Humiliated in restaurant

[Satwife]

Out for a meal last night with family/wider family. Starters all came at different points and a couple of issues with the mains too (forgetting sides). I had a polite word with the waitress who was apologetic. DH felt this was unnecessary.

Bill was brought over by a man and he apologised for the issues and said they were very busy with new staff getting used to things before December. Apology was directed to me.

DH said ‘sorry mate, she’s due on’ and laughed. Man didn’t react and awkwardly said he’d get the card machine.

DH maintains today I was being unreasonable and he attempted to diffuse things with humour!

Yes. What a horrible man

What situation?

What humour?

Didn't you ask his permission before speaking & he felt he had to put you back in your place?

Reminds me of Downton Abbey.

Something along the lines of "of course she doesn't have an opinion. When she does her husband will tell her what it is".

Fucking HELL that's bad!!

I'd be seriously considering leaving him.

What a MOMENTOUS twat!!

You say that you have nowhere to go , OP. Does this mean that you would like to leave him if you had somewhere else to go? Do you have children? Do you own or rent? Do you work? Sorry for so many questions. And what he said is really not OK, as other PP have said.

I just could not be with somebody who thinks it's ok to make comments like that.

I really couldn't.

What on earth do you see in this absolute prick of a man !!! He sounds utterly loathsome.

Oh my fucking God - what a shit bag! How dare he! Hope you kick him to touch!

Your husband is gross and fairly misogynistic.

I can’t abide people who complain about minor things in restaurants

How pathetic of him. I'm glad the man just looked blank. You were perfectly reasonable to politely make comments if things were missing or needed to be changed.

You don't just eat everything then come at them with a load of negatives. You say it as soon as it happens so they can rectify it like you did.

If your DH was happy with everything he simply should've said 'I really enjoyed it all, thank you.' when he came over. He didn't need to try and belittle your minor complains or make sexist remarks.

Or, if he felt your words or manner unnecessary then he could've simply put his hand in his wallet and offered an above average tip.

Blimey, what a complete arse he is. You weren't at all unreasonable politely mentioning issues to the staff.

My hands would have been just itching to slap him (DH) one across the chops if he had said that about me. I wouldn't have of course, but the temptation would have been very strong.

Is this a regular type of behaviour from him? Does he often try to humiliate you in public and passing it off as humour? Not at all funny and I would be telling him so. In fact, I'd probably be telling him that if he ever did anything like that again then he'd find I wouldn't be hanging around for more. I'd even be tempted not to hang around for more this time but I assume you might need time to process things and start getting your ducks in a row.

He's a misogynist.

He humiliated himself, not you. I'd ask him if he felt really embarrassed that his crap joke fell flat and that the waiter clearly thought he was a right tit. Cringe for him.

How edgy.

Another limp dick loser trying to play for the approval of another (better) man. Yuck!

Hopefully you're sorting out your living situation, as I can't imagine anything is more crushing than having to live with someone who has no respect for you.

Grim.

I hope you don’t have daughters OP because your husband is bringing them up to believe that they should never have an opinion or “step out of line” because they will be being hormonal and should be laughed at.

I hope you don’t have sons because that is how they are learning their wives should be spoken to.

Yanbu not the same but I have had someone apologise on my behalf before when I'd done absolutely nothing wrong and I was furious and then they twisted it like I was overreacting and just trying to start an argument for the sake of it. I have no advice but I completely get how mad you must feel. It was a few years ago it happened to me and I'm still annoyed about it

That is genuinely shocking. That would make me seriously question my relationship.

Wtf is wrong with him. He utterly embarrassed himself and made you look a twat

Why? If people spend a lot of money they are entitled to good service. Of course your "minor" issue could be major to the OP, and vice versa.

I gasped at that. I’m so sorry he said that to you. There’s more to this than just slagging you off and undermining you - which he shouldn’t do anyway, while you’re trying to get orders sorted (granted I hope politely). He should stand by you.

Instead he’s trying to power-play - put you in your place and by weaponising your female state against you as something shameful, and then invite stranger men to ridicule you, in front of an audience of your family.

I know LTB is bandied about here a lot, but I’m even more sorry that you have to wake beside a disrespectful misogynistic moron.

He sounds utterly pathetic.

What an absolute pig. He shouldn't be allowed out in public.

Sorry, I could not come back from that comment. Your husband is a disgusting pig. Not humour, just making everyone else feel awkward, and embarrased.

I hope you have no children, I could not let them be influenced by piece of shit, he would not be a good role model.

Find a way to leave for your own self respect. He gives me the ick just thinking about him. He is a moron.

How about people who tell everyone that their wife is on her period?

Wtaf, I think would have replied , yes I am sorry too, he’s a c*nt. It’s seems more important to get a laugh than be a supportive husband. Strong conversation needed about what happens if he ever tries it again. Sorry he did this, you deserve better.

NTA. He made himself look like a twat and the waiter did the right thing by ignoring him.