Ex charging daughter for animal supplies

[StitchHappens]

My ex got a rabbit for our daughter (now 13) around a year ago. At the time she was spending half her holidays at his, and half of her weekends fri to sun, the others just on a Sunday. He had an agreement with her that she was to pay for everything the rabbit needed (food/bedding/treats/toys etc). I thought this was unfair as essentially the only way she had of funding this was the pocket money I gave her and her savings, however it was an agreement between them so I didn't interfere.
Since then he has started a business with his partner which means if my dd is there she has to be with them at the shop for the day. Due to this she has started just going to his late on a Saturday night and staying til 4 on a Sunday (when she has riding lessons there - which I pay for). This means she has very little time to spend with the rabbit, basically cleaning it out on a Sunday morning before leaving around 9.30am ish. Because of this he suggested that she bought the rabbit to mine, which i agreed to. Ex came in to discuss yesterday when he dropped her off and asked if we had everything we needed including a cage. I said i wouldn't be buying a cage as I was under the impression it was just a case of moving the rabbit from one house to the other. He then messaged my daughter last night and said he would bring the rabbit when she had transferred £60 for the cage/mats. Am I wrong to thing he is taking the piss?? Or is this between them? I am inclined to transfer her the money as u don't think he should be asking her for it. They got the rabbit for free and she has paid for everything it has needed for the past year.
Aibu?

You could devote your whole life to this rabbit, and some posters would still say it wasn't enough.

It sounds like you are a good pet owner, OP, and that you will give this rabbit good care when it arrives. If I were you, my first priority would be getting it out of there and into your home, even if your set-up isn't quite sorted yet. It sounds like the rabbit has a sad life as things are now. When it arrives, you can read up, talk to experts and make the changes needed to give it the best care you can manage. Good luck!

They really shouldn’t ever be kept in a hutch. They actually need a lot more space than people think and should have ample room to hop and leap. My rabbits spend a lot of time racing around playing in their room. I can’t imagine keeping them locked in a hutch.

1. get the poor rabbit a playpen so it can move around - rabbits don't belong in cages

2. PLEASE consider getting a mate for the rabbit. Breeders are scum.

3. Tell your ex to take a long jump off a short plank.

I agree with other posters - just get another hutch & run for it from market place or even a new one. Then he will be stuck with it & I doubt he would get £60 for it from anyone else. It doesn’t sound much fun either for DD to go & sit with ex & his partner while they work. She sounds old enough to stay home & relax or go meet some mates. Does she even want to go over?

What an utterly wicked man. Wicked to the rabbit, his children and you. Nasty nasty piece of work. I hope you can make it work for your dd to have her rabbit at yours. She will realise when older that he was wicked to her and her rabbit. Fancy making a 13yo pay for her pet’s things. What a fucking monster.

Sounds like he has it in a dog play pen inside. It needs a proper wooden hutch and an enclosed rabbit run in the garden.

www.feelgooduk.net/products/bunny-ark-rabbit-hutch?srsltid=AfmBOoq-Bl22M9rMXjHhbMAtJIHhWNOSSR9TYO9VdOSQFMWf7XUHUk1u

Good advice here.

Can you ignore dickhead Ex and make a project of it with DD finding out and sourcing what bunny needs and gently introducing a partner?

We built a huge enclosure out of wood and chicken wire and my buns had a lovely life and lived til they were 12.

Nope, they should not be confined to a hutch only… you need to check the MINIMUM recommended requirements to house a rabbit! My guess is you’ve either never had a rabbit or you’ve stuck one in a hutch now or previously. I keep rabbits thanks and are well aware of requirements … think you may be a MN nutter … typical, commenting on what you have no clue about!

What a shit! I would buy a new cage if he will let her have the rabbit for the pleasure of knowing he is left with an empty cage - but that is probably very childish of me !

I meant hutch

She says so. I've made it clear that she can always stay here. I don't think she enjoys sitting in the shop, but I pay for her to do pony club for 2 hours each Sunday, and he takes her, so i think that's the biggest draw at the moment.

I didn’t mean to come across as aggressive so my apologies for that - I suppose in your shoes I would be telling her that this sort of behaviour towards people - and people in your family - is not ok. And that she doesn’t have to accept it; and that if she didn’t want to tell him she thought it was unfair or if she didn’t want to go to his house / give money / keep the rabbit there etc, then you would say it to him for her. I think she ‘wants to see him’ because she is desperate for his validation and trying to win him over. I suppose I think you need to tell her that she is worthy of more and doesn’t have to pander to his wants and that him making her do these things to ‘stay in his life / good books’ makes him a shit dad and she doesn’t have to accept shit treatment from anyone including her father or any other men in her life as she grows up. I think it’s setting a bad example in that sense. Xo

That's really helpful, thank you. I hadn't come across the uterine cancer info, so will definitely make sure it is neutered. Vaccination is a given.

I think the poor bunny is not long for this world.

This. What an absolutely horrible dad. I doubt your daughter will forget this sort of behaviour, and he'll wonder why she does not want to see him as time goes on. What an idiot!

Yes. It could have its own room, though not free roaming when there was nobody home, just in case it escaped, and went downstairs. It would have free roaming of upstairs 4-9pm weekdays and sundays, all day Saturday and all day in school holidays.

No problem, if it’s been taken to a vet previously they should have mentioned it as it’s a high percentage around 75-80%. We rescued a pair of females and booked them in to be neutered and vaccinated as they hadn’t been done.
They weren’t quite 4 and the vet said that one of them had a mass, only small about the size of 20p but it is quick spreading so if I hadn’t taken her in then she would have probably passed away within a year.
Obviously your bunny may not be female but given its temperament is a little iffy with other animals I suspect she probably is. The breeder should have neutered her before rehoming if she wasn’t keeping her for breeding anymore.

Rabbits should not really be left in doors as you say. Yes rabbits can be indoor rabbits but it is not the only way of looking after rabbits.
We rescued our rabbits and the rescue centre would only allow us or others to adopt when they have been to the house to check the size of the hutch, run and garden. They were very clear that the rabbits were to be kept outside with grazing etc. Our rabbits have a massive run attached to the hutch for when we are at work and the other times they are roaming our garden. Its fabulous to see them running and jumping.

Thanks. I absolutely agree with you. I try incredibly hard to work in her self esteem and make sure she knows she is enough as she is.

You shouldn't transfer the money to your daughter - he probably knows you will so happy to ask for it.

She needs a reason to stand up to her appalling father, and £60 is a very good reason for a 13 year old. Don't help her to placate her Dad, her job isn't to keep him happy.

It’s certainly an upgrade from he’s current situation.

well done and good luck.

Awful father ?!!!

Yeah, it's a female. I doubt it has ever been to a vet..
I'll definitely get this sorted ASAP. I was going to book her in for a check up anyway (always a good idea with a new pet i find), so will arrange it then.

I dunno. Would YOU like to be living in the same house as a dog with a "huge prey drive" if you were a bunny?

And still no wee pal to while away those long lonely hours with.

I absolutely agree. Also a rabbit should not be kept in a cage.