To think life is better in a loving relationship

[AskTheFlowers]

I know there are lots of threads recently about how great being single is and there is a massive push for women to stay single and how much “better” it is. But for me I just don’t agree, life will always be better in a loving relationship with someone that cares about you. (Not abusive relationships) aibu to think life will always be better with a loving partner than single?

Who cares? Of course life is easier when you have a supportive and loving partner. But for
many women its just a source of stress, frustration and servitude.

I totally agree.

Or the poster is a man who doesn’t want to be single and is upset that women have the choice.

Surely you can understand that being in a relationship isn’t a one size fits all situation?

Being alone is obviously worse than being in a loving and happy relationship. But its better than being with someone who is a bully, controlling, mean, a cheat, boring etc etc.

Are you actually suggesting that any relationship is always preferable to no relationship?

I don't think there is a massive push on MN for women to be single.

Obviously there are always a few, but for the most part MN is anti-bad relationships, anti-needing a man/desperate dating and anti-bringing a man into the life of a child. But pro-relationships in general. Every time there's a poster finding it hard to leave a crappy relationship there will be plenty of posters saying, in effect, "You can't meet a nice a guy if you're still with a nasty one'.

Posters love a meet cute and are always encouraging women ask out/say yes to men when the signs are good.

It’s not obviously worse for some of us. It’d only worse if you want to be in a relationship and can’t find the right person. Some of us actively choose to be single and prefer it. I certainly do.

I agree. I was a lot happier in my marriage when we loved each other, now we’re just house mates, I miss being in love but know it won’t happen again.

@HoldingTheDoor

It’s not obviously worse for some of us. It’d only worse if you want to be in a relationship and can’t find the right person. Some of us actively choose to be single and prefer it. I certainly do.

I think you're misunderstanding me. I've been at my happiest single and in many ways prefer it to being in a relationship (though I'm not single now). I'm just saying that a very good, strong relationship is a nice place to be.

My take on it is that at their best relationships can be very life enhancing but that most are very over-rated. Most women have been hit over the head since childhood with the idea that they need one to be "complete" so they feel they have to have one. Far too many women have an instinctive "need" to be in a relationship hard-wired into them (which is basically judgement from peers and guilt with a heavy overlay of culture and morality) and find it almost impossible to challenge this, so they don't stop to think about whether the relationship actually makes them happy or not.

I think we're basically on the same page.

It’s a very nice place to be if you actively want a relationship and I acknowledge that most people do and there’s nothing wrong with that but I disagree that it’s obviously better or that it’s a very nice place to be for everyone. It would be a shit place to be for me and some other people because being in a relationship, no matter how good, would be the very opposite of what I want and would be actively detrimental to me.

I used to date and have relationships because I thought that’s what I had to do. The more I did it, the more I hated it.
In the end I decided enough was enough. I have zero interest in having a relationship ever again. In fact, I don’t really see what people get out of it, personally. They must enjoy it, but all their reasons why are my reasons why I hate it 😅

That description sums DH up nicely. Not a rose-tinted view of a new relationship though, we have been married for 54 years.

I was happily single and now happily married 🤷🏼‍♀️

What "massive push" are you talking about? What a load of crap. Because of a thread on MN?

You do know it's not only stupid but arrogant to to think you know how others feel?

I've been in 2 very long relationships in my life and am single now. Happiest now just broke but will get there

I have been very happy with both situations and still am.

If you are single and content, your chances of finding a partner that makes life better, are so much higher because you’re comparing what he brings to your life, to what you already have.

If you think that you’ll be happy when you find the one, or worse, when someone chooses you, the probability of ending up in a great partnership falls.

Sounds like something an incel would say? Or a very insecure woman with low self esteem who needs external validation. Are you also perhaps very young?

Yawn.

That's for the OP.

The sadness about this post is the assumption that "loving relationship" is always equated with being in a romantic/sexual relationship with an exclusive partner.

I'm single genuinely absolutely love the independence and freedom it brings. However, I would also say I have many "loving" relationships. None of them are currently romantic/sexual but some are with family members (my sister especially whom I'm very close to), some are very close and caring (best friends plus a supportive group who are very close knit and whom I met via a volunteering job), some friends are male (past workplace colleagues etc.) or old friends from the past (often couples with whom I've become 'part of the family' such as former colleagues, neighbours, friendship groups or hobby groups)...the list is endless to be honest.

I'd agree that life is really so much better with loving friends and mutual support from others.
I'd disagree that you can't have this when living the single life, and also I'd disagree with the assumption that a romantic partnership is the only way of achieving such relationships.

Sometimes. Relationships aren't static things and no matter how much love there is, there are times, even in the best relationships, when its difficult to live with someone else or to compromise, to never have full autonomy.

I think having love is very important, but that cam come from other places than a romantic relationship.

Please provide multiple examples from Mumsnet where people are trying to ram the benefits of being single down people's threats, aside from cases of abuse.

I think culturally, for the overwhelming majority of time, women especially have been told that success in life = marriage (and probably kids). This is a big part of why so many women put up with shitty relationships, because even the worst relationship is perceived as better than being alone.

If there's now more prevalence of a narrative which says that being a single woman by yourself is enough, and you don't need a partner to prove you've made it in life, that's fantastic! I haven't seen any threads suggesting that being single is better than being in a good relationship, I have seen a lot of threads pointing out that being single is not worse than being in a good relationship, and that it's certainly better than being in a bad relationship.

I'm not sure why it would bother you OP. Other women being being happy single doesn't mean your happiness or relationshipis worth less!

I have been happily married for 31 years and I can’t imagine life without my DH. Some people are genuinely happy being single probably because of past experiences but a lot of people who claim to be happy being single are not happy. They just pretend to be happy to make themselves feel good

Well, surely you could say similar for married people who aren’t genuinely happy in their relationship but pretend to make themselves feel good? With an added side helping of societal approval for having done the culturally-sanctioned thing?