First Date slapped me on bottom

[highstoolfling]

I went on a date last night with someone I’ve known for a year or so. He’s actually my son’s friends dad. He has made huge efforts to woo me. Lots of banter in texts. Saying lovely things about me etc. The date was lovely. He picked me up. Got reservations at my favourite restaurant. All good. Definitely chemistry. When we were at the pub I bent down to help a lady get her coat from behind my chair. My date walloped my bottom. I was mortified. There were lots of people there. Some of them I knew and I had introduced him too. I just feel so compromised. I’m 47 and have had my fair share of lurching hands etc. I just feel so yucky. I won’t see him again. But should I tell him why. My friend says I should give him a second chance. It was just a bit of craic.

He didn’t ’tap her on the bum’. He smacked her, hard enough to leave a bruise, in front of other people. This has nothing to do with sex drive.

A couple of days ago, you started a thread about how unpleasant, lazy and sexless your husband is and what a miserable marriage you’re trapped in. I don’t think your ‘D’H is a good benchmark for first date behaviour, seeing as he turned out to be a complete cunt?

You are in (Northern) Ireland, right? Because that last message had me feeling for my kneecaps.

Ignore and block.

I would be mortified also and I would tell him why but then I've always been of the 'feminist killjoy' variety.

I'm a bit puzzled as to what it's got to do with sex drive as per pp.

Quite agree with this. Tell him what he did wrong, pig that he is. How disrespectful on a first date!

Ooft.

Tell your "friend" she can fuck right off with her second chances bollocks.

He absolutely did sexually assault you and you have witnesses. Don't let anyone minimise this. If he'd walloped you on any other part of your body, enough to leave bruising, would posters and your friend be treating it like nothing?

Tell him straight why you don't want anything to do with him, and why he's lucky you are leaving it there (if you are).

I absolutely do not blame you if you want to just draw a line under this, you are not under any obligation to report him for assault. Personally, I would be reporting him to 101 and getting a doctor to look at the bruise and take a photograph. All these creeps start with small things women are supposed to ignore and laugh off, like grabbing and flashing. The fact that it's ignored emboldens them to go further.

It doesn't matter if they won't do anything. If it is reported then there will be a record of his behaviour so if he does similar things to other women or worse then there will be a previous record which will help with sentencing.

They are more likely to do something in this instance though as there is physical evidence of an assault i.e. bruising, as well as witnesses and CCTV.

Why do you want this man to get away with his behaviour?

What a wanker - hope you’re ok Op.

If someone "walloped" me on the ass in public they would have get more than a few firm words.

Dump the dinosaur.

I think that it's worth reporting this to the police, since you have witnesses. It's not a joke. He hit you and humiliated you.

I don't think you are making too much of this. Quite reasonably, you didn't like him smacking you and you didn't like people you know seeing it happen. There's nothing to feel cheapened about. And on your first date! It might relieve your feelings to tell this man exactly how off-putting his behaviour was, either in person or in a text.

It's one thing to slap you on the arse (which in itself is rank anyway) but he actually hurt you with the force of it.

No way on earth would I be seeing him again and I'd be telling him why. Grim.

So...many...responses...

This 💯

Honestly, I'd text him an tell him you don't want to be in comunication any more and that frankly, you were horrified that he thought it was okay to smack you on the ass in themiddle of a restaurant and did he even realise how hard he hit you?

He did it so hard he’s left a bruise. Did you miss that?

The awful thing is that some women would give him a second chance, for whatever sad reason. And that is the kind of woman he is presumably looking for.

I wonder why he is single?

I completely disagree re misjudging his strength, do you know how hard you have to hit an adult through clothing on an area like the bum to leave an actual bruise? If you hit yourself relatively hard on the bum now enough for it to sting in the moment, then imagine how much harder it would need to be to leave a bruise, it’ll make you realise the force he must have hit her with. Nowhere near playful, fully aggressive.

You would be happy about someone hitting you hard enough to leave bruises in your 20s?

Great guys don’t commit sexual assault HTH

It's a mystery. He assaults women in public and then sends them pictures of himself with firearms. What a dreamboat. Not like a sex offender Elmer Fudd at all!

Made me quite sad reading a woman say that 😔

Read the room Fgs

YADNBU, IMO the photo he sent you is another red flag

What?