To think life is better in a loving relationship

[AskTheFlowers]

I know there are lots of threads recently about how great being single is and there is a massive push for women to stay single and how much “better” it is. But for me I just don’t agree, life will always be better in a loving relationship with someone that cares about you. (Not abusive relationships) aibu to think life will always be better with a loving partner than single?

I disagree. I do not have the time, energy or inclination to give any part of myself to another person. I get joy from being alone and pleasing myself, I do what I want when I want. I do need nor want a man in my life.

I have plenty of loving relationships with my adult DC, friends and my parents. A man would not enhance my life in any way.

I think some married / attached people find it really hard to believe that a person can be truly, 100% content being alone but I am. I just do not have it in me to share myself with anyone.

Some people are genuinely happy being single probably because of past experiences but a lot of people who claim to be happy being single are not happy. They just pretend to be happy to make themselves feel good

Honestly we don't pretend.

I agree (for the most part if you like compromise.)

But they are incredibly hard to find. And being single is better than a poor quality relationship.

Where are all those threads?

That works both ways though.

There may be people who pretend to be happy single but who actually want to be in a relationship. There are certainly people in bad relationships who pretend to be happy because they don’t want to admit what a shit deal they have.

What’s irritating about the OP’s post is the assumption that everyone is exactly like the OP and single people are all secretly jealous of people in relationships.

People are wired differently. Some people struggle to function unless they are part of a partnership, others find relationships difficult and restrictive.

Why does that upset or unsettle people in relationships? Its not a criticism of your life.

There are always these threads claiming to be a response to “so many threads” alleging being single is better but those threads are always weirdly absent.

Something about a woman / women being content being single or not being happy with it but not bothered enough to try and change it, that really upsets / bothers people.

And it’s curious to me why that is. I mean even if somebody is lying about being happy single….so?

Exactly. I don't know why happily single women trigger some people to the extent that they must convince themselves we're lying.

OP's mum wanted her back bedroom back and he has no credit on his phone.
He's currently sulking in his Warhammer hoody whilst having a crafty vape in the alleyway outside Poundland.
.

It goes both ways, when someone protests too hard, or is trying too hard to convince others they're lying, it's their own situation they are struggling with.

Why would anyone say that it's not possible to be happier single? And who even cares? It's not about them.

But at the same time, why is it not possible to be happy in a relationship, and why pretending that women MUST be abused/ domestic slaves/ miserable/ with no freedom/ made to tip toe around the master of the house 😂

If you are happy with whatever situation works for you, you are losing credibility by bitterly trying to convince everyone else they must be miserable.

I think it’s fair to say , there are people happy to be single & unhappy to be single ..
People happy to be married & people unhappily married ..
People who pretend to be happy single & people who pretend to be happy they’re attached ..
Confused yet ! 😂..
Suffice to say the world is made up of all of the above , it’s not a one size fits all ..
That my dear ladies is life 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Well im not going to sit and link every thread but you can use the search and loads will come. I just wanted to say how amazing being in a loving relationship is and how its much better than being single and alone.

I've done both. Was in a long term relationship until 2017 when we separated and I became single for 5 years. I then met my current partner and now I can honestly say I'm happier than I've been in many years. But I think this is down to the fact he is the right guy for me and I'm very much in love with him. I was never really in love with my previous relationship, I hate to say it but I settled. BUT I do understand why people say they prefer being single. For those 5 years I felt so much freedom and I did enjoy doing whatever I wanted whenever I wanted to. But I definitely was depressed and a bit lonely during that time, I can see that now. So yes in my opinion being in a real loving relationship is of course better but not just any relationship, I personally believe many people do just settle and this can lead to arguments/resentment etc in which case being single would be better

Its almost like everyone is different, and some people are happier single and some are happier in a relationship. I am happily married, but I have no trouble accepting that some people are happier single. To be fair, having seen what is out there, if anything happened to DH I would almost certainly rather stay single than get into another relationship.

If it's what you desire, yes. But some people don't want romantic relationships.

But can you not grasp that this is an entirely subjective view?

You are happy in your relationship. Others prefer being alone.

Why do you feel it’s necessary to tell others their reality is wrong? It’s bizarre. You do what you want. No one us stopping you. But do others the courtesy of accepting they know their own feelings. Not difficult.

Why is it different to starting a thread saying how much better life is single? Have I touched a nerve

when people start or gloat on threads about being single (as opposed to just BE cheerfully single and getting on with their lives), it's only because they have a massive chip on their shoulder and they try to convince everybody (and possibly others) that there's no mistake and that it was a choice, not that they've been dumped .

If someone must start a thread: "look at ME! Look at how happy and single and independent I am, look everyone, admire me, I pity everyone who is not single, you poor idiots what a pathetic life you have" it says a lot about them,but not what they think it does 😂

The same would apply for a thread about being happily in a relationship but pitying those who are single

I totally believe you when you say that. And I believe everyone else who says it too. However, I don't think life is amazing as one half of something else and I'd like to say how amazing life is when I'm unchained and free. Why wouldn't you believe me? 🤔

I am in my 50s , l have also lived happily enough in a relationship 20 plus years, obviously some ups and downs, lived happily single after initial adjustment, not all pla in sailing but that's life.
Now l feel l have best of both worlds. I met my lovely partner last summer, and we are very happy living apart. l have my own lovely home, pets and garden, He has his house in next village to mine. It works well for us.
What l will say it's better to be on your own, than to wish you were.
I think people who are capable of adapting to what ever situation they find themselves in always fair the best.

I have not started a thread saying how much better life is when you’re single. But at a guess I would say:

• Because society in general posits the view that people in relationships are happier and everyone should aspire to this. Its a narrative women are fed from childhood. People who are happy single quite justifiably may feel that they want to make their case
• Because anyone on here for more than five minutes can see there are many women made miserable in their relationships who feel it’s necessary to cling on for dear life. People happily single are doing them a favour.

Why do you think this has “touched a nerve”? You seem much more triggered by people saying they are happy single than they are by you.

I’m single and have been single for what feels like forever. Of course, I’d love to be in a loving happy relationship, but that hasn’t happened and I’m not settling for a mediocre relationship in the meantime.

'Better to be in a happy loving supportive relationship than unhappily single' - yes obviously. 'No single person is truly happy' - not so obvious .

Loads really won’t come up. Especially not recently.

That was surely the intention wasn't it.

You still never replied to the question about whether you're in a relationship or if you are a woman.

If you really can't picture being content when single perhaps you need to do some work on your self esteem.

I think you can be happy single that’s not what I’m saying just that life is so much better/ happier in a loving relationship no matter how much you like being single life will always be better with a partner.