathy.

This thread is about the op and her situation and the toddler is fine. She probably felt better after a hug and rubbed her head. There was probably no need for A&E it's all very dramatic and over the top to tell the op after it's happened.

Give it time.

And stop beating yourself up about it. Accidents happen. And she recovered quickly.

As parents we all have accidents w our DC. DD fell from her cot and hurt her arm, also I tripped when pushing the buggy (she was tiny) and went straight to get her checked out as it fell backwards DS managed to touch the oven shelf and blistered his hand - cue me ringing GP in a panic.

We’ve all been there, but dropping is quite full-on. But I expect you’d be much more careful in future.

If you were my mum or MIL I would be making sure YOU are ok too (once I had ascertained that the child was ok and did not require medical attention). I certainly wouldn't be expecting an apology. I am not the one hurt. It was an accident.
I hurt my arm at my gran's house and had to have an operation. She still took care of me until I was old enough to care for myself.
Your GC will have accidents under her parents' care too.

In my mind, this wasn’t an accident. You dropped a 1yo from almost your height because you were doing two different tasks that both require two hands. This is like an adult falling from a 10 foot ladder. It’s really serious and totally unnecessary. I wouldn’t have held my own child and tried to make tea, I certainly wouldn’t someone else’s child. You should be more careful. I don’t let my in-laws look after my kids. They once lost one of my children which was bad enough but they were too busy blaming it on each other to look for her or even apologise. I appreciate it wasn’t intentional (on your part and my in-laws) but it’s just not worth what could have been in both circumstances really serious consequences.