Not going halves with friend on lunch

[Rachaelf37]

So I went for lunch with one of my close friends a few weeks ago. She chose a slightly more expensive main and after had a small pudding whilst I just had a hot drink. When it was time to leave she said shall we split the bill. I said shall we just pay for our own as I didn't have a pudding.
I got a slight discount with a card I had (gave us both a discount). I then worked out my share rounded it up slightly and paid mine. She paid hers but was complaining why can't we split it.
I already had explained I was pretty broke that month for various reasons.

She is now not talking to me, weeks later. Was I being unreasonable?

Yeah sorry I didn't word the first post well reading it back, we both had got drinks, but I can't seem to edit it.

No, why would it be?

Not everyone is the same. And no before you ask I am not a performative under eater or on WLI.

You are a hospitality manager and think that’s acceptable? No wonder your industry is struggling so much.

Perhaps you should have suggested to your friend in advance that you go somewhere cheaper as you were on a budget. Also warned her that you would be getting your own.

In the past I have always asked for my own bill to avoid getting gypped in group outings. Ive seen the side eyes I got but I know there were others who wished they had the courage to do the same. Similarly in pubs I never bought "rounds" as a single can lost our when buying drinks for couples. However you only get one drink back from the couple since they function as a unit.

The only person who should ever offer to split the bill evenly is the person who owes the least as an act of generosity. People always are aware of their own meal cost and it's cheeky fuckery to innocently suggest splitting when it causes others to pay more.

If I was meeting a friend for lunch, I'd expect to split the bill, but I'd be making sure that I ordered what I wanted as equal as possible.
If I could only afford a drink, I'd say it early.
She's very rude, if you couldn't afford to eat.
I wouldn't want to speak to her again.

Always best to pay individually. Otherwise it disadvantages decent people not only in the sense that they often end up paying for others, but also with their own choices. If people split the bill equally, then a decent person would never order anything extravagant, even if they really really want it as they would want things to be fair. Splitting the bill down the middle makes it awkward in so many ways.

Yes I do think its acceptable for guests to order what they want and not over order with the result that the guest feels ill and food is thrown away. I cannot physically stomach a full meal in one go, you do know some people cant right? Due to age, medical issues etc.

Our industry is suffering because the first thing to go when money is tight is eating/drinking out. Instead of going out for a meal, people go to the supermarket, pick up some beers and a bottle of wine and then have a takeaway. Nothing to do with me, on a table of 6, ordering a starter as a main.

On the original post she ordered more but didn’t say what the usual situation was. It says later but only after I replied. I was only speculating

So as the friend usual orders more then she’s annoyed this time that she didn’t get subsidised. She’s not being such a good friend then despite being a close friend.

OP has done nothing wrong. It’s perfectly acceptable to pay your own. If you go out regularly, neither of you feel skint and sometimes one person has more and sometimes the other then it’s reasonable to split as it balances out pretty much. It’s unfair if people take advantage.

Unless the not talking to you is totally unconnected? Do you have a common friend you could ask?

When the person who has had more suggests splitting the bill they usually know what they're doing.

I once had a friend like that. We would meet up to eat out every so often and catch up.
They would always order 3 courses while I, not being as big an eater, would order a main course and then try a small portion of their dessert - either as a slice or a spoonful just as a taster.
We would always have a bottle of wine and I would drink a third and they would drink two thirds.
Then they'd say airily --shall we split the bill? while I got increasingly pissed off feeling like I was always subsiding their night out.
After this happened a few times, I pointed it out.
It didn't go down well.

What was the reaction?

I'm going against everyone here and saying you are a bloody tight wad.

Ah, so OP refusing to sub her friend, who usually orders more and expects to split the bill, is a tightwad.

But the 'friend', sulking because for once she had to pay for the food and drinks she consumed, isn't a tightwad.

Gotcha.

Anyway, you've done nothing wrong, OP, YANBU. You paid for your food/drinks, that's perfectly fine. And if she continues to sulk, because you refused to sub her - ditch her, she's no friend.

She's being a twat.

YANBU and well done for standing your ground but probably not the best way to keep up with friends at the moment if you are already in debt (overdraft) as you'll never get in a better position financially if you're wasting money on ladies that lunch.

But why on earth would you need to warn somebody else that you can't afford to spend a load on yourself?

Unless they too couldn't afford to spend much on themselves, but had nevertheless decided that they would spend it anyway and leave you to pay for them?

I'm sure there are some wily bill-splitters who do deliberately knowingly work things to their own greatest advantage and happily swing it so that they end up decently in profit; but it's the height of CFery to assume that you have a right to make a profit from your dining companions.

On the original post she ordered more but didn’t say what the usual situation was. It says later but only after I replied. I was only speculating

@Jeska7 - My apologies, I inadvertently tried to time-shift there!

When I go out with friends we actually take turns paying the whole bill.

I don't think you're unreasonable for wanting to pay your own. I also don't think it's unreasonable to split if it balances out over various meals. I don't keep track, to be honest.

I disagree. Greedy friends are so entitled, they believe friends are tight wads for not subbing them. I'm sure you know the type. 😉

To paraphrase the well-known phrase, they've engineered such entitled privilege for themselves over a considerable time, that being suddenly expected to pay their fair share actually feels like oppression to them.

When you say slightly more expensive main, how much difference between what she paid and what you paid in the end? There’s a difference between 5 quid and 20 quid…

I always give friends the option of
paying for what they had. Some I know will
split the bill if it’s near equal but if I had a steak or more courses then I would pay for what I had.
in this case I am guessing your friends was 7 or 8 more
so it seems reasonable that you should pay for
what you had. If your friend is unreasonable
about this knowing you are struggling then that’s pretty poor.

A tightwad for paying her way?

Really weird that OP won't say how much the difference was

If Iwas that skint I either wouldn’t go out for lunch or I would prewarn friend I was just having one course as skint.