To think being a woman costs more?

[ClairN]

DH and I have been having a debate on discretionary spending. AIBU to think being a woman is more expensive?

Bikini waxes, hairdressers, tights, lingerie, taxis after dark…

Equally, not all women do.

I don't spend money on anything in your list, so no. I do occasionally wear a bra but I haven't bought a new one in years, and I wear tights for my ballet classes (but so do the men).

Thankfully I no longer need sanitary products, but I had washable pads when I did so not that expensive once I bought them

If this is around how much of the household income you both get for discretionary spending then you are BU as it should be the same assuming married etc and it's up to you how you spend your bit., but you don't get more.

Maybe look outside of your own circle for hair.

waxing is your choice, don’t do it if you don’t want.

Your op would have been a decent discussion and you wouldn’t have been wrong had you not included waxing, haircuts and lingerie in it!

Yes of course it does. I'm not one for fancy cosmetics or any of the other stuff I would consider optional. No bikini waxes, expensive salons for me.
BUT. I have a large bust and a decent bra is around £50 so times that by however many we need to buy in our lifetime. Without a decent bra I suffer terrible back pain. And then of course sanpro for several decades.

I clocked on to the fact that mens toiletries/razors etc are cheaper years ago and always buy mens toiletries. No pink tax for me, other than aforementioned bras and sanpro.

I'm not sure OP. I've never had a bikini wax. Women's hair appointments for highlights, cuts are more expensive but mens underwear is not free and men also use taxis after dark.
I suppose it depends on how much you spend on unnecessary things like make up (things that are considered stereotypically female) etc
Imo it's probably even between the sexes.

The point many many posters have made is that you are choosing to toe the line to social pressure. "My colleagues style their hair so I have to as well." It's fine if you want to do these things but they are definitely luxuries.

I worked in a professional job pre kids, and I cut my longish hair once a year (£25 for a quick dry cut) and because it's not a 'style' I just tie it up everyday. It looks plenty professional enough. I've never had a bikini wax, or nails or anything like that. I wear mascara about ten times a year. And yet I am absolutely happy with life, my husband fancies me, and nobody at work ever judged me or refused me a promotion because they weren't misogynists. I really recommend breaking free.

Men have all the expense of going to football games and drinking lots of beer.

Sanitary products, paying for kids when husband ditches them, paying for expenses and loss of earning from pregnancy and having young kids- these are the real expenses connected to being a woman, as far as I can see.

I have never done any of the things on your list, nor do I use makeup or skincare.

Bikini waxes, hairdressers, tights, lingerie, taxis after dark…

None of those are mandatory. Possibly the taxi if your area is extremely unsafe or no public transport options.

For those saying hairdresser, you can learn to cut your own hair very well.

Period supplies. Bras. Post Partum care items. Those are necessities.

And what @takealettermsjones said about more medical tests because a lot of providers blow off women is true.

Bikini waxes never had one, never going to
hairdressers I go about twice a year. Probably ends up about the same cost annually as DH
tights worn occassionally. Might buy about 3 pairs a year. Hardly a significant expense
lingerie my pants are no more expensive than DH's. Bras are an extra yes but I buy about a pack of three every few years. Again, hardly a significant expense
taxis after dark… Maybe. But where I live both of us are either driving ourselves or in a taxi because nowhere to go out is walkable. Even when we were inner city I don't think I'd have been out anywhere that often than needed a taxi.

But then we've never made any assessment of what either spends. It all just comes out of the joint account anyway

Speaking as a man, I would say that in general and in the context of most societal expectations, being a woman is more expensive. How much more expensive probably depends on specific details and what choices each person makes.

Get an epilator for the bikini line.

I agree that I wouldn’t walk home in the dark but I would normally drive and not drink. I’m not much of a drinker anyway.

I don’t have much money at the moment so I wouldn’t buy lingerie. If my partner wants me to wear it then he can buy it. If not then I won’t.

I think being female has a huge financial impact but that’s because my children’s dad just left them so I have brought them up myself with the bare minimum CSA. He has a better paid job than me as he has been able to focus on promotion as he never had childcare to worry about. He never took equal responsibility for the children.

So I don’t think I spend more day fo day but I struggle for money as I try to give my children (who are now teens) the best without much input from their dad. So I don’t have the money to get my hair cut. My friend does it for me. She is a nurse not a hairdresser.

Their dad has more money for things for himself because he doesn’t prioritise our children.

I wouldn’t swap though.

Bikini wax?
hairdressers?
tights?
taxis after dark?

I do buy underwear but Molke bras whilst be pricy do last for years and years

thw way you choose to be a woman is clearly expensive but none of it is fundamental

Odd that bikini waxes seem to feature higher than childcare....that's Mumsnet for you.😎

Bras and period stuff, not to mention the pill.

Is this your re arguing with your husband about how much disposable income you each have and throwing in you need a bikini wax and lingerie as part of it. I mean is he asking you to do that stuf?

I agree it’s not the norm but it is optional. I doubt men in these roles dye or professionally style their hair. It’s time women stopped being like sheep and conforming to these expectations.

I've also got a fairly big bust. My last bra cost £6 because Asda sports bras do the perfect job and are always in the sale 🤣

Is your OH complaining about your spending g and you are desperately trying to convince your budger should be higher because women's needs are higher?

More the fools that pay extra by buying the pink option when a black option does the same job.

Hairdressers versus barbers, such a huge cost difference!

Annoyingly your theory is correct but your argument is wrong.

So you and DH are both correct.

The things you’ve listed are not mandatory.

I know many men who get waxed, but ridiculously expensive products and clothes, go to the barbers much more regularly than women etc.
But these are all choices, like yours are.

However, women’s products do tend to be more expensive, so do the clothes.
We also have periods and need san pro, painkillers, new underwear or sheets sometimes. We also use more toilet roll and more shampoo. And we need bras.

So yes being a woman is more expensive but most of the things that you have listed are optional, so your DH would have had a point.

You are going to get all the posters who never go out after dark and wear nothing but hideous Molke bras.

I agree with you.

Waxing - a choice
Razors - men use too
Lingerie - fair enough, we need to buy a few bras.
Hair - beyond a basic cut, which men have too, it’s fun money. Or cut your own and save money. No need to dye it or spend money on expensive styling.
Manicures - fun money, totally unnecessary.
Makeup - fun money, totally unnecessary
Skincare - was your face with an appropriate soap and water, or just water.
Extra clothes - fun money, we need no more than men do.
Accessories - initial cost but good items last decades.
Sanitary wear - a few quid a month, less if you invest in reusable.
Tights - good tights (Snag) last years so it’s hardly breaking the bank.

It comes down to the way women are sucked into commercialism. Buy one or 2 quality items a year, build a long term wardrobe. Don’t buy bags of polyester tat every season. Hair, makeup, etc - wash your hair, brush your hair and wash your face. War paint is not mandatory. Skincare is the biggest sucker ever. You age. You’re meant to age. Water from the tap, a mild soap if you need it, and a simple moisturiser. My husband spends more on skincare than me cause he has dry eczema. A vial of rosehip oil costs me <£20 and will last 6 months. ‘Self care’ isn’t about spending money.

It doesn’t cost more to be a woman. It costs more to be a sucker.

The pill is free. Sanitary protection doesn't cost much and can be bought with grocery shopping.

OK bras cost more but is still subjective. If you're claiming that you need several bras a year from Rigby & Peller, then you're clearly stretching the truth somewhat, likewise £50 a month waxing, salon hair colouring or make up are all choices not essential.