Humiliated in restaurant

[Satwife]

Out for a meal last night with family/wider family. Starters all came at different points and a couple of issues with the mains too (forgetting sides). I had a polite word with the waitress who was apologetic. DH felt this was unnecessary.

Bill was brought over by a man and he apologised for the issues and said they were very busy with new staff getting used to things before December. Apology was directed to me.

DH said ‘sorry mate, she’s due on’ and laughed. Man didn’t react and awkwardly said he’d get the card machine.

DH maintains today I was being unreasonable and he attempted to diffuse things with humour!

Like their wives' periods?

I know, right? 😀

I rarely get embarrassed these days - too long in the tooth. But I'm cringing with second hand embarrassment at your husband.

Even my 21 year old son wouldn't make period jokes. Not with his mates. Not at home. And most definitely not with his girlfriend. He's proud of her and doesn't need to put her down.

You deserve better OP.

How awful. Everything about this scenario is dreadful. Your DH deserves a punch in the face. Please do NOT let him get away with this.

Having worked for a hotel and restaurant chain, and checked out many establishments incognito (both our own and local competitors), I applaud anyone who complains in a restaurant, as long as it is appropriately handled. I don't understand why so many people are uncomfortable doing it. That said, in most situations the staff concerned often appear oblivious or competely nonchalant regarding the issues, which is why in most cases I would contact management afterwards. They are sometimes not aware of issues when certain people work together, or on particular shifts when they are not around, so the only way they find out about them is when a customer raises an issue.

As far as your DP goes, his behaviour is unacceptable, whereas yours most certainly was not. Disappointing that no-one else spoke up in response to his juvenile comment. I hope he has some seriously good qualities to make up for the embarrassment that he undoubtedly is at times.

Wow. 😳
Is your husband always a cunt in restaurants?

That is very disrespectful! Sounds like he enjoys belittling you? Are there other occasions where he has done this? So sorry, you must be feeling pretty upset that your soulmate can be so cruel x

What a charmer he is.
I sometimes complain in restaurants as I’m on a special diet so if I have requested no dressing for example, and there’s vinaigrette all over the salad I have to send it back. If dh said ‘sorry she’s on her period’ I’d be absolutely furious with him and probably walk out of the restaurant and go home, and then he could sleep on the sofa.
The problem is not you complaining it’s your DH and you need to address that - as for the ‘clubbing’ comment, that’s even worse. I would t have forgiven him for that.

I see you say “dss”, so another woman has dumped him. Clearly more sensible than you.
Don’t set your bar so low.
And he’s infecting his son with his misogyny.
I’m sad that the others at the table didn’t call him out. I couldn’t have sat there silently.

Yes I have three brothers and a father who was of a different time and could be disparaging of women so my radar is acute. I would have unquestionably have called the dickhead out at the table.
He’s shown his true colours. when he tells you who he is, believe him!

What a PIG.

He needs to read every comment on this thread and grovel. If he declines, or if he still try to excuse his behaviour, then you will know that this is genuinely time to plan your escape, even if you take no immediate action.
You really dont want this feeling fir the rest of your life and if he responds badly then that's exactly what you'll get.
Whether you have kids, debts, pets...you can always start a new and better chapter

He should become an ex husband.....

I'm sorry? I think you'll find he's a misogynistic pr1ck...my husband is a typical, middle aged bloke, my friends are typical middle aged blokes -- and not a single one of them would say something so unbelievably rude, particularly about their wife. And your husband hasn't only done this once, this is a habit of his.

Does he regularly put you down like this? At home or elsewhere. Chipping away at you slowly, leading you to believe this is 'normal'? This is not normal. If he's middle aged then he is no longer a "lad" and it's about time he grew up.

My husband drives me bonkers - and I'm sure I drive him up the wall - but we would never put each other down in public...a bit of light banter around the family (mostly joining in with teasing siblings/parents) but besides that we show each other the utmost respect. As we should. I don't understand why you're accepting being treated like this and making excuses for him.

No, he’s just a typical middle aged bloke

You're making excuses for this man and his unacceptable behaviour.

Others have probably said the same (I hope!) but no, this isn't a typical middle aged bloke at all. He sounds like a complete arsehole.

My DH is a "typical middle aged bloke" as you put it. He enjoys a few pints with his mates, talks about sports, work, building work that's going on in the house...

He would never in a million years say the things your DH says as they're massively disrespectful and sexist.

Sad that you think this is normal though.

Yanbu. I'd have been fuming.

All of this a million times over.

It's awful that the OP has been made to think this is how all middle aged blokes are because her DH and probably all his mates are like this. Birds of a feather and all that.... I can imagine the type. Desperate to be a "lad" and make people laugh with his shit jokes.

But no, I don't know any man - including my 20-something nephews - who would who would talk this way about their wife or girlfriend. Because they've been brought up with respect.

I agree. Even your two examples are disgusting. The man tries to humiliate you in public for laughs. Men joking about their wives in pubs, while pathetic is not intended to humiliate their wives while they are sitting right there. You did nothing wrong in pointing out that the service wasn't up to scratch and the manager came over to apologise. He was an absolute dick. And the fact that your DSS laughed and you said you were used to it sounds like he has form for humiliating and belittling women and seeing it as a joke. Did he do it to DSS's DM? Is that why he's sensibly her ex?

This is really sad. All cut from the same cloth. He surrounds himself with people who think the way he acted and spoke about you is ok.

So they forget your sides and you say nothing, even though you’ll be charged for them?
Well, I think I can’t abide people who don’t point such infractions. It’s not necessarily a complaint. Could be a reminder to staff…you ordered more than they brought. Why would you let that go?

Absolutely, leave a shitty review for the restaurant that will affect all future business - or have a quiet word with the waitress to rectify a situation!
Mind you, you do seem to be a bit of a keyboard warrior that has no problem being strong behind the scenes!

This right here - frustrates me to no end when people are keyboard warriors after the event, leaving a bad review that is pretty much permanent having given no opportunity to rectify at the time. I wonder how they’d feel if someone reviewed them for whatever work they may do when they may have been new/having a bad day/lost someone/a little too busy to give full concentration and not given them an opportunity ….. for a restaurant, it’s like a formal warning at work just without the investigation

That is awful.

What did you say at the time?

What a fucking twat. I’m furious on your behalf!

That’s horrible …… what a lowlife your husband is. Made even worse that he can’t see it. Do the same to him

I'm sorry, please could you bring enlightenments, re what DSS abbreviates please? 💚🤔💚