36 but don't want to be pregnant at my wedding

[YourLivelyRedBiscuit]

Just got engaged but we've been TTC for a year with nothing. Tests ultrasounds etc for both of us all come back fine. Only problem I could think is a blocked fallopian tube which I would like to get investigated....or just plain old bad luck.

My fiancé is upset that I want to pause TTC don't want to run the risk to be pregnant on my wedding day. We are planning to be married in the next six/seven months so just a small gap in the big scheme of things. He's stormed off now after telling him and I'm upset as I feel pressure from him. He always holds me when I cry when my period comes and tells me not to stress but the fact he is getting upset about a six month breather is upsetting me because I don't feel he is taking my needs or feelings into consideration. I don't want the risk of being sick or not fitting into my dress on the special day or feel restricted with food or drink. I also know that the wedding planning will stress me out anyway as well so I don't want to add to it.

I'm also annoyed in a way that he said he bought the ring nearly a year ago but only proposed the other day. Why sit on it for so long ? We could have been married by now?!

Aibu?

Don't pause. TTC could take years which you might not have.

If you have a blocked tube, please look into this, I had this and was told that I couldn’t conceive until I have an opp to remove it.

I understand not wanting to be pregnant on your wedding day. I have just had a baby and had a terrible pregnancy sickness wise. In my first and third trimester, I threw up 3-10 times a day. In my second trimester I threw up about twice a week, but generally felt terrible and was off my food, always felt full etc and was exhausted. There wasn’t one day of my pregnancy where I would’ve been able to enjoy getting married.

However I would 100% choose my baby over a wedding day. Our wedding day can wait. We plan to do that in the next year or two.

I was 35 when I conceived, 36 now and it took us 11 months to conceive.

Time isn't on your side, do a quick wedding and keep shagging.

Do not stop trying to conceive

husband and I did a registry wedding as I was desperate to have a baby. 3 years later I got pregnant. I’m nearly 37 now and have a one year old.

weddings are nice but if you really want a baby it has to be priority for your age

Was this both tubes? I had one blocked tube but conceived however it took years

Oh wow, that’s amazing to know! Long story but had my daughter via IVF after my tube was removed, if you have a blocked tube it’s not the tube that’s the problem but it can leak acid into your womb which stops an embryo implanting which was my case. We would love to fall pregnant naturally and have another although we know we are already extremely blessed to have our little girl.

If that’s the sort of attitude you show with your finance I’m not surprised it’s took almost a year to propose to you!!

Which do you want more, the baby or the wedding?

It's not but thanks for assuming 🙄

But can you see how you’ve come here for advice and people are trying to help by giving advice or their experiences and you snap on them like that, it’s obviously not going to go down well?

Maybe the OP needs a break fromTTC. Its obviously causing a lot of stress when her period arrives each month. A few months break and a wedding to look forward to may help immensely

You're being optimistic if you assume you'll get pregnant, especially at 36.

Of course it will hopefully happen, but the next 6 months are statistically more likely to be successful than any months after that (due to egg aging).

At this point, you guys should be doing tests and considering chatting to ivf clinics if you want a child, not postponing.

I'd question if you do truly want a baby, if you're willing to take such a risk for a wedding (grand scheme, not very important)

Half of the people on here seem to pop out babies at 40 plus

There's a possibility if you aren't able to get pregnant after the wedding you might regret taking a break. You could view it as a win win. If you ttc and don't get pregnant before the wedding it won't be an issue, if you do your happiness at the pregnancy might outweigh other concerns.
Having said that if you need a break you need a break though.

I started ttc at 31, went for help at 34 due to getting nowhere. We got fertility testing and I was fine, but dh had poor motility. So we needed ivf. We were waiting on the nhs, but 6 months after the tests, I was too stressed to wait any more.

We had more fertility tests as part if the preparation for ivf. I was perimenopausal, my fertility had fallen off a cliff edge basically. Took many years, much stress and 9 rounds of ivf to produce 2 children, 7 years apart. I would never like to calculate the money we spent.

If you are serious about getting pregnant, I would advise you not to delay 6 months. It might be the difference between you having a baby or not, or having a second child, or not. For a party?

Calm down and stop the dramatics. You could pull the wedding forward and have a small quiet wedding.
If you think you might needs fertility treatment then it’s money towards that.
Weddings can be small but lovely

OP, have your baby and then get married with your child there. That's what I did and she looked beautiful in her little dress, and it is wonderful to have her in the pictures.

You have a lifetime to get married, but not to have a baby.

The best weddings I’ve been to are the small, chilled ones. They feel so personal and genuine.

I think some of these posts are quite harsh! OP, I’m in a similar situation to you. We had also been TTC for a year when we got engaged; we’ve had some tests and are aware of some fertility issues. Depending on the results of further tests we may need IVF. Wedding is booked for next summer. We have paused TTC for two months just to avoid the risk of giving birth/ having a new born on the day, and then will continue on. I don’t care about being pregnant at the wedding and when I bought my dress I opted for an A-line style, the designer is taking measurements later in case I’m lucky enough to conceive before the wedding.

Would having a briefer pause work maybe as a compromise? As long as you’re not about to pop, and presuming ofc there aren’t complications, then the wedding can still go ahead if you’re pregnant. Just plan for it with dress etc and plan a honeymoon that doesn’t involve long haul travel.

Wow. You sound like a proper charmer when you're disagreed with or you don't get your own way. Good luck to your boyfriend, sounds like he's going to need it!

So.. You've been actively TTC. You're 36 and it's not happening

Now you want to stop. Your fiance doesn't.

Your reason for stopping is because you want some big wedding that you don't want to be pregnant at?

Your fertility is not going to get better the longer you wait. What's more important to you, a big wedding months away or a small wedding right away and keep trying to have a baby?

You sound unreasonable.

This. You can have a wedding anytime. Fertility isn't going to improve with waiting, equally being stressed and upset isn't going to help so try and find a positive way forward.

In these circumstances the ttc should be the priority.

I was 12 weeks pregnant when I got married. I had to have a little nap in the middle! and (for me) it was actually quite a big thing not to be able to have a glass of fizz.

BUT it was absolutely magical. The happiest day ever knowing not only was I getting married but my little baby was on the way. I looked smashing, everyone was so happy for us. And looking back on the photos and knowing she was with us is absolutely lovely.

Truly, if you end up pregnant and having a wedding you will be twice blessed and you won’t care about the small stuff like the fizz and the dress!