36 but don't want to be pregnant at my wedding

[YourLivelyRedBiscuit]

Just got engaged but we've been TTC for a year with nothing. Tests ultrasounds etc for both of us all come back fine. Only problem I could think is a blocked fallopian tube which I would like to get investigated....or just plain old bad luck.

My fiancé is upset that I want to pause TTC don't want to run the risk to be pregnant on my wedding day. We are planning to be married in the next six/seven months so just a small gap in the big scheme of things. He's stormed off now after telling him and I'm upset as I feel pressure from him. He always holds me when I cry when my period comes and tells me not to stress but the fact he is getting upset about a six month breather is upsetting me because I don't feel he is taking my needs or feelings into consideration. I don't want the risk of being sick or not fitting into my dress on the special day or feel restricted with food or drink. I also know that the wedding planning will stress me out anyway as well so I don't want to add to it.

I'm also annoyed in a way that he said he bought the ring nearly a year ago but only proposed the other day. Why sit on it for so long ? We could have been married by now?!

Aibu?

Stuff the wedding. Crack on with TTC and pop to the registry office if you get pregnant. Then have a big party later.

I personally wouldn’t wait at 36

First post nails it

if you would rather risk not having a baby than being pregnant at wedding you might want to rethink if you do actually want one ?

I wouldn't want to wait either.

I guess it depends which is more important, but at 36 time isnt on your side…you wouldn't be the first pregnant bride!

I would prioritise baby over a wedding.
You don't need a wedding to be married.
A wedding is just a party.

Get married next month, don’t have the big party.

You are being ridiculous. You say you're crying every time you have a period, but you're prepared to risk never having a child over having the perfect wedding? Your priorities are fecked up and you're being very unfair on your husband by saying he's not considering you.

I wouldn't wait at 36, especially as you could need fertility treatment, which takes time in itself. Are you having more investigations?

It's six months.....!

It took me 4 years to conceive each of my babies at 28 and 34. If I’d started trying at 36, I doubt they’d be here. Don’t delay TTC for the sake of a party.

He obviously shouldn’t be tantruming at you, but it does sound like you want a wedding (wedding, not marriage) more than you want a baby.

If you really want a baby, surely wearing an empire line dress and staying off the wine and blue cheese on your wedding day won’t matter very much!

Seriously just pop to the registry office in the next few week. Keep tcc that way. X

Agree, time is not on your side.
keep ttc, pop to the register office, have a big wedding and christening when little one arrives.

My friend did a big wedding in 2021 as they didn’t want to scale back during covid which was fair enough. Also didn’t want to be pregnant for the wedding. On 6th round of IVF now.
took me 4 years to have my daughter then with my second a further 2 years as I had recurring miscarriages. You could be one of the lucky ones and conceive straight after the wedding or you could be me or my friend. I’d carry on TTC if it were me.

Perimenopause started for me at 38. Not saying it'll be the same for you, but you can’t be sure it won’t either.
If the frock and the party are important to you, thats fine. It just doesn’t sound like the priorities of some one whose crying every month when its not been successful…

I know its 6 months, but you need to consider if you have got fertility issues, then what?
Nothing was picked up on my scan but I couldn't fall pregnant. From referral, it took the ivf clinic 3 years to see me. They decided on an op to investigate which was another year wait, 3 months recovery, another 4 months before they could fit me in for a follow up, another 3 months before I could begin treatment. Im now going into year 6 with no baby still. I was 29, im now 35 and delayed again for at least 6 months as I need yet another op on my ovary this time.
If you are both happy to live without children then go for the wedding. If you arent happy to do that, I'd seriously consider at least starting further investigations on both of you as you never know what could be thrown up and how the timeline will play out.

YNBU to not want to be have morning sickness etc at your wedding. But I would look at the bigger picture. It’s just a day/afternoon. For most people their wedding day isn’t the happiest day of their life. Don’t buy into that myth. In these circs I would be more pragmatic.

6 months is a long time to wait when you're approaching 40.

Six months is not a "small gap" at your age.

I agree

Well clearly I am just an old haggard dried up vain bitch then... never mind!!!!!!

I'd be reconsidering the whole relationship if my partner wanted to delay TTC when we were already having problems and getting older for the sake of wearing a poxy dress on one day.

Six months is quite a long time to stop TTC just for the sake of a wedding dress.

I know people who have postponed their wedding when they gor pregnant - that is an option and you'll have plenty of time to know if you're likely to be 'showing'. Also people do get married when pg, it's fine.