To think life is better in a loving relationship

[AskTheFlowers]

I know there are lots of threads recently about how great being single is and there is a massive push for women to stay single and how much “better” it is. But for me I just don’t agree, life will always be better in a loving relationship with someone that cares about you. (Not abusive relationships) aibu to think life will always be better with a loving partner than single?

You have to be happy in yourself. If you are happy in yourself both a equally good

YOU maybe, I still believe we need men just as much as we need women, they're just people and the world would be horrible without one or the other (let's say we didn't need them to reproduce obviously)

For some people maybe but even good relationships take work and some people will be happier being single. We're not all the same!

Yes I have seen those reasons being used as well, watching what you want, going out when you want, even saw someone saying putting up a xmas tree when they want?? I mean what kind of relationships have they been in that’s never been an issue for me so can’t compare it to controlling relationships.

I just don’t want a man. Gone off them. Maybe hormones/age, happened quickly and quite definitively. Don’t hate them, just don’t want one. Like cats - am a dog person. I can see what people get out of them and how they enrich their lives, am very happy to engage with cats, there are some lovely cats about - but I just don’t want one in my house.

But unfortunately am straight so can’t get a wife. So am single because the alternative is men and I just cannot be arsed.

So are you in a relationship OP?
Are you a woman?

Well, yes, you are being totally unreasonable to say that life will always be better in a loving relationship with someone that cares about you and that life will always be better with a loving partner than single.

If you've decided that that's what works for you and what you want, and you have it, then great. But why the desperation to impose it on everyone?

I have masked my entire life, pretending that I loved being in relationships and I was never single because of attitudes similar to yours. But as soon as I became confident and dropped the pretence, I hand on heart, have never been happier.

I still have offers , but they would need to be rich , generous unicorns with only months left to live to be of any interest to me.

I am very happy alone and have no interest whatsoever in having a relationship. I have no desire to live with anybody nor share my life with anybody. You do you.

Has it not dawned on you that those threads are largely populated by people who have escaped from a truly shit relationship? They are overwhelmed by the relief that they don't have to put up with it any more. Life is better for them now they are single.

Yes, it is great to be in a loving, happy relationship, but not everyone is that lucky. Being on your own is preferable to being stuck in a bad relationship.

I have acknowledged in my post that I am not referring to cases of abuse, if you can’t watch what you want or go out when you like then that isn’t a normal or healthy relationship.

In my 20s? Hated being single
In my 50s? Bloody loving being single !
with LOTS of relationships in between.

I think it's more the comprises you make. You obviously wouldn't be able to watch what you want all the time, because your partner would want to watch what they wanted sometimes. Surely that was obvious?

It’s called having more than one tv.

This.
Im very happy being single i dont need or want a man to feel needed or loved.

For me it is yes. For the last 11 years, life has been incredible with my husband. Life has never, ever been so good.

I have stability, a lovely home, laughter, fun and adventure, great sex life and a wonderful daughter together. I got a second chance at life when I met him.

I would never get into another relationship and choose to be single if something ever happened.

With my previous relationships, life was terrible and miserable.

You're very literal. That was just one example. Im Simply saying, when you're in a relationship you may not be able to do what you want, when you please, all the time, because logistically you have another person to consider. Some people do not want the responsibility of considering someone else... which is absolutely understandable. Why you don't get that is remarkably odd.

Why this has triggered you to post on mums net is also odd. Are you so very happy in your relationship? Or do you just lack critical thinking?

I agree OP. I was widowed last year, felt totally adrift, but have recently met another lovely man (also widowed). We agree we’re really good for each other. He makes me feel good

Of course YANBU to think that for yourself. You probably know yourself well enough to know what works for you.

The mistake you're making is thinking that what is true for you, is true for everyone else. Everyone is wired differently. It will absolutely be the case that for some people a good relationship is the ultimate goal and will make them happier than being single ever could. For others, it will be the opposite.

It can be hard to understand that other people are wired differently to you, but it's a good thing to try and get your head around, makes you a more emotionally intelligent and socially competent member of society. Goodness knows we need more of those!

Hmm I'm not so sure. Even a loving relationship I tend to find suffocating. I enjoy my time, my space and oh my gosh not sharing a bed is the best. But that is just me.
I find relationships a lot of compromise, and it takes a lot of trust in someone to not fuck you over for better words! I've sacrificed my time, money and emotions and I just have to hope they're not going to do me over, find someone else, have an affair or simply decide to walk out one day. A relationship actually makes me feel more vulnerable more than anything else!

You don’t have to live together to have a relationship though.

This just comes across as punching down and being mean. Yes it's great if you can be in a great relationship. But if the relationship isn't great, singledom is an improvement.

Thinking about it: in a great relationship you still have moments of negativity. Being single can be lonely but you don't get the annoyances. Pick your poison.

Ive never seen this on mumsnet the only time I've seen people being encouraged to leave there partners is when the partner is abusive.

Oh dear. Your way or its not true, eh? Well, aren't you a joy? 🙄