Adult DD not going to parents for birthday as they organised other event

[cotswoldsblue]

I’d love some mum advice on if I’m AIBU ♥️

I’m turning 26 on Saturday and my father and brother have a seasonal hobby, let’s say golf but it’s not. They often organise weekends around it in the countryside, where my parents live, during the season.

Last year my birthday fell on a Friday and I was invited up to see my parents. I didn’t get a message from them for the entire Friday- I think as they were frazzled preparing an evening meal for the golf group that were turning up. They of course said happy birthday when I arrived in the evening, and I had a meal with the group that was three courses and lovely- but something in the back of my mind thought it would have been nice to get a message from them that day, or a cake or cards to acknowledge it was my day, with the meal… I did get gifts the next day.

This year they’ve organised another golf weekend and my birthday falls on Saturday. My father, brother and the golf group will be out all day, so I hinted to my mum we could have a day out, go to the beach or local gallery. She said absolutely not as she was spending all day preparing the dinner for the golf group.

I don’t see to be honest why they need an elaborate meal when they get back- maybe if there was nothing else going on, but it’s my birthday as well. Can’t we just put a few cottage pies in the oven, for example, which would take a couple of hours, and a pre done cake for everyone? I just feel my parents could focus more on me especially as I’ve had a tough year. I don’t mind them organising the weekend on that date as the window is limited.

I’d rather spend the day with my friends in the city and come in the evening, and hinted that to my mother, but she seemed upset at that and I don’t drive, so would need to be picked up from the train station which is extra hassle. AINBU or do I need to grow up? :)

Oh goodness, go out with your friends.

You're 26. Go and organise your own celebrations.

I wouldn't bother going at all, have your birthday with your friends and visit your family another weekend to celebrate your birthday when they are actually available.

YANBU to want at least an acknowledgment on your birthday, even if just a message in the morning. But at 26, honestly, I’d have much rather spent my birthday with friends than my parents.

Do what suits you best op, everyone else is aren't they.

Just go out with your mates! At 26 I would have been out, not waiting home for my parents to fit me into their schedule. You can see them the next day for cake.

Go out with your friends instead, your 26 not 6. See your family another weekend.

I don't think it's unreasonable for you to choose to spend your birthday with your mates instead but overall I think at 26 it's not realistic to expect them to adapt plans for a birthday during peak hobby season that sounds like is a long standing commitment with multiple people beyond your brother.

Your family don't seem interested in your birthday, celebrate with those who are.

Stop hinting for goodness sake & do what you want! They clearly are.....

Jeezo, you’re 26 - go out with your friends. I wouldn’t be bothered in the slightest what my parents were getting up to as I wouldn’t be there, I’d be in the pub or restaurant with friends, lol. A phone call or text would be fine surely?

Your 26, why do you need to be picked up from the train station?

Thanks all! I mean yes I don’t want to go but my mum seems offended which is why I was asking AIBU :)

I wouldn’t have expected to see my parents when in my late twenties, and they wouldn’t have expected me to do so either. You are a grown adult - go and have fun with your friends. If your parents get the hump, that’s their problem, not yours.

She said absolutely not as she was spending all day preparing the dinner for the golf group.
I’d rather spend the day with my friends in the city and come in the evening, and hinted that to my mother, but she seemed upset at that

She doesn't get to be upset, it's fine. She wants to spend all day cooking, leave her to it and never hint with anyone, just be clear.
It's up to adults to plan their own birthday, spend it with your friends as you want to.

I have a 26 year old daughter and would not expect her to travel to me for her Birthday. I am not sure that I have seen her on her actual Birthday since she left for Uni.

If she wanted to spend the day with me rather than her friends I would definitely prioritise that over my husbands hobbies!

I think your Mum is being highly unreasonable to expect you to travel to their house but not then actually make a big deal of your Birthday!

I think YABU given that you are 26, I have young adult DC and they would much rather spend it with friends / partners than me.

She'll get over it. It's your birthday, do what you want to do.

At 26 you’re an adult and you can do whatever you want for your birthday. If you want to go I it with your friends then do that and arrange to see your parents a different weekend. If you want to see your parents then arrange something with them like a meal or invite them to yours. It doesn’t even have to be on the actual day.

Go out with your friends! Your mother is ridiculous. I have a 23 year old and would never expect her to come to this on her birthday!

Go out with your friends!

This all sounds a bit mad, with all the stress about the 'golfers' and cooking for them, and you basically attending a dinner party consisting of your father and brother's hobby circle? (I am assuming a pheasant shoot...)

Everyone sounds as if they're being unreasonable here. but in slightly weird ways. I mean, if they've made other plans for your birthday, don't go and visit them then. If you do go and visit them, accept that the day is not focused around you, but making dinner for the shooting party. Which sounds boring as well, so go out and party with your friends. I had probably not spent a birthday with my parents in years by the age of 26.

Why are you even planning to see your parents on your birthday, OP? You're an adult - this stuff stops in your teens. Just meet your friends, and let your parents get on with their own lives.

Guys I literally don’t want to go, people are still making comments about waiting around for my parents at 26 and not planning my own day 😆 I was asking if you were my mum would you be offended at me not coming? I don’t think she gets to be

Tbf your original post didn't ask for advice on whether your mum would be offended. I read it as being about you wanting a special day: "I just feel my parents could focus more on me", "can't they just do cottage pies" etc.

Your mum won't be offended as she's already told you she doesn't want to spend the day celebrating your birthday and would rather be cooking for the shooting party or whatever it is.

Let’s say golf but it’s not 😂😂😂

so OUTING.