36 but don't want to be pregnant at my wedding

158 replies

YourLivelyRedBiscuit · 19/11/2025 18:09

Just got engaged but we've been TTC for a year with nothing. Tests ultrasounds etc for both of us all come back fine. Only problem I could think is a blocked fallopian tube which I would like to get investigated....or just plain old bad luck.

My fiancé is upset that I want to pause TTC don't want to run the risk to be pregnant on my wedding day. We are planning to be married in the next six/seven months so just a small gap in the big scheme of things. He's stormed off now after telling him and I'm upset as I feel pressure from him. He always holds me when I cry when my period comes and tells me not to stress but the fact he is getting upset about a six month breather is upsetting me because I don't feel he is taking my needs or feelings into consideration. I don't want the risk of being sick or not fitting into my dress on the special day or feel restricted with food or drink. I also know that the wedding planning will stress me out anyway as well so I don't want to add to it.

I'm also annoyed in a way that he said he bought the ring nearly a year ago but only proposed the other day. Why sit on it for so long ? We could have been married by now?!

Aibu?

OP posts:

wombat1a · 22/11/2025 03:48

Big weddings with matching bridesmaids/groomsmen etc etc are a waste of money for many people. The 'better' weddings are usually the ones done really simply where the guests have lots of time and space to mingle and come up to the wedding couple.

Crack on with TTC and save you money for the baby, it will be far better used on that than a single day which you will be far too busy/stressed about to really enjoy anyway.

BiBimBap8997 · 22/11/2025 04:37

On the one hand, i get it, I do. You want to have a nice day and frankly, being pregnant, especially the first trimester is rough. I would not have managed a ceremony and a sit down dinner and an evening do in my first trimester. And taking a 6 month break could be a good thing, mentally.

On the other hand, many of us have been through our weddings and it really is just one day. It seems like a big deal now but when it's done...poof. Time is not on your side and I wouldn't risk not having my son for the sake of looking and feeling nice at a party.

On balance, YABU, I am with your fiance on this but it's a tough choice.

Devilsmommy · 22/11/2025 05:34

dogtot · 19/11/2025 18:13

if you would rather risk not having a baby than being pregnant at wedding you might want to rethink if you do actually want one ?

This. I was nearly 9 months pregnant when I got married and I've never been happier. And I had morning sickness the whole pregnancy

MayaPinion · 22/11/2025 06:31

6 months is quite a long time at 36 - especially when it looks like conceiving might be tricky for you. Being pregnant at your
wedding is neither here nor there in the grand scheme of things. It’s just one day.

Burntt · 22/11/2025 06:56

I don’t want you to feel criticism but as someone who has been divorced I really wanted to ask you to consider if it’s marriage you want or the wedding. My ex wanted a big wedding and actually he wanted the party and attention not the marriage I got swept up in that and was actually pregnant on the day and fully get how not being able to drink and looking grumpy in the dress sucks. I wish I’d pushed the wedding back as parenthood is an eye opener for how shit some men are.

if you are already financially entangled with a mortgage I’d push back the wedding until after you’ve had a baby or do a registry office asap. Marriage is more than a wedding.

id also be uneasy he sat on a ring for a year while trying for a baby with you. Why that order? Clearly he’s pushing for the baby. After my ex I’m perhaps overly concerned but if the house is yours I’d not marry him until he’s proven he’s not one of these men who changed after a baby.

Allswellthatendswelll · 22/11/2025 08:31

YourLivelyRedBiscuit · 21/11/2025 23:58

Thanks for your measured response. I agree that in hindsight that I shouldn't have snapped back the way I did; I feel very insecure about my inability to conceive quickly as my sister did (within three months of trying) . My sister also had a baby when she was a similar age to myself so never thought it would be an issue. My mother was my age minus one year when she had me. My grandma had my auntie at 39 and my great grandma had a baby at 48 (!) so assumed later motherhood would run in the family so to speak. I feel immense pressure ttc and I just wanted to have one nice day for my wedding without worrying about it but wanted a second opinion. I appreciate that I have come on to a forum asking for advice and I should have been ready to take it but frankly while I appreciate the honesty, a minority of the responses have been horrible and very upsetting. Maybe a case of can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen...but yeah... I feel judged for delaying motherhood but was also trying to do the right thing by having a mortgage, stable job and the right person first, the first of which being particularly difficult these days. Moreover, I was scared of having children for a while as my sister developed hormonal breast cancer after having a baby and I had to watch her go through that. Thanks for those of you who have given kind and helpful, measured responses (even if it wasn't what I wanted to hear) and I wish you a restful weekend. Thanks.

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Women are dealt a shitty hand with fertility no doubt. We are told we have to wait to be financially sorted and then told its too late. But unfortunately biology is biology and having had friends staring down the barrell of ivf at 38/39 it's not an ideal situation at all.

LynetteScavo · 22/11/2025 08:34

You have a choice between having a perfect wedding day (one day only) or cracking on with trying to conceive (the result of which could be for the rest of your life).
I’m with your finance here.

tiredandunhappy · 22/11/2025 09:23

I think some are being a little harsh here. I do understand how you’re feeling OP. You’re allowed to want to feel good, energised and beautiful on your wedding day - all of which I didn’t feel when I was pregnant (I know some would have felt all glowing an amazing, but not everyone does).
I dont think you’re being vain or a bitch or anything like that. I’m sorry that you’re feeling you have to choose between the two. I’m sorry I don’t have an answer for you, but I understand why you’re feeling this way!

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