Sick kids and work

[wallypops3]

My work situation is that I work Tuesday to Friday and my ds4 goes to preschool on these days. Last week I had to take most of the week off because he had a viral winter bug. Nasty cough, high temperature, generally lethargic and unwell. Just wanted rest and cuddles. On the first day my dh looked after him but he had work commitments for the rest of the week. I took Wednesday and Thursday off. By Friday I thought he’d improved a little so I sent him back to pre school and went to work. Got a call at midday saying his temperature was up again and he was upset so I had to leave work and go collect him.

My workplace doesn’t have a policy for child sickness and I have used up my annual leave (the final two days on the Wed and Thurs last week). When I went back to work today I felt like my boss was a bit short with me and asked how I planned to cover it. I am able to work from home but boss wouldn’t allow it in these circumstances which is fair enough but realistically I’d have been able to get stuff done as he was mostly asleep on the sofa or watching tv. There are far more distractions and chatting in the office to be honest.

Anyway it’s left me feeling a bit down and deflated. We have no family to support us in situations like this and I don’t expect it’s the first and only time he’ll be sick this winter. I don’t take the piss but when my dc is unable to go to childcare what choice do I have? I feel very guilty to my employer but also very guilty for sending dc back to pre school when he clearly wasn’t ready. How do you address this if you don’t have help?

But I really do think it’s pretty shitty if people wouldn’t take their partners commitments into consideration and come up with a solution that makes actual sense not just a fair and equal 50/50 split.

But it doesn't sound like you're taking the impact on your job into consideration when you say he's in meetings or in another county and therefore you have to do it.

If your DH was on the other side of the world or performing emergency surgery that would be one thing, but no meeting is so important that it can't be missed.

I used to leave a week of leave unplanned for these occurrences. It sucks but you both need to be proactive in ensuring you have some leave left and be seen to be sharing the load. I was always quite vocal at work when my husband was taking on sickness days so my boss knew it wasn’t just me. It does also tend to get better once you're into juniors.

WFH is a tricky one. It is a very different prospect working from home with a 10 year old lying on a sofa watching tv to a toddler. When I had the option I tended to book a half day of annual leave as realistically I could do some work while a small child was sleeping but I wasn’t going to pretend a full day was really viable. Now I’ve got older children, I’d most likely not book a 1/2 day of leave if my 9 year old was in the house but I would for my 6 yo.

Then you’d be 50% of the person you normally are…… but I’m sure you’d make up the difference at another time because we are adults 🤷‍♀️

Obviously not going to work for all professions, but if OP can wfh some of the time, I’m sure the boss could have given her a bit of slack in this instance.

I’ve seen emergency Nannies mentioned on here and I am genuinely trying to find someone in my area who offers this. We use private nursery and have no desire to remove my DC but could do with something for emergencies.

could anyone post a link to where you might find one or does anyone know of any agencies that provide this? I’m assuming some others have used one as they’ve been mentioned a lot.

We have a really good workplace policy for things like this so I’m happy to share it on here. You are allowed carers leave up to 4 days per year. We have flexitime as well so that helps. I normally have about a day in the bank so I can use that at the drop of a hat. You are also allowed unpaid leave if you’ve used all your options up.

If it happened to me and I came to the end of my carers leave & child was really ill (chicken pox vibes), we are allowed up to 3 months sick pay full paid, and I’ll be tempted to self certify for a week sick pay.

Of course it’s entirely up to you and that would be last resort. But I think if I hadn’t been sick for about a year, but my child had chickenpox or something, I’d ring in sick and lay low for the week. In America, they use all of their sick days entitlement every year.

Realistically the impact on my job would have been minimal. I had no deadlines or pressing matters, nothing that couldn’t have been caught up on. If I had something important going on then maybe it would have required more discussion.

and if is is not resting but is whinging crying being sick demanding attention ?

@surreygirly this sounds like a typical day in the office to be fair 😂

Slightly playing Devil’s Advocate here but the impact on your work hasn’t been minimal as your boss is now pissed off. Not saying that’s correct.

But him not covering his share has meant your boss is annoyed and you are stressed about it. So it has had a impact.

I think if both partners truly do 50:50 than the impact is much less.

I understand the reasons why he felt he couldn’t but it does make it harder for you. Hopefully next time he covers more and you do less and you’re back on track.

You’re doing the right thing OP and it’s not your fault.
Why isn’t there a law or at least a policy on this, it must happen all the time. I don’t even think it’s fair to have to save and use annual leave. You should be able to work from home or make up your hours, or add it to your own sick leave record. You aren’t having a break if you’re looking after an ill child.
Ask your employer what exactly they want you to do? Why don’t they have a policy for this common issue?

But as PP has said it’s not minimal because you now have a boss who’s pissed off with you because you’d already taken two days and then had to take a third because your DH was too busy.

My boss probably needs to be a little bit more aware of his staffs workload then he would have known it wasn’t a big deal. I take your point but I still think we made the sensible choice.

To be honest, in this financial climate I’d be more worried than you seem about pissing off my boss.

Where I work in the NHS they offer a very generous 8 days of carers leave. Some people take the full amount, every year. Always women and the fathers seem to take zero days. It’s a bloody nightmare for the colleagues who gave to pick up the slack and causes a lot of resentment.

What’s the point in worrying about it? I had no other choice. If he wants to take this approach there’s not a lot I can do about it. FWIW I doubt there will be any sort of repercussions he’s just the type who likes to throw his weight around sometimes.

At the end of the day, my dc is my priority. My job is important but if I left they’d replace me in a few weeks. I can’t be replaced at home and when my dc is sick I want to be there, I don’t want to leave him in childcare or with some random sick child nanny agency. Sometimes I don’t even want to leave him with dh (even though this is illogical and of course he’s more than capable of caring for his own child!) it’s just that feeling that as a mum when they’re sick you want to be there.

I know that I’m a good, productive employee the vast majority of the time. If they can’t see that or kick up a stink over something that’s out of my control then there’s not a lot I can do.

This.

It’s important to source care before it’s needed, as a pp mentioned have several backup people on call.

Or get a different job working opposite shifts to your husband. So that one parent is always available.

Several backup people? Who?

What’s hilarious about this thread is that those of us who understand the law, and will continue being there for our kids when they’re sick, will continue to be completely unaffected by the people who can’t stand the thought of someone either WFH or taking unpaid leave to look after a poorly child.

Meanwhile, they will continue to be angry and resentful, probably make their own life a lot more stressful than it needs to be, and pass their DC from pillar to post when they’re unwell. Sad but entertaining.

Friends, neighbours, paid carers from an agency, self-employed child minders, whatever it takes.

Kids get sick. Parents know this and need to plan strategically to deal with it.

I’m afraid that you and your dh need to take turns. Doesn’t matter if he’s got important meetings or due to work in another county!

I’m a single parent, my kids are 10 and 7, and my exh has covered one day’s sickness in 10 years! No prizes for guessing why he’s an ex. I had to cancel a whole afternoon’s worth of meetings once to rush to take my ds2 to minor injuries to get his head glued after an accident at school.

And if I lost my job my kids wouldn’t eat, but I literally have no other choice because I’m the only adult in the house.

My mum is around, but I don’t ask her to help with sick children in case she catches something.

It does get better as they get older.

I’m gonna say it’s not fair to inflict a sick child on a friend or a neighbour. Sorry. Or even grandparents (this drives me crazy - elderly people have weaker immune systems).

What needs to change is the law and company policy. Let’s not pretend juggling work and sick children is easy. We should be telling our workplaces that it isn’t easy and they need to do more. Or we leave. It’s a two way street.

Other countries have better policies on this.

My only issue is making sure this all doesn’t fall to the women in the meantime as the man’s job is ‘more important’. I made that mistake.

OP did 3 days this time and the DH did 1. Next time he does 75% even if he has an important meeting.

My friends and neighbours all work and have their own dc and similar struggles. There are no ‘agencies’ around here that exist purely to look after sick kids and if a child is too unwell to go to nursery then will a random childminder accept them? It’s all very well saying ‘plan strategically’ but for many of us there are no options. My only option would be to quit work which seems like an extreme choice given that my dc may only get sick enough to be off nursery a few times a year.

Please reread my posts. We do take turns. We just try to do it in a way that makes sense for our commitments and workloads.

Are that many people really calling a random agency nanny/ childminder that you or your child have never met and dropping them off at a strange house for the day whilst they are unwell? My two year old would be hysterical 😞 - I didn’t realise this was the norm!

That’s why it’s important to cultivate these relationships before there is an urgent need.

But you didn’t do it fairly, you had 2.5 days off last week and your dh had 1 day off.

If you need to make time up then say you will need to do it in the evenings or non working days when your dh can cover.

No childminder will take a sick child and it’s not fair to ask a friend or family member. It’s up to the parents to take time off and the financial hit if necessary.

Cultivate how? Not being sarcastic, genuine question! My mum looks after my little boy one day a week, he is at nursery three days a week and I’m off on Fridays with him. Do you have a childminder/ nanny at the evenings/ weekends so they are familiar? How do you guarantee that the agency nanny hasn't already been booked on the day your child is sick?

My little boy has a great relationship with three grandparents and is happy with them unless his has a vomitting bug or high temp, but they still work and can’t always take holiday last minute. All my friends work or are off on maternity leave I wouldn’t want to look after a sick toddler.

I’ve taken five days annual leave this year for sickness and my partner has taken more but I’m still getting a hard time at work and feel sick with worry that another illness is around the corner. I have five days annual leave saved but my manager has already expressed that he is unhappy about me taking these last minute so not sure how to navigate the situation at all!