First Date slapped me on bottom

[highstoolfling]

I went on a date last night with someone I’ve known for a year or so. He’s actually my son’s friends dad. He has made huge efforts to woo me. Lots of banter in texts. Saying lovely things about me etc. The date was lovely. He picked me up. Got reservations at my favourite restaurant. All good. Definitely chemistry. When we were at the pub I bent down to help a lady get her coat from behind my chair. My date walloped my bottom. I was mortified. There were lots of people there. Some of them I knew and I had introduced him too. I just feel so compromised. I’m 47 and have had my fair share of lurching hands etc. I just feel so yucky. I won’t see him again. But should I tell him why. My friend says I should give him a second chance. It was just a bit of craic.

So, if a woman doesn't like to be walloped (not tapped) on the arse in public, whilst bending over to pick up another woman's coat, she has no "sex drive"? Do you have any idea how unintelligent that sounds?

@highstoolfling its not to late to report him to the police for assault please do so. Men like this don't change until they fa e consequences, help his next victim

you are absolutly not making too much of this, hes got an arcaic mindset that thinks this is accepable behaviour, if he tried that in the work place he would be sacked, do not go any futher with this man or he will be expecting you to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, this is a dinner on the table when i get home mindset... best left in the 70's

Any time you start to think you may be over reacting imagine if he had done it to your face, its not much different

God what a piece of shit he is. And you're bruised. That's horrible.

Please don't feel bad for not reacting at the time. You did the right thing for your safety - anyone hitting a woman hard enough to leave a bruise is unpredictable and you got yourself away safely which is the main thing.

Also you fried is an idiot and needs to address her internalised misogyny. There is nothing fun about what that fuckwit did.

Wtf possessed him?

Hard enough to leave a mark... incredible. What an absolute twat.

I don’t think it’s a “minor infraction”. A wallop on the bum in public on the first date is really quite far outside the realms of appropriate behaviour. If he’s like this on a first date when he’s on good behaviour what will he be like 10 dates in or in 10 months? This is literally as good as it gets and it’s BAD.
OP you’ve made the right call, he’s a wrongun.

Urgh.
how to make sure your first date is your last date, chaps.

I don’t think I would mind this if it was in the house or something, but in front of an audience - how awkward!!

I can see why you would be put off. It’s something you could probably look past and laugh at if you were 20, but not in your 50’s.

Eek, I don’t know what advice to give. I would probably be honest with him. Were you quite into him (pre-slap), or not too fussed?

I often get a slap on the arse, but this was inapproriate.

There's no going back. He was testing her. It was a test to see what he could get away with in public. A classic bully and abuser. She has dodged a massive bullet and saved herself a lot of time.

I'm so sorry. This happened to me once, he hit me so hard. It really really hurt.

Please don't think you are making too much of it. I felt like I had to minimise at the time. Now I realise it was an assault.

Sending hugs.

YANBU, but probably he should be told why

Your friend who thinks this twat slapping your arse is okay has a low bar imo.
I would have slapped his face in return, but I'm a bit of a hot head and don't care one way or the other.

Why would it be funny in your 20s but not in your 50s? Being hit really hard is fucking terrible no matter what age you are.

If he'd walloped her on the head would it still be funny?

The mark makes it worse but I can easily see him misjudging the strength. It's irrelevant though - a gentle LOVE pat would have been entirely inappropriate. A full blown wallop is just despicable.

I wish I understood WHY there are so many of these men behaving like this these days. I just don't get it.

You absolutely haven't got a slow processor. Don't undermine yourself by telling yourself this. Millions of women would say nothing in the same situation. A mixture of shock, embarrassment, disbelief, social conditioning and a freeze response. You've had chance to gather yourself now and can act in a more conscious and considered way that youre comfortable with.

@Topjoe19Because we are different in our 20’s and would perhaps enjoy the attention (appreciate not everyone).

But he didn’t wallop her in the head? He slapped her arse because it’s a sexual thing. He wasn’t going to lamp her across the face.

But on the whole, I think it’s v odd behaviour and wouldn’t be too keen for that to happen again!

You absolutely haven't got a slow processor. Don't undermine yourself by telling yourself this. Millions of women would say nothing in the same situation. A mixture of shock, embarrassment, disbelief, social conditioning and a freeze response. You've had chance to gather yourself now and can act in a more conscious and considered way that youre comfortable with.

Well you've totally misunderstood my point but ok.

I just don't think age matters when it comes to being slapped.

Have you (or him) been watching Only Fools and Horses?! 😁
Brain went straight to where Rodney slaps a woman on the arse saying "fancy a ruby?" just before she wallops him for it 😁

You're right, he is VERY wrong and I'm with those who think you should tell him straight.

Thank you for this.
You have articulated my exact feelings when this happened to me.
That someone had the nerve to assume they could do something that enraged me and made me cry (when I got home), at age 62 is something that I’m still processing, a month later.

I just heard from him. A random this time last year memory of his phone. Of him holding a rifle. He says this time last year I was in X with my friends at a shooting range.

You don’t actually think the police would do anything do you?