To think being a woman costs more?

[ClairN]

DH and I have been having a debate on discretionary spending. AIBU to think being a woman is more expensive?

Bikini waxes, hairdressers, tights, lingerie, taxis after dark…

I’m not perpetuating it! I’m saying it’s wrong! But it’s not night to pretend it doesn’t happen, of course it happens to lots of women all the time and it’s up to them if they want to look a certain way to please their partner or if they leave.

Why can’t I say something happens (factually) without you thinking I think it’s okay?

I’m so shocked that by stating that something happens angers women so much. No one I have seen commenting believes it’s right but rather that it’s true and some women are just acting like we are saying we love it!

*But even a fairly fuss free woman needs:
Day to day bras Yep, I have 3 I wear on rotation. About 5 years old probably. Don't remember buying them
A sports bra Nope. Only exercise I do is swimming or walking the dog so no need
Probably some kind of multiway bra to wear with vest tops, racerbacks, strapless etc - if only to get married in!
Nope. Wedding dress had sewn in cups so I didn't wear a bra at all. Don't own any other clothes that require a special bra
Normal pants Yep! Pack of supermarket ones that last years
Either seam free or thong to wear under leggings/tight clothing Nope. Don't own any clothing that would show my pants or their outline
Tights A few pairs. I hardly wear them though. Maybe 10 times a year
Socks Yep, also from supermarket and last ages

I don't think I'm unusually fuss-free in that regard.

Women can walk and catch late buses and trains

Men are at risk at night too and book taxis sometimes

I believe beards need a lot of care, or they look straggly and unkempt. You must have seen a beard that's not been looked after? That's what they'd all look like if they weren't being managed - the nice neat ones take a fair bit of grooming. Men just maybe don't chat about it as spending time preening (or pruning!) in front of a mirror is maybe not considered 'manly'!

I don't have excessive hairdressing appointments or wear make up

I also don't look like I've crawled out of a cave...

Interestingly I think women's bog standard pants are much cheaper than men's. Less material/complicated design?

At least DH recently bought a pack of M&S not particularly exciting trunks for £28 for 5, whereas (I've just checked) you can get an M&S multipack of women's knickers for £8 for 5.

I don’t do any of that so for me… not really. I get the tube/bus after dark and cut my own hair. Yes we have to buy bras and they don’t but they have to buy razors for their face and we don’t.

His will last 10 years, ours wouldn’t.

I wear the same sports bras and pants under all my clothes. I own one t shirt bra.

I guess my DH must be doing it wrong then because he buys new underwear at a similar frequency to me.

I recommend reading the Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf.

I buy knickers and bras, not lingerie. Admittedly men don't wear bras and they can be quite expensive, especially if you're well endowed like me. Agreed that tights are another expense that men don't have. I'm too old for sanitary products but that is another essential female expense. I've never had a bikini wax, or anything waxed, in my life so I'd count that as a luxury. I get my hair trimmed when it looks like it needs it and I am very fortunate to have my own colour at age 68, but I do agree that women are expected to look half decent in customer facing roles and I suppose that applies to wearing make-up. The hairdressers can be as cheap or expensive as you make it, depending on what you have done, and you don't have to spend a fortune on make-up. I would say that for women taxis after dark are pretty essential if you don't have someone to give you a lift. So all in all, yes, I think it is more expensive being a women. But I think you shot yourself in the foot with bikini waxes and lingerie.

Sometimes you have to pay more for a comparable product.

A while ago I was looking at waterproof coats. Not only was the women's version pricier, it had fewer pockets. I pointed this out to the bloke behind the counter.

I found a coat elsewhere...

ETA, I am a strange shape and have to pay about £40 for a bra that actually fits.

Well done? 🤷🏻‍♀️

You can’t be saying that women aren’t more vulnerable than men once it’s dark surely? If there are statistics stating this then they must be skewed by the fact that women are already taking safety precautions by not walking home alone.

I agree. Also, it is slightly more acceptable to be different to the ‘norm’ if you are particularly gifted / a very strong leader etc. some of us are just satisfactory in our jobs, giving it 100% of what we have left alongside looking after children etc.

Some women have such deeply internalised misogyny they can’t bear the idea that women have different needs to men. You’re banging your head off a wall with this one.

Well men need socks too - and that might be sports socks for the gym, smart socks for work and "fun" socks for daily wear

Sports bras are my normal day to day bra as well, much more comfortable than underwired. I also wear them under vest tops etc too. I have one "normal" bra and one "fancy" bra for when I need something without a racerback or for going out in.

I don't wear different knickers under my leggings to normal day to day

A cheap pack of Asda tights for the few times I need them

Socks - see above

I don’t think anyone is denying societal expectations exist. We’re just pointing out that it is optional to take any notice of them. I’m not sure why that’s so infuriating to some, perhaps because it hits a nerve that they’re not strong minded enough not to do it? I mean, if you genuinely think it’s wrong, find it a faff and don’t like it, why keep doing it?

as an aside, a random man walked up
to me in the street today and told me I had amazing style. I know this sounds completely made up, but this happens to me a few times a year. Not just in Shoreditch, at work conferences too! I’m a non-shaved, non bra wearing, buzzcut (currently dyed blue) non-makeup-wearing, never had my nails done, slightly androgynous woman with a dress sense I’d describe as streetwear goth meets kids TV presenter. Clearly some people
not only don’t care that I don’t conform to stereotypical womanhood but actually think I’m doing something right!

My brother definitely used to get through more boxers than I did pants

Well the PP was suggesting if you didn't spend a fortune on make up and hair etc then you looked like you'd come out of a cave...

“I’m not like other girls”

I'm saying both are vulnerable

Men are far more likely to be physically attacked at night, that's well known

And women do walk home alone (or catch a bus or train) in the dark

The misogyny is coming from the posters insisting women "need" to spend fortunes on beauty treatments and clothing

Not from acknowledging the fact men are at risk at night too