Not going halves with friend on lunch

[Rachaelf37]

So I went for lunch with one of my close friends a few weeks ago. She chose a slightly more expensive main and after had a small pudding whilst I just had a hot drink. When it was time to leave she said shall we split the bill. I said shall we just pay for our own as I didn't have a pudding.
I got a slight discount with a card I had (gave us both a discount). I then worked out my share rounded it up slightly and paid mine. She paid hers but was complaining why can't we split it.
I already had explained I was pretty broke that month for various reasons.

She is now not talking to me, weeks later. Was I being unreasonable?

I think this comes down to personal budgets and choices.
So if you take turns paying, if you usually have around the same foods.Not such a problem.
But if it’s consistently one person choosing more expensive foods and expecting to split a bill, I’d notice that, particularly if I was on a budget. And I did notice someone ordering most expensive items when they thought bill was to be split.

Those who can’t see that 3.50 can be a real issue clearly have more money than sense

@Cosyblankets

It really isn't having a dig to point out that you don't spend money you don't have.

But she did have it, enough for what she ate.

And yes I think anyone telling OP she should have not gone/done something cheaper/done something free and basically telling off is a bit off in my book, . She can spend her own money however she chooses as can everyone else on here.

I took the £7ish to be possibly more with the discount added. But it doesn't really matter, OP was trying to be careful.

Sorry, I have a kneejerk reaction and I always feel 'urgh' when I see 'HTH' but it seems to be on MN a lot. It's not coming from a friendly place IMO and I would gladly see it consigned to the MN bin along with 'hun'. But then I am a grouchy old fart.

She's a cheeky nasty cow.

People who are entitled are probably not really worth keeping as friends.

I was referring to the fact that she was overdrawn

No the difference was £7 in total so £3.50.
I didn't say the OP didn't want to get her friend a discount, I said the OP had no choice but to use her discount card for the whole bill, so it wasn't actually doing her friend a favour.

Also, we don't know if this is an ongoing this with OP. The fact she had to mention she bought her pal a bracelet "once" to prove she is not mean speaks volumes.

There's only three possible scenarios here -

1. The friend is bonkers - but no indication from OP that this is the case. Who would stop talking to a friend for not wanting to split bill? If this is indeed what's happened, then rhe friend is bonkers, case closed, no thread required.
2. The friend has in fact NOT stopped talking to OP, but is instead going through something, has lost her phone, has been kidnapped, I don't know.
3. There is a MASSIVE backstory...

What is tacky is expecting others to subsidise your meal. As for the 'British' thing, you're right and it's something I hate about this country, our stupid 'don't make waves' mentality. Other countries are not like that, usually.

Not a friend.

A friendship which collapses because you didn’t subsidise her lunch, beyond use of your discount card, isn’t worth having.

The bank allow her to go overdrawn, though, and it's up to her how she spends and budgets to repay it. The bank don't only allow her to use it for pre-approved purchases that they deem essential or worthy.

Those of us with mortgages are effectively tens or hundreds of thousands overdrawn until we've paid them off - does that mean that we should never buy ourselves a coffee or go out for a meal?

On the other hand, it's always wise to be careful with your money - so spending a few quid on a nice not-too-fancy meal out for a treat might be a perfectly reasonable decision; but offering somebody else in a similar/better financial position some money to subsidise their treat is probably not a great idea.

She is now not talking to me, weeks later. Was I being unreasonable? She is being petty and childish. And she is a CF expecting to go halves when her food was more

Sorry. I don't get this @careerChange24. Why shouldn't someone order a starter as a main meal if that's what they fancy? They might prefer the starter options to the mains. I remember a chef who had the idea of opening a restaurant that was just starters and desserts. I don't know if he ever got it off the ground. I think it was Anthony Worral Thompson.

That would be perfect for my Mum @BatshitOutofHell . She finds bigger (normal) portions off-putting and always asks for small ones but often the standard meal comes out - she asks for a plate and scrapes half of it off. Genuinely puts her off her meal.

Why would you assume they left a tip? I don't usually

I don’t ask, it’s just the norm among me and my friends. Sometimes I’m the one paying a couple of pounds extra, sometimes it’s my friend. It just changes I don’t count if I’m overall £2.70 down

So she has eventually replied to me and said she is mad at me because of that. She thought I was being petty.
I've apologised, there isn't much more I can do. It's a bit rubbish to loose a friendship over.

This has only highlighted what your friend is like - it was going to come out eventually and it just so happened that this was the catalyst. How idiotic of her to risk a friendship over you simply stating need

Yet she was more than happy to benefit from your discount?

Next time OP make sure you order more expensive stuff than her & say you're happy to go halves..... I expect she'll change her tune then

£7 difference so £3.50? I would have just split the bill

I suspect if you look at the T&C of the discount (blue light?) that it can only be used on one bill, so if you were paying seperately you shouldnt have used it on her share. So I wonder what the difference would be if you hadnt offered her the discount.

You have the right to pay seperately, that she is getting so arsey over it confirms what I thought before, that she is mad she didnt get enough free stuff from you.

Fuck her, you can do better.

I would never, ever expect a friend who was struggling for money to subsidise me in any way whatsoever

She is the petty one here giving you the silent treatment , pathetic.

I think she’s been massively unreasonable. If you’d just been paid and had a grand in your bank account it might have been different but you were in your overdraft. You went further overdrawn to go out with her and she’s sulking about paying the right amount for her own food. If anything you should be the one pissed off that your friend has more money, benefitted from your discount and still expected you to subsidise her when she knew you were trying to not spend much! Cheeky bloody fucker, she is. Let her sulk.