Humiliated in restaurant

[Satwife]

Out for a meal last night with family/wider family. Starters all came at different points and a couple of issues with the mains too (forgetting sides). I had a polite word with the waitress who was apologetic. DH felt this was unnecessary.

Bill was brought over by a man and he apologised for the issues and said they were very busy with new staff getting used to things before December. Apology was directed to me.

DH said ‘sorry mate, she’s due on’ and laughed. Man didn’t react and awkwardly said he’d get the card machine.

DH maintains today I was being unreasonable and he attempted to diffuse things with humour!

He doesn’t respect you does he?

@everytimeifalliloseitall as a former restaurant manager I can tell that a) what the OP describes is not minor b) I would rather have a complaint so I can fix things than no complaint and then a bad review and the loss of custom and c) have a sweetie for winning this weeks "Totally missing the point" competition.

@Satwife The question isnt was it ok, you know it wasnt and the back up you have received on here has proved it. The question is; what now? He has shown himself up to be an immature misogynisitc bellend with a massive inferiority complex. He is pathetic. I am afraid the first incident would have given me the ick but this one would cement it.

Any thoughts on what you do going forward?

How absolutely revolting!

That's really horrible - but the humiliation is his, not yours because he revealed himself as the absolute twat he is

Your husband sounds thick, mean and basic. I couldn't be with someone like that OP. Really sorry. Agree with others he's embarrassed himself, not you. But the fact that he tried to put you down like that is skin creeping shit.

This. No one just morphs into an embarrassing, misogynistic prick overnight. If your post said something like “I’ve been seeing this guy for 3 months and he said this at dinner” I’d understand and be like, well you’ve seen his true colours now, time for the bin for him. But you MARRIED this guy. How can you be surprised enough at his behaviour to post about it? He must have been this kind of man when you married him surely, or at least not long into the marriage??

The only reason for feeling humiliated is the realisation that you have chosen a misogynistic prick for a partner. That might be reason to reflect on your life choices but the restaurant staff will simply be directing their mirth at the total prat your husband has shown himself to be

Ah yes, it’s the woman’s fault isn’t it.

No man would do that if he were not an ignorant, misogynist pig all round. So, you need to be asking yourself: why stay with an ignorant, misogynist pig?

Not getting what you ordered isn't a minor thing is it?
It's also quite normal to expect everyone to be able to eat their starters together, then move onto the next course together.

No one has said that but I think its valid to point out that for every total arsehole pulling this shit there is a woman who, for reasons that are beyond me, married him. So either he wasnt that bad and he has developed this tendency over time and you put up with it or he was always that bad and you married him anyway knowing what a dick he is.

No one is saying his behaviour is your fault but you staying and putting up with it is.

DD (14) just got in and I read it to her and she said "Why the hell is she with him?" ..... from the mouths of babes and all that.

Has he always been a pathetic twat?

How tiresome.

Agree with this. They do it because they can.

This is it…in a nutshell. Your husband feels inadequate and is looking for agreement and approval from a waiter/stranger. It’s pathetic behaviour from a pathetic misogynistic needy excuse for a man.

Gross...

What a prince ,kick him in the bollocks and dump

What an idiotic thing to say.

Well to be fair, if the woman puts up with this sort of shit, then absolutely they take a share of the blame, unless of course it’s the one and only time it’s ever happened and is completely out of character
But that wasn’t what I meant to convey - just that the only reason for you to be embarrassed is for having such an arse as a husband

He sounds like a cunt. Would he have rather not had the sides then mentioned you’d ordered them?

I would have turned my head to the waiter and responded: "please do n't listen to my husband, he just farted because he's having a gassy day and is in foul mood".

This is the kind of joke I would have heard from my uncles and my boyfriend’s dad in the 1990s….guys with Bernard Manning and Chubby Brown VHS tapes who are now dead of various gammony ailments.

Seeing your “nowhere else to go” follow up made me sad. If you did have somewhere to go, would you? If someone handed you keys to a home and enough cash to start again without him, would you take it? You’re only here once xx

@Satwife My cool, calm reply to that, with a dead-eye stare, would have been "Only a misogynistic moron would say something like that. Are you a misogynistic moron DH?" And I'd keep staring until he gave me an equally public apology. (Not that my DH would ever say such a thing because he doesn't think like a misogynistic moron.)

Honestly OP, why on earth are you with this rude and unpleasant man two years later?

I understood but my husband wouldn’t have a clue as to what he was talking about…hence the blank stare from the waiter.