Not going halves with friend on lunch

[Rachaelf37]

So I went for lunch with one of my close friends a few weeks ago. She chose a slightly more expensive main and after had a small pudding whilst I just had a hot drink. When it was time to leave she said shall we split the bill. I said shall we just pay for our own as I didn't have a pudding.
I got a slight discount with a card I had (gave us both a discount). I then worked out my share rounded it up slightly and paid mine. She paid hers but was complaining why can't we split it.
I already had explained I was pretty broke that month for various reasons.

She is now not talking to me, weeks later. Was I being unreasonable?

Just tell us how much it was, OP. You’ve been asked several times, but you keep repeating “pudding and hot drink”.

For what it’s worth, I’m generally a splitter, and dislike the “working it out with a calculator and paying to the exact penny” ethos. However, if I’ve ordered a more expensive dish, or more drinks, or pudding I will put in extra to cover the cost. And I accept that not everyone shares my approach and wouldn’t sulk if they chose to pay only for their own items.

OP says friend generally orders a bit more, so £5 x 4 times out becomes £20 and if they go our say once a month it becomes £60 over the course of the year. That’s a high friendship cost.

I do have friends where it does genuinely even itself out, but even then we will say “oh I had the glass of wine and should pay more”, to invariably be met with “no worries let’s just split “. Sometimes if it’s a big difference or a tight month then we will pay a different amount, but it’s always discussed and agreed and no one takes the hump.

Some posters on here are clearly used to being subsided or - almost worse in my mind - are happy to subsidise and therefore think others should be too.

consider yourself lucky she is not talking to you, she is petty and obviously a user. Asking you to pay for half of her large meal is very grabby and disrespectful.
believe me you are better off without such a user.

Can you specify the difference in cost?

Could she be cross about something else? Its an extreme reaction.

I'm not sure the exact difference. Probably about £7.
I know people are now going to call me tight etc but I had purposely not gone for the most expensive things to save a few quid as I only have so much in my overdraft I can use before it charges me for using it.

I would usually be inclined to just split evenly, because it's easier and less maths! But I'd have absolutely no issue at all with someone saying let's pay for what we each had, because how can it possibly be wrong or unfair or penny pinching to actually pay your way?

It's funny how the sort of people who do object are always the ones benefiting from a subsidy if the bill is split. Looking at you, BIL!

If I honestly knew it would cost me the friendship I'd of just paid half each but I didn't honestly expect she'd fall out with me for just paying our own share of the bill.

And in the past I've randomly just bought her a bracelet for just being my friend and supporting me through a break up so it's not like I'm always tight with money.
When we went on holiday together in the past we just split the cost of the accommodation.

What did you save by not just splitting?

I'm sorry that you feel this way and while not knowing your history of this friendship, but seriously, she has shown you what she is.

Not unreasonable OP. I used to lunch with a small group of friends. We always had to go to the same restaurant that was in walking distance to one of them. (This person could drive). When there most of us would be on water or soft drinks as we were travelling further and had driven. The local woman would then proceed to order whiskies, and doubles at that! Guess what? We were then asked to split the bill. A few of us now go out separately and pay our own bills.

If £7 made such a difference to your finances, you shouldn’t have gone out for lunch.
Make a sandwich at home.

What on earth does being Irish have to do with anything!? OP's friend was a CF, end of.

She’s your friend so ask him f it’s because of that, she’ll explain or deny because she knows it’s silly and stop sulking

Why are you blaming the OP and not the friend? Surely that would apply to her as well? OP, your 'friend' is really nasty, I think. If a friend told me they were skint that month, I would just have paid the whole bill! I certainly wouldn't have gone on a strop. I can't believe all the people making excuses for her.

Rubbish . She knew what she could afford and spent accordingly . Maybe her friend was the one that needed to do that , instead of expecting someone to pay for her share, who now is sulking!

What kind of friend stops talking to another for not subsidising their lunch? How does that make OP the right one? No consideration for whether OP can afford to be subsidising others. Some people have to watch the pennies and really don’t have enough to be spending a few quid on others and they shouldn’t have to stay home because of it.

OP YANBU unless you both have history of splitting the bill and you have had your share of being the bigger spender.

Some people always order more and more expensive food and love others to fund them. It drives me insane. You should not have to pay for part of her lunch. If she ends the friendship over this she was never a friend.

Why should that be the solution? Why do people always say 'you shouldn't go out' instead of doing what she did, by picking cheaper options to limit the cost.

Should people only go out if they can pay for themselves and half their mate's food as well?

my meals usually cost less than others because I dont drink much and don’t usually have pudding .
Ive started saying at the outside- shall we pay separately? Easier than when the bill arrives.
if the difference is really small I might just split, bill but worked out once I was paying around £10 extra , felt that was a lot to sub someone

I'm heading towards this quandary soon with our works Xmas do. Single parent non-drinker (me) to wealthy heavy drinkers. Fixed price for the meal plus drinks on top. I fortunately have quite a thick skin and have already set out my stall re splitting the bill - I'm not subbing anyone else's drinking when I can barely afford my own meal.

I don’t understand the offence people
take at others suggesting to pay for what you had. If people take that as a judgment on a friendship then how shallow is the friendship in the first place? Why is it penny pinching to pay for what you had? Why are people shaming OP for having a boundary and trying to take financial responsibility/ownership over her own spending? (Yes she’s in her OD, but she still is trying to make choices right for her and some people are flaming her for this).

Your friend is acting like a cheeky brat - is this a person you really want to be friends with?

Nothing saved , just avoided subsidising somebody else’s lunch . Her friend would’ve been the one that ‘saved’ had she split .

Do you even want to go? Sounds awful.