Ex charging daughter for animal supplies

[StitchHappens]

My ex got a rabbit for our daughter (now 13) around a year ago. At the time she was spending half her holidays at his, and half of her weekends fri to sun, the others just on a Sunday. He had an agreement with her that she was to pay for everything the rabbit needed (food/bedding/treats/toys etc). I thought this was unfair as essentially the only way she had of funding this was the pocket money I gave her and her savings, however it was an agreement between them so I didn't interfere.
Since then he has started a business with his partner which means if my dd is there she has to be with them at the shop for the day. Due to this she has started just going to his late on a Saturday night and staying til 4 on a Sunday (when she has riding lessons there - which I pay for). This means she has very little time to spend with the rabbit, basically cleaning it out on a Sunday morning before leaving around 9.30am ish. Because of this he suggested that she bought the rabbit to mine, which i agreed to. Ex came in to discuss yesterday when he dropped her off and asked if we had everything we needed including a cage. I said i wouldn't be buying a cage as I was under the impression it was just a case of moving the rabbit from one house to the other. He then messaged my daughter last night and said he would bring the rabbit when she had transferred £60 for the cage/mats. Am I wrong to thing he is taking the piss?? Or is this between them? I am inclined to transfer her the money as u don't think he should be asking her for it. They got the rabbit for free and she has paid for everything it has needed for the past year.
Aibu?

I’ve had a few rabbits including ones who didn’t appear to get along with others. It’s all in the way they are bonded. A local rescue will always help you try and bond a new mate and help you do this. Please get the poor bunny a friend. As for your ex I’d get the rabbit and cage and tell him to stick it after that. What kind of man financially abuses his own daughter!

New hutch for rabbit. Do not let him manipulate your daughter or yourself in that way. Awful behaviour

RWAF website

Please check out this website so that the rabbit can receive proper care. The 'breeder' saying the rabbit doesn't get along with others, clearly has no idea what they are doing. Rabbits should be neutered and bonded with mates. Who pays for the vaccination bill each year, or is this not done either?
Really upsets me when people get a pet without proper research and support cruel backyard breeders :(

I've caught up with your posts now OP. I agree with @Wildthingsinthecarpet . I also think that both the bunny and DD are very lucky to have you!

He’s a prick.

What a tight fisted miser. You're doing HIM a favour by taking on a pet he got, which BTW was probably to keep your daughter occupied at his. My dad this the same thing but with a kitten, kept us busy and not bothering him and then when he said he was getting rid of it because he didn't have time for her (he lived next door to his gf so he did have time he just would rather have been at hers) he emotionally blackmailed my mother into taking it as we obviously cried our eyes out not wanting to lose our kitten.

My mum stood firm and accepted the kitten but made him pay for her being spayed, he tried to wriggle out but no. Your ex needs to and over all the kit for the rabbit, tight arsed miser.

Thanks, someone linked to that site earlier. It looks really helpful. She has only had the rabbit around a year, but as she hasn't mentioned paying for vaccinations I doubt they have been done. I will get vaccinations and neutering done ASAP, and hopefully that will help with the aggression and make her more accepting of another bunny 🤞

I've read your updates op and as a daughter of another miser who also got us a pet then dumped it on my mum, his ex, your daughter will one day be wise to the fact that it's not normal how her dad treats her.

My father was the same, as kids we once let him into the house we lived in with my mum to show him our Christmas tree, innocently of course and because he saw she had a new sofa he tried to change cms claiming she had more money. She has remortgaged to buy the sofa, times were tight growing up.

His girlfriend didn't treat us well either and I stopped seeing her when inwas about 23 after she'd been a prickly jealous thorn in my life since age 8, 15 yes later she still hates that me and my sister sint see her and my sister no longer will see our dad either. I see him but am aware of what a crap dad he was at times and nothing can undo that. When I look back at some of the crap I put up with as a kid when you don't know any better or are thirsty for approval it's so sad, I have my own child now and can't imagine behaving so.

One day she'll wise up and it's wroth having a quiet chat with her now just saying look I'm not going to criticise but I just want you to know you shouldn't have had to pay for this, its not your responsibility and please come to me if you're expected to pay for things there and I will make sure you have the money or make sure you don't have to pay.

This is absolutely disgraceful. She hasn't even got the rabbit yet and you're already accusing her of abuse. FWIW, OP asked for advice on her ex's behaviour, not on keeping a pet rabbit.

Not read full thread only op posts… but your ex knows full well that it’s you paying for the rabbit op. You give your 13 yo dd money as she wouldn’t have any otherwise. So he’s being a controlling ex fuckwit… to both of you.

I agree. Leave the tosser ex with an empty cage as a visual reminder of what a spiteful dick he is.

Check out this woman on IG who has cats, dog and a few bunnies in her house. They free roam all together but the bunnies go to bed in their own caged area at night.

www.instagram.com/reel/DP6unUWD-g_/?igsh=MWtscm9nbDg4cnRnaA==

In addition to @lessglittermoremud excellent advice I'd add to be aware that they can be destructive. In particular be careful re electrical cables which can get chewed which obviously can be dangerous.

Rabbits can be great pets but easy/low maintenance they are not (at least when kept well). I think the misconception that they are is why so many do end up in rescue or worse, stuck in a too small hutch 24/7.

Don't you dare give him a penny. The cage won't meet the rabbit's needs anyway.

Put the money towards adequate accommodation at your house, or rehouse the rabbit if you can't afford, or don't have the space for, the housing rabbits need.

Your ex is financially abusing his daughter. It's not 'between them'. You need to stop it ever happening again. She's a child, he's abusive - you need to intervene.

She will see the difference in attitude when the rabbit is living at your house, when you check with her to see if there is enough food and bedding then put what is needed on your shopping list, when the rabbit is given space to be in the house, when it is spoken of kindly and included and acknowledged as a “member” of the family. She will see it, and she will remember it.

I hope she can already see the difference in the way I treat our guinea pigs, and that is partly why she wants the rabbit here.

And practically, I had two house rabbits without a cage, with two dogs and two cats.

The house rabbits were fully litter trained and had free run of one large room of the house, which had a dog guard across the door to keep them in and the dogs out. It should be noted that the rabbits didn't give a fuck about the dogs, and the dogs were scared of the rabbits.

The rabbits and the cats got on very well and would hang out together.

The rabbits would have opportunity to explore more of the first floor - where their room was - when the dogs were shut downstairs, and they also had time outdoors, either in a covered run, or wombling about on a sunken patio with us, with a gate across the top to keep them in.

You'll need to rabbit-proof their room - we had all the plug points moved to waist height as they can't resist wires, and some rabbits also chew carpets, floors and skirting boards. There are solutions for all of these things - it's not as bad as it sounds - but you do need to take the warnings seriously. Doesn't matter how many chew toys you give them - they will also chew something you don't want them to.

Now I got lost in the bunny videos but this bunny is being raised by cats so thinks it’s a cat. Also this woman’s pets live better than I do.

www.instagram.com/reel/DPtuTRvkeiU/?igsh=ZzlqaWczdXprYm4y

No!!! It should be OUTSIDE in the garden for most of the day eating grass and weeds! Not roaming round inside on carpet when it’s bedtime! It’s not a hamster as it’s not nocturnal. It needs an outdoor cage with a run and make sure you keep the dog indoors when it’s out

@StitchHappens
You really should stop entertaining the Rabbit Emancipation Militia. No matter what you do or say, they won't consider it good enough.

You get more angry when someone criticises your rabbit owning skills than when someone criticises your parenting skills. You come across as very passive, like you've given up. Why can't you slag him off to her? Slag him off! He's a dick! Also go to CMS. He's not even paying for his own kids.

It's fine.. I quite enjoy the way some posters tie themselves in knots to make you wrong whatever you say or do. I don't take anyone like that seriously. I'll take 98% unreasonable, the other 2%... well, there's always a few.
As I've said i will take appropriate advice regarding care of the rabbit, it wasn't what I was posting on here about, but some posters have been very helpful and informative, which I'm grateful for.

I haven't read the full thread, but I have read all the op's posts. I have had several rabbits that did not get on with other rabbits (I had multiple rabbits at the time) and I had to keep them separated as they would fight with the others. However they did go in runs next to the other rabbits and their hutch faced the other one so they could see them and be near them but if there wasn't wire keeping them away there would be blood! In fact my last rabbit was one of the lone rabbits and he positively perked up once the other rabbit died, he became a house rabbit and was the happiest he'd ever been as a lone rabbit - he demonstrated this by lots of binkies and flops. He loved to take up residence in the middle of the kitchen floor so that he could accost anyone walking through for cuddles. So I think it is possible this rabbit would be perfectly happy on it's own as long as it gets lots of attention through the day. Wait until it has been neutered before you make any decisions about getting another rabbit as if it has been aggressive before then neutering might stop that.

I disagree. I'm just waiting for anyone to actually come up with a better way of dealing with it.
I could slag him off to my hearts content, and do to my friends and family, but it would only alienate my daughter and make her more defensive of him. How would that help her??
Go to cms? For what? He is self employed. I'd get sweet fa. How would that help?

The rabbit will have a much better life in your home. If it's female it does need to be neutered to protect from cancer. Either sex needs to be vaccinated. Rabbits can be litter trained but this one may not have been trained. They need lots of hay in their diet.

Yes rabbits are social creatures but bonding is not something that can be rushed and house rabbits can be single rabbits if they have decent human company. If a rabbit really cant live with other rabbits it could be because its sick and cant cope with being mounted. Both male and female rabbits mount the other sex and sometimes its too painful. I've also known a rabbit whose first sight of another rabbit resulted in her charging at him and biting the fence between them. They could never be left alone. Your rabbit will enjoy toys like carboard boxes will holes in them. If a small rabbit a short length of plastic soil pipe (someone may have an off cut) makes a good tunnel. If you know anyone with a fruit tree prunings will go down well.

In summer hopefully you will be able to let them graze outdoors. If you have any fruit trees you'll need to keep them away or they'll eat a ring of bark. Some things are toxic for rabbits - including some lettuce. towcester-vets.co.uk/article/towcester-vets-share-good-and-bad-foods-for-rabbits/