MIL wanting 1:1 time with GC aged 1

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DS has just turned 1 and MIL has started asking if she can have him for the day on her own as she feels like she doesn’t get any quality time with him (we see her every 1-2 weeks) and to ‘give me a break’.

I’m not really sure how I feel about it - 1 feels very young for him to be doing this and MIL is v pushy so if I say yes once then she’ll constantly expect it and I know she’ll be pestering for sleepovers as well. I also love spending time with my little man and don’t need or want a break anyway!

DS still naps in his cot for hours at a time so it’s not like she can take him out for the day anyway so it will mean MIL taking him to one of his toddler classes which selfishly I really like doing with him. She looks after SILs children 3+ times a week so she gets to do all of that anyway albeit not with DS.

MIL took about a decade to accept me as part of the family as well so I do feel like this is her way of managing me out of the picture as well.

AIBU to not want her having DS on her own yet?

First post nails this.

This scenario comes up a LOT on MN.

She sees him very frequently and is pitching this as giving you a break but you don't need one and don't feel right about it so please say no.

There is no reason why she needs to be alone with him for a whole day - it's just all about her. You're also wise to think of the additional requests that will come next.

And ignore any nonsense on here about 'Just don't expect her to babysit in the future when it suits you'. .

I think either parent should be able to veto leaving a baby alone with another person. But also there is a biological and societal asymmetry that does make a mother’s role different (for most families) in the first year or two, and that should be respected not undermined.

Where has OP said that’s what’s happening?

I would also fundamentally disagree with this. In our house, if either parent has concerns about leaving DC with anyone, they are taken seriously. It’s not about “vetoing” each other but working together to keep the kids safe.

I'm not saying she did what does the DH think of it all. Been quiet on that front

I think it's what the rest of us know as hyperbole

Just as an update in case anyone is in a similar situation, I arranged for MIL to have DS while I did some shopping…… she didn’t stick to his routine and laughingly told me how her dog kept licking DS on his face 😡

As I suspected, she’s now pushing to have him 1 day a week and when I told her no, she went to DH and asked the same question ! So my advice to anyone else would be stick to your guns, if you give them an inch they take a mile !!!!

Dog licking his face?, absolutely disgusting.
She wouldn't be minding my child again and I would embrace the fallout.

Not surprised. Just stick to your guns now.

She Sounds awful. Going to your DH when you said no is really low. I hope he told her not to try that again?

Well done for trying OP, but she's really not the sharpest knife in the drawer, is she? It clearly didn't occur to her that in order to have longer 1:1 time with your DS in the future, she needed to do everything by the book so you would know you could trust her. Instead, she's done the precise opposite! 🙄 When she asks again (and she will) I would point out to her that you can only leave your DS with someone you trust to care for him in the way you expect him to be cared for; that you gave her this opportunity to show she could be trusted and she totally blew it. She's a foolish woman.