Humiliated in restaurant

[Satwife]

Out for a meal last night with family/wider family. Starters all came at different points and a couple of issues with the mains too (forgetting sides). I had a polite word with the waitress who was apologetic. DH felt this was unnecessary.

Bill was brought over by a man and he apologised for the issues and said they were very busy with new staff getting used to things before December. Apology was directed to me.

DH said ‘sorry mate, she’s due on’ and laughed. Man didn’t react and awkwardly said he’d get the card machine.

DH maintains today I was being unreasonable and he attempted to diffuse things with humour!

Meal served by a waitress. Some side dishes are missing. Guest approaches waitress to ask about missing dishes. Waitress gets them and maybe gives an explanation (forgot them, one of the dishes not ready, missed off the order....all normal for a busy restaurant).
I think this is exactly how guests should interact with staff. No need to get the manager or write a bad review. I'm sure the waitress handled it professionally.

Have my first LTB!

Apart from your DH, this sounds like how an interaction in a restaurant should go. You make your point, they explain and apologise if necessary, everyone moves on. No need for waiting to leave snide reviews later.

Then your DH embarrassed everyone around and is probably completely oblivious as to what a pig he came across as. Nobody is thinking badly of you for his comment, only him.

Totally mad responses regarding the waitress. It would be completely patronising and humiliating if one of her tables went and complained to the manager before speaking to her first, and if one of her tables posted a bad review then she might have got into trouble. Just let the woman do her job, she’s not a child!! It’s literally her job to make sure her table are happy! It’s also not even a complaint to point out that the food orders are getting jumbled up - it highlights to her that something’s amiss so she can do her job and get it done right.

Jesus. Or you could just get rid of waitstaff altogether out of fear of them being humiliated by ordinary interactions. I’m sure they’d all love to be replaced by a QR code and out of work.

Do you just go without then, when "something's missing"?

Or go the manager behind the waitress's back?
Instead of giving the waitress a chance to sort it out herself. Now that IS humiliating....

If there is an issue of course the staff should be made aware. It was wrong of dh to say what he did.

Greetings original commenter
God Bless You - Most surely you're not unreasonable & I'm shocked your husband thought the comment /put down, he made towards you, was in any way humorous
Yes much more like humiliating than humorous 😢
In this day & age, it's absurd that he'd find his comment, even acceptable 🫂
Sending you much love & compassionate empathy 💚

What did your wider friends/family make if it? Did anyone tell your husband he was being a knob?

Your husband sounds like he's still living in the seventies.
You were not humiliated - he just outed himself as a juvenile idiot.

I wondered this. He really sounds obnoxious.

'DH said ‘sorry mate, she’s due on’ and laughed'

I used to meet women with husbands like yours. Total twats. I felt sorry for the women. You deserve better.

He's not on your side btw. Whenever he's in the company of men, it's clear he's the type of man who will throw his own wife under the bus if it elicits a laugh or gains approval from the other be-penised person in the room.

It's divorce material in my book. That should have been the last time he would ever get the chance to humiliate you and have a misogynist joke at your expense again.

I’d have replied to the waitress that heres a very nice tip for you, it’s unfortunate that your colleague and My husband are very small balled.

No reaction other than DSS who laughed but I’m used to that and took no notice.

Well the apple doesn’t fall from the tree in respect of DSS. Comments like that aren’t appropriate at any time, even if it just the lads talking

YANBU.

Your husband embarrassed himself. He must have low self esteem / be a people pleaser if felt so uncomfortable at you speaking about the issues.

Restaurants would much rather recieve feedback in real time so they can address in real time and take appropriate action than an unhappy customer posting online- which sticks.

It would give me the ick.

Grounds for a separation. What a pig.

Did you ask him why he wasn't 'man enough' to question the service that you were all paying for?

You know what to do next time you are out at a restaurant. Humiliate him, oh he's just had... go large, treat the fucker like he treated you.
Why do you put with this?

Fffs some women set the bar so low

Oh great, so he’s training up another misogynist arsehole as well. I hope he doesn’t have any daughters.

What on earth is "due on"?

Ugh how utterly undermining! Seems like the waiter could even see what a plonker he was despite your DH trying to be on his "side".

Bloke here, who can provide a male perspective.

I work with military and police, so am quite used to extremely black humour and highly offensive banter.

Which is generally great fun.

But not this. This pathetic ‘man’ is a total prick. What he said is so non-funny that I can hardly believe the story. To embarrass any woman like that - let alone one’s wife - is completely unacceptable. What was he trying to achieve?

If I’d been at the table I’d have told him so shut his fxxxxxg gob. What a dick. I’m actually feeling annoyed on the OP’s behalf.

Sounds like a complete ignoramus. This is like something Ricky Gervais would have said years ago in The Office, so a joke character taking the piss out of people that are that embarrassing, or a primary school kid. How embarrassing for him really, not you.

That could be a good way to drive the point home. Everyone agrees that David Brent is a sad pathetic insecure Beta, so whenever he says something like that I would repsond with "Oh here is David Brent again! Are you going to do the dance too?!"

Ask him how he'd feel in a similar situation if you said something ike "Sorry, he can't get it up these days, not that there's much to get up at the best of times".