To think being a woman costs more?

[ClairN]

DH and I have been having a debate on discretionary spending. AIBU to think being a woman is more expensive?

Bikini waxes, hairdressers, tights, lingerie, taxis after dark…

wtf are these replies.

Men have to pay for some sort of paraphernalia to manage their facial hair which must add up, whether it's razors or trimmers or barber visits. And unlike female stuff, they really can't do without it if they want to operate in normal society. Nobody need know whether I've shaved my legs, or if I'm wearing lingerie, or even if I've used old rags as sanitary products rather than buying tampons. But if a man has straggling, unkempt facial hair, he's most likely going to look like he is either completely destitute, has issues with addiction or mental health, or has some sort of condition that means he is incapable of basic selfcare. Not many people would hire someone who turned up to an interview like that. Plus, nobody can even tell if I've had my hair cut and coloured as I can just put it in a bun, whereas a man will usually need to have regular trims, or the funds to buy clippers. And loads of women don't wear makeup, or have extensive wardrobes. So whilst I would agree women tend to be socially expected to spend more on their appearance, and I'm pretty certain they do, I would argue that men have more expenses that society deems absolutely necessary.

Op, I think you lost a lot of us with bikini wax (as lots don't) but I agree with a lot of what you're saying. I am pretty low maintenance, but I still get my hair cut and colour it myself. Sure it's a choice but I feel we get a lot of judgement if we look completely scruffy. Also I was out on Saturday and made a comment about how I would get home and my bf looked like it never even crossed his mind that you wouldn't walk home just because it was dark. I thought how different it is to be a man.

Just buy the mens ones then. Just why would you pay more for pink?

Bras unfortunately are expensive

On a tangent, I used to be a punk/grungy and tbh, my clothes are still a little towards that look years later, skinnies, big boots etc. When I was at uni, I had a desk job in a bank processing centre, not customer faced. They actually called a meeting about my appearance (even though I'd made a huge effort to look smart and toned everything down!) and I was told off in front of management. I handed in my notice then and there and on my last day, I wore a floor length tie dye dress and my dyed red hair in bunchies. Management looked like they were chewing a wasp when they saw me.

It's insane that we have to be held to account over our clothes and can be held back because of them. If clean, tidy and can do the flipping job well, that's what it's important!

But if a man has straggling, unkempt facial hair, he's most likely going to look like he is either completely destitute, has issues with addiction or mental health, or has some sort of condition that means he is incapable of basic selfcare.

Or, he's just grown a beard? Does having a beard mean got addictions or mental health issues?!

wouldn’t like it if their partner suddenly stopped wearing make up, stopped shaving / waxing and allowed their grey to grow out.

Perpetuating that women are there for mens benefit. I do not give one jot if my partner doesnt like it if I dont wear make up, or shave or whatever. Because I'm a person, I do what I do for my benefit not his. I dont exist for his enjoyment, I dont depend on his validation, i'm not a doll, not a possession. If a partner does moan at the lack of this stuff; its a red flag for me and shouldn't be acceptable - just as it isnt acceptable for a woman to demand a man does/doesn't shave type thing. Body autonomy.

Although if they want a man to pay for it then thats a different story; more the fool them.

Agree with the sanitary tax. Ridiculous!

I think women feel a lot more societal pressure to ‘keep up appearances’. They’re definitely not essential activities, but people quite often decide that they are. Then they feel that the difference is treating yourself to someone else doing it for you, or diy. And it costs to get someone else to do it for you.

I reckon sanitary products and razor blades are probably on par cost wise.

Hair colouring, waxing etc, Thats a cosmetic lifestyle choice. It’s a very common one, but it’s still one. More men don’t bother with that spending on appearances thing.

But their standard pants are more expensive.

With regards to clothes it just depends what your style is. I get a lot if great stuff which is good quality on vinted. My husband generally buys new. I'm more concerned about being environmentally friendly than he is and save money naturally.

My husband plays golf so his spending on his hobby is about 4x what mine is and you need really particular clothes that are pretty dear.

My hair cuts are more expensive but his are more frequent.

He'll pick me up from the train station so I don't get taxis.

Being a women is more expensive if you buy into a lot of the patriarchal nonsense such as thinking you need to have the fanny of a pre pubescent girl.

Missing the point here.. but I bought a pair of Spanx tights in the US about 15 years ago and they are still good. Best tights.

The grey hair you’re thinking of is the one that people pay a lot of money blending as it grows out etc and needs toning. I don’t think it’s about fashion really, I didn’t say that there’s anything wrong with any of the things that I listed. Just that I think women are judged for them personally and professionally.

You’ve worded it better than I could. I don’t know why some women are really quite offended by it. None of us that do all those things agree that it’s right, just that it is simply the truth in most cases.

Yes and if your husband complains when your hair is the colour that it actually is then he’s basically telling you that he expects you to dye it isn’t he? So, that ought to be factored into household expenses surely. I don’t really have this problem as we have separate finances but I can see OP’s point. It would be interesting to know if her husband likes her with make up (expensive) and clothes that are in fashion, dyed hair, manicured nails (none of which are free) my OH always comments about loving my long hair, I like it long but if I were to wear it long for him for a long time (I won’t) I would likely need some extensions in the next few years as I’m ageing and my hair is thinning. Extensions are astronomical! It’s a very interesting post and it makes me sad when some people are so stubborn about their opinions without even thinking objectively about it. It’s like they think because one thing is true for them then it’s true for all of us.

All these people saying that if they let their grey hair grow through, and didn't wear makeup at work that they'd get passed over for promotion... would you treat a woman at work like this? If you had two clean tidy women and you had to promote one, would you always choose the one with blonde hair, nail varnish and makeup?
If you would, get a grip on your misogyny.
If you wouldn't, why do you think other people would? Which people is it you think would promote glammed up women rather than natural looking women?

OP, you are right. At the very minimum bras and sanitary products are a necessity.

The other things, like waxing, make up, haircuts (more expensive than a men’s barber trim) and even clothes are not necessity in theory but we can’t ignore that there are societal norms and expectations: a woman who doesn’t pay for any of these will in all likelihood be treated less favourably.

FWIW, my grooming expenses come out of the common pot as I judged some time ago that DH ‘benefits’ as much as I do from having a wife that has hairy armpits, wears the same outfit to all social events and doesn’t wear any make up or jewellery even on occasions.

I’m not because I’m not in charge of any of the hiring. Of course if I were I would appoint the person better suited for the job but it’s not always fair people in charge is it?

I agree, being a woman is more expensive. There are also higher expectations when it comes to appearance in the work place. This comes at a cost.
Woman's clothes are more expensive and often lower quality than men's... I own several £20.- men's jumpers that are 6-7 years old... Woman's stuff I bought at the same time has long been gone!
Then there is the forever changing fashion, men's items are often more timeless- hence my love for men's jumpers & hoodie!

Yes, it is unreasonable, and it's proven. Research the Pink Tax. I've been noticing it more and more with clothes on the high street too.

Well I would certainly need lingerie at work or I would be out of a job! No one wants to see my saggy titties scraping the floor! I didn’t mention a bikini wax though, I’ve never had one. It was hair and nails etc I was referring to. I’m not saying it’s okay or the right attitude just that it is the attitude in a lot of workplaces and in society. We’re not enemies here. We’re in the same side in that it’s not right.

I disagree sorry. I think people do care, I don’t think they should care but I do think they care and I’m standing by that.

Bikini waxes, hairdressers, tights, lingerie,

Stop doing them and see if he agrees its not discretionary, most women do these things for men anyway so if he wants a well turned out partner he can pay for it

Actually, most senior women in politics aren't made up to the nines, and do have natural grey hair. Natural nails, neatly filed wouldn't receive comment anything like as much as patterned gel jobs.

Conversely, odd as it sounds, politics is actually one area where I think we prefer women to look their age. Even Margaret Thatcher, though, yes she clearly had 'done' hair (who remembers that it never moved in the wind) looked her age, appeared to have a wardrobe of the same, interchangeable blue blouse/skirt/jacket combo.

it draws more comment if they DO have gel nails or look over 'done'. Theresa May, for example, had grey hair which certainly wasn't wind resistant, or looked like she spent hours weekly in the hairdressers, but what people commented on were her gel nails.

We expect neat and clean in our female politicians, most of whom at senior level are older.

Yes, tights without ladders, but that's no different to trousers without creases, (Boris Johnson, plenty of people commented on his creased appearance and hair that looked like he'd been in a wind tunnel).

Politicians really aren't the best example.

Only the taxis would be deemed essential to me, if I didn't drive, however there is such a thing as pink tax (eg women's razors being more expensive), plus sanitary products.

I have to say that no one at my work made any difference between those with make up and those without - or perhaps it worked against them if they wore it as I never had anyone above me female and in make up routinely

i made my own norms however being one of the first women in my tech

I've never had a bikini wax. My son cuts my hair. Tights and lingerie, maybe valid, but men need underwear too. And its rare I get a taxi, buses are fine for me.