First night away with new BF, was he unreasonable

[India87]

As above - would you expect your partner to tell you if they were going to be bringing ‘kink’ items? Or is it appropriate to find out by walking into the bedroom after a bath and finding said items being worn?

You should have taken a photo and showed it to his grandparents and parents at the Xmas dinner 🤣

Well, I agree re discussing first. Though I think men with kinks or fetishes do see women as objects rather than people which isn't much good for long term relationships. One wonders why the OP's ex-boyfriend had split up with previous GF.

😂😂😂

🤣🤣🤣🤣

"that's so lovely as I'm into medieval torture" 🤣🤣🤣

"I've got my pincers" 🤣🤣

I’ve had another torrent of abuse today so blocked him. ‘Anyone going to a hotel should know it’s unlikely to be all vanilla’ his latest ‘defence’ 🙄

It was probably muffled to be fair!

This is very weird OP.

I’ve had boyfriends with kinks, and none of them have seen women as objects at all. In fact, the most misogynistic (and violently abusive, as it sadly turned out) man I ever had the misfortune to have a relationship with was easily the most straightforward/vanilla in bed, by miles. And honestly, the two most adventurous were the two nicest men I’ve ever been with - one of whom is my lovely, kind, sensitive, gentle partner, who I’ve been with for 22 years.

And of course, women also have kinks and fetishes.

The OP’s boyfriend wasn’t a complete shitbag because he had a kink. He was a complete shitbag who also had a kink. Very different things.

WTF? That is NOT A THING. This man is an absolute loon.

Him: ”I’ve just seen a really good deal on a lovely country hotel. Shall we treat ourselves to a weekend break?”
You: ”Oh yes, that would be great. Do you want to bring a dildo-mask or shall I?”

No. Not a thing.

I’m also imagining it the other way around, ie he’d have a woman stay over and she’d suggest something mildly kinky and he’d go, ‘Er, what? Surely you must know that sort of thing is only for hotels?’

What a pig.

He's not only a pig, he's an ignorant pig. You're well rid of him.

I mean...is this like a totally out of the blue/out of character surprise or something? because granted that is a bit weird I guess, but how i'm imagining this scenario playing out in reality, i'd laugh at how clunky he's been but no I don't think i'd be upset.

If be totally up for the toy if it was discussed first as I am a total perv. But that's the issue, consent. You don't just spring that on someone and expect a good response. Man is a total knobber.

"Do not contact me again in any way."
And block.
If he does, file a police report.
It is absolutely clear he is somewhat unhinged: lacks respect, sees you as an object, tries to gaslight you that the sex props were "for you", tries to make himself the victim by accusing you of shaming him by your refusal to play along, unable tp accept rejection, continual contact trying to manipulate your emotions, trying to coerce you, the red flags are bloody endless. If he's on a dating site I'd flag him as well. It might sound OTT, but to err on the side of caution I'd have security cameras at home.

This. He's a wrong'un.

So sorry, OP. Wishing you well.

The few times I’ve been treated to a romantic weekend in a hotel, (except when I was just a wild teenager) the whole caboodle of great food and wine, a beautiful location, and lavish, comfortable accommodation was as much a part of the experience as the intended sex marathon.
I mean, we’d be treating ALL our appetites; certainly an excellent way to enhance intimacy.
But being whisked away a guy I hardly knew only to be expected to switch into sex robot mode from a cold start? Feck orf.

He and his ex must have spent a lot of time in hotels then. :)

Fair enough, in an abstract way the thought of a man lying with a plastic dick on his face is funny.

What's not funny it all is the actual reality of it happening to the OP. How in a split second she went from romantic weekend to finding herself alone in a hotel room with a man she now knew to be a creep. The knot of dread and probably panic she felt wondering how to safely extract herself from that situation. I think all women can understand and empathise with that feeling.

You say yourself you wouldn't have found it funny if it happened to you. The 'hahhaa omg so hilarious you made my day' post I was replying to was completely tone deaf AND it was posted after the OP had updated to say the guy had turned nasty on her.

Good reply from Mrs TP - it’s not prudish to dislike this creepy behaviour!

It’s NOT hilarious, it’s grim and creepy. The OP could easily have felt intimidated and very upset by this.

If @India87 is still going to update the thread, I'm curious about whether she stayed (and had vanilla sex?) or got the hell outta there and left the dildo-faced ball-gagged guy to yank away?
OP has said her reaction was WTF? and has since ended it, but what happened in between?

Please tell me you at least got a photo!

Seriously though unless he knew you were up for it then it should have been discussed.

Im a kinkster myself but there are boundaries.

Total utter creep. Also no class at all - staying in a hotel room does not obligate anyone to have sex (not to speak of the kinkier side of things). You are better off to have got rid of the entitled idiot sooner rather than later! I would also be tempted to get an STD check just incase.

Fucking hell, he's a bell end isn't he!

Me and DP are going to a hotel for 3 nights tomorrow. We've been together 20 years, and I can promise you it's going to be entirely vanilla!

Adventurous sex doesn't necessarily mean kinky - which IMO tends towards fetishes, etc. Dressing up isn't a kink but is very normal as are some sorts of roleplay - not the sort where someone dresses as baby, however - and dressing up in leather like a torturerer with whips etc is a kink, and men dressing up as and wanting to be the 'woman' is AGP - a fetish (this one apparently appeared in 'White Lotus'). Gags, strangling etc are fetishes and not part of any normal, healthy sex life. Anal sex is harmful for women (tearing of rectum/faecal incontinence, infection).
OP's ex turned out to be a creep, too.

Not really anyone’s business, is it?