To think I’ve blown my chances of looking after DGD again

[BadGran]

I recently looked after my DGD who has just turned 1 for the first time.

It was all going really well and I was holding her on my hip whilst making her tea and she arched back and I accidentally dropped her 😢she fell head first onto my wooden floor and obviously cried a lot.

I obviously have apologised profusely to DS and DIL, and to be fair they were very understanding about it but they haven’t asked me to have her since. I know they’ve got quite a lot of Christmas parties coming up so I’m guessing they don’t trust me now.

Should I say something or just wait for them to ask me. I’m so cross with myself !!

so I’m guessing they don’t trust me now.

Maybe they just need a little more time to pass?

It was pretty poor judgement on your part.

I think we're usually more careful with someone else's kids, not less!

I wouldn’t leave my baby with you to look after again, if I’m honest, but I wouldn’t stop you from seeing them. I’d just quietly find other childcare for times we were busy and couldn’t be there too.

I think it really depends on the parents because I’m surprised at the responses here. I wouldn’t be worried about this at all (outside of concern at the time over how hurt the child was). It was an accident and my second was a back archer and I dropped her multiple times between 1 and 2 when she was an absolute sod for doing it. Unless you’ve had one, it’s so quick and difficult to keep hold of them with one hand.

You also shouldn’t feel guilty about the microwave. I don’t know a single parent that carries their 1 year old with two hands at all times or that would specifically put them in a play pen or cot to scream over picking them up to carry on your hip while putting something in the microwave.

If your otherwise fit healthy and able and this doesn't happen regularly and you were concerned and apologised, I wouldn't stop you from looking after them again. These things happen.

To put it in perspective, I'd be more inclined to not leave them with you if I said "no snacks, because they have dinner when they get home" and you went and fed them snacks. That's worse in my opinion.

Sorry OP, I wouldn't be surprised if you aren't asked again, at least until the child is old enough to not be carried. I'm sure you will be able to spend lots of supervised time with DGC.
FWIW I wouldn't allow my parents or ILs to look after my child unsupervised, they are just too old, too slow, too weak to respond in an emergency. It's nothing personal.

I wouldn’t think anything of this if my mother in law accidentally dropped one of my children. It’s an accident and you’re human. Don’t blame yourself at all

you were careless imo,
you are a mother
you need to be doubly cautious

Same, I am not sure why you would be doing this?

Accidents do happen but to be honest, if someone dropped my child, the 1st, 3rd or 4th child, I wouldn't be very confident about leaving them again. I would appreciate the honesty, but I am not very happy about "dropping".

I understand your miss a step in the stairs, you trip, but honestly, dropping a baby/ toddler is something that would make me pause and wait until they are older.

Sorry I wouldn't want you looking after my child either after this. I don't know what your kitchen floor is like but ours is tile slabs. It sounds like she was dropped at height and likely to be onto a hard floor.

I think as long as the parents are still allowing you to see her then you need to just accept that for the time being rather than being left with her alone.

I wouldn’t ask to have him again. They know you’re there. It’s great you’re seeing him at other times. If this were me I’d be waiting for baby to be a bit older. Harsh I know… And I’m really sorry.

Haven't read the full thread yet but it's not necessarily anything odd with it being the first time at that age. My son was over a year the first time he slept over at his grandparents because I breastfed.
I was on mat leave for a year so there just wasn't any need for him to be looked after before that.

OP my niece fell and hit her head while my mum had her and she took her straight to A&E and informed them right away. She was totally fine but her response showed my brother qnd sil that she took that stuff seriously and she's had her many times since. Can you do something like that to reassure them. Sqw someone suggest a first aid course that might be a good idea.

It was an accident, but so avoidable.

I'd be thinking that you couldn't cope.

My child needed stitches after a grandparent looked after them. But it was just an accident. It probably wouldn’t have happened if I was there but only because I know my child better and what silly thing they might be more likely to do (in this case it was walk in front of a swing!). Personally it didn’t impact my willingness for them to look after my kids. Maybe I’m more relaxed because I see friends who are very much more impacted by this sort of thing and even cut grandparents off.

Given it's DS and DIL I fear you have been blacklisted, hopefully temporarily. DD and SIL would likely be a different story

Exactly. I don’t see how or why so many people are like meh. A baby was dropped on its head from standing. That’s a huge accident.

That’s not a small bump. That’s not a ooopsie daisy. That’s ah oh shit fuck.

Accidents do happen but a full on drop from standing would worry me. I'd be concerned about why this happened and if it meant you had some sort of difficulties (maybe age related) that made it harder for you to handle such a young child. I wouldn't say you couldn't watch them again, but might wait till they are a bit older and not needing carrying. I wouldn't blame you, I'd be questioning my own judgement more.

The fact you were holding her while making presumably warm/hot food would have been enough for me never mind dropping her.

Accidents happen but holding her while making her tea was a deliberate act which you've not even acknowledged.

I wouldn't worry it was only an accident. I am sure your dil is fine with you. Parents today are paranoid about safeguarding. These days you have to ask your baby/toddler if they want their nappy changed. I don't know how young parents navigate this woke rubbish. I am glad mine are all grown.

I wish my parents or in-laws were as keen as you to watch their grandchildren 😂 I'm sure you'll get plenty of opportunity to babysit over the years, maybe starting again in a couple of months. As others have said, they soon get more robust of body and less inclined to fling themselves about.

They sound like they’ve been reasonable about it tbh and not made a fuss, just not asked you to have her alone again. Presumably you’ve still seen her lots? My MIL has my DS who is 18 months once per week and I have to admit her attitude to safety is a bit off sometimes although I try not to overreact eg she lets him stand up by a window on a chair. It might be that they’re just waiting until she’s a bit older before asking you again?

Oh really?! I've clearly been doing it wrong then, as mine would have happily gone days covered in their own poo, if I hadn't pinned them down, kicking and screaming, to change theirs 😂

You were holding a toddler while cooking (very, very, very bad move) and dropped her onto his head. You did do right in telling them right away what happened.

She should have been taken to A & E for evaluation and X rays. I've seen skull fractures in kids falling from a lower height.

That said, you're just going to have to deal that no, they probably don't trust you to watch her unsupervised. You had a serious accident with him. Their child's safety is more important than your feelings.

Someone’s been reading the daily mail too much.

asking to change a nappy smh. My youngest is 9. Still wouldn’t have op watching her alone if she was the one year old.

How old are you other grandkids op?

im sorry to say it but I also wouldn’t allow you to look after her again. I understand it was an accident, but it was an avoidable one and she could have been very badly hurt, life changingly so. So I think you need to accept until she’s a lot older you won’t be babysitting. And I hope you understand why that’s reasonable and to be expected.