To think life is better in a loving relationship

[AskTheFlowers]

I know there are lots of threads recently about how great being single is and there is a massive push for women to stay single and how much “better” it is. But for me I just don’t agree, life will always be better in a loving relationship with someone that cares about you. (Not abusive relationships) aibu to think life will always be better with a loving partner than single?

the key phrase is "for me"

Obviously you aren't being unreasonable to prefer being in a relationship. You do you.

But anyone who makes a unilateral declaration about how anyone/everyone else should feel, or what is better for them, whether it's about being in a relationship or the best flavour of crisps is unreasonable.

😂😂😂😂 that’s why it was just a fleeting thought 😂

The thing is though, even if you have the most relaxed amazing non-controlling partner (and I’m sure lots of people do) in a relationship you always have to consider another person. It’s the nature of the beast, every big decision has to be made together, and whilst there is absolutely nothing wrong with that…I don’t want to do it. I like being able to just decide one day that I’m going to drive to north wales and get a bnb for the night so I can watch the sunrise somewhere new. Or I can decide to spontaneously buy a piano, or move house etc without any input from another person whose life it affects. So for me being single just makes more sense.

This 100pc and I am a single parent

Apart from the moving house which would have to be discussed as we’d both be paying, there is nothing that being in a relationship would or has stopped me doing. If I fancied a spontaneous trip or a piano I’d just do it and tell my partner as a fait accompli.

Agreed. It’s having a child together that enforces more discussion and pre-arrangement, but only for a finite period.

mumsnet is full of people complaining their partners "tell them" they are fucking off overnight or making big purchases with no discussion

We all know that relationships work best for men and worst for women.

What do we see online? Men complaining that they cant get a girlfriend and women complaing about/swearing off men.

The statistics bear out that life expectancy is affected by marital status with married women coming off worse.

With these types of threads, I always just find it really funny how some people are SO convinced that happily single people are lying, they don’t believe them, they’re just pretending or convincing themselves.

They seem REALIY pissed off that some people prefer to live their life a different way. I just enjoy reading their assertions that all happily single people are really just deluding themselves. And then crack on with being happily single.

The fleeting thought of “what a muppet” may also flash through my mind!

Me too!
"Oh well I am sure that you think you are happy now, but just wait until you meet the right person [aside "like I have!"] and you will soon change your mind!"

I think its because they feel threatened that we can be happy in a way that they cant. We dont need a relationship but I dont think that makes us better or more superior but I wonder if those people do. Like they wish they had the ability to be happy alone and are envious of us who can, so they invalidate it in order to feel better about their own choices.

Oh dear. You gave yourself away with this one OP.

Until this post I would have said that there many, many individual ways to be happy.

I suspect you are just being goady.

'Loving relationships' are subjective. They don't have to be 'mating' based.
My life is enriched by my daughter, family, rescued cats & bird, friends...there is no desire whatsoever to share my life further with some sexual lurve. Companionship is a fine thing. You do you as they say.

But you’d still have to tell him. If you have kids then you’d have to discuss it. If you want to change jobs to a much lower paid one, If you wanted to jack in your job and go back to education. Even down to what you’re eating for tea or where you go on holidays or what music you listen to in the car. There are a ton of tiny compromises every day. And that’s as it should be. It’s just not for me.

Of course but silly things like what you watch on tv, what you wear, and if you put a Christmas tree up are just ridiculous, big decisions are normal but to discuss I can’t relate to “I have so much freedom now I can put up an Xmas tree when I want or watch what I want on tv” err yeah that’s just normal!

But if you're single, you probably don't have those choices.

We were both teachers when we met. I was miserable but I couldn't have quit teaching then, I could only just afford life as it was. After I got pregnant, I quit teaching- yes, of course I told him, but it wasn't really a discussion, it was obviously better for my MH- and he picked up the slack whilst I worked PT and established a new career.

When I got promoted and went back FT, he quit teaching and it was my turn to put more funds in whilst he found his feet in a new career. We're both earning reasonably well now and have bought a house. Neither of us could have achieved any of that single, not without a LOT of compromise.

If you are single, and you quit your job and go back to education, who is paying the rent?

As for dinner, there's no discussion. I do most of the cooking. He eats what he's given. Every now and then he'll volunteer to cook and I'm happy with whatever he makes. If I wasn't, I could always just make my own dinner, as I would if I was single.

As for what music we listen to in the car, I can't argue with you there. We can never agree. 😂

YANBU. I agree with you. Best 16 years of my life so far with my DH. My soul mate, my best friend, my ride or die. Our marriage has enhanced my life, his too, in every way possible. 🥰

I mean to reply to @BarbarasRhabarberba then.

but you can’t just watch whatever you want on tv (assuming you only have one) Becuase that would be selfish. Same as putting up a tree Becuase the other person might have wanted to do it another time for a good reason. And yes they’re small things, but they are things I just don’t want to do.
the way j see it relationships are about companionship and intimacy and sharing things togetherz.
I don’t need companionship, I’m quite a solitary person.
I don’t need sex, I have no interest.
I don’t want to share my life with someone.
so why would I want to be in a relationship where those things are not what I want for my
life.

Well I can safely say ive never been in a relationship where ive had to ask if I can go out, ask what I want to watch on tv or ask when I can put up an xmas tree. How sad.

Whenever I used to be in a relationship there were always 2 tvs! Problem solved.

The thing is that this is just your opinion, based on your experience. It's true for you. That doesn't mean it's true for everyone.

Some people are solitary by nature and are happiest living alone. Others are happiest in relationships. Some find being single so painful that they leap from one relationship straight to the next, with variable results. We're all different.

There is however no push for women to be single. There is just pushback against the idea that women cannot possibly be happy single, and if they say they are, they are lying to the world and/or to themselves. And that is patronising bullshit.

This! I’ve been single over 10 years and would like to meet someone but wouldn’t have just anyone, especially wouldn’t inflict someone less than nice on my kids. I would only want someone who added to my life and you don’t just meet these men everyday going about your life. It’s not always a choice to be single.

Completely agree. I’ve been in great relationships but nothing beats the peace of truly choosing your own path without having to consider a partner. Also total control of tv and dinner choices ! I would never go back to a relationship now I know how much I enjoy being single. We are all different though and I appreciate others feel differently!

Being autistic and having learned that I am it is honestly much easier for me to stay single. I need too much me time in order to function. Ds still lives with me aged 20 and that is enough noise and interruptions for me.

I don’t remotely dispute that some people are happier single - I wholeheartedly disagree with the OP’s premise that being in a relationship is always better. As I said earlier I’ve been happy single and happy in a relationship but one is not superior to the other. If my relationship ended I would be just as happy single l. But I can assure you that even in a relationship I do continue to do exactly as I please from watching what I want on TV to solo travelling for 6 weeks a year.

I'm happy being single I don't need someone else 😊❤️