Ashamed of the way DS is behaving

[Jensay]

Recently my youngest DD who is 20 convinced me to make an instagram account, I said yes and I’ve had it a couple of weeks. All of my children then voluntarily requested to follow me and accepted my request back, I haven’t forced myself on them. I’ve noticed with my eldest DS who is 29, incredibly intelligent, a solicitor and generally a lovely guy that the posts he makes on instagram make me feel ashamed. It’s mainly the stories feature I have an issue with but for example in the last day he’s posted several from a night out and I’d say his behaviour is unacceptable.
There was one of him and all his friends clearly a bit drunk just being loud and noisy on a train platform, then a clip of his girlfriend doing a cartwheel on the platform, generally the type of behaviour that would make me feel a bit intimidated if I were waiting for a train.
Then on the train, them all being really loud, popping a bottle of champagne, listening to music out loud etc. just no respect for the people around them at all.
Then similar just what I’d call antisocial and disorderly behaviour while they were on their night out.
I am aware he’s an adult and I have no control over his behaviour but I’m quite ashamed to have raised someone behaving like this at 29.
AIBU to feel this way?

I'm 72, last night I was travelling back from visiting one of my children. I had to change trains so was standing on the platform for 20 minutes late evening and was surrounded by loud, drunk football fans on their way home. I was alone and old and it really wasn't intimidating although I do find every other word being fuck rather boring, when the train came they stepped back and let me on first. They were just happy and I say that as a lifelong teetotaller.

As for the cartwheel I'd just be jealous, I wish I could cartwheel down the platform.

I wouldn't let it worry you.

Cartwheeling on a train platform isnt the wisest idea, particularly if alcohol is involved.
How old is the person that did this?
Do they not realise that trains will be pulling up at said platform? Is this for real?

No, there is no sign that says you must be quiet.

Doing a cartwheel is stupid but not the end of the world.

Ooops you were there with me then😆

It might be if they miscalculate and a train runs through the station 🤣

Very unlikely to happen to be fair, especially late at night

His girlfriend is 25, the cartwheel worried me too, actually the more info I’ve received the more worrying I find it, they had been out drinking since midday, been to 9 pubs, I imagine she was pretty drunk.
His girlfriend is generally a bit of a live wire and risk taker though so I can’t say her behaviour shocked me, just worried me!

How old are you? I think your post just shows a total lack of understanding of younger generations.

Most young people in this digital age (that isn’t going away), post things online. They grew up with social media, and use it innately. Older people who didn’t grow up with social media obviously interact with it differently, but ultimately there isn’t anything inherently strange about young people posting videos from a night out on stories.

You speak of this “need to post online”, when he merely has a private account with 70 followers. He clearly doesn’t have a big following, and it consists of his friends/family, so I’m not sure why posting it to them specifically is a big deal to you.

you speak about he should have “grown out of that by now”, but in reality you’re just coming across as a dinosaur.

9 pubs 😱

OP, it sounds like they had a great night. Just leave it.

He won't be offended because he'll know what you're like but they'll have had a good laugh at you. My mum had kids at 24 and spent our youth telling us to wait and enjoy more of our adult lives first because parenting, done right. Is all consuming. Turns out she was absolutely right and I would actively encourage anyone to wait until their 30s, so little of our lives is carefree, the luxury of holding on to that extra time is so wonderful. Let them enjoy themselves for goodness sake. There's nothing shameful in any of what you've reported. Well except maybe clutching your pears and being embarrassed as a parent, that's a bit shameful to me. That you'd feel a big emotion like shame over something so minor and interfere. I'd be embarrassed of myself for that.

I think I’d gently have to have a word with him. He’s 29, not 19. I’d probably just say to him to reflect on how his behaviour makes other passengers feel and to think about his impact on others. He’s a bit old to be carrying on like that. Be tactful though as you don’t want him falling out with you over it.

Sounds like an accident waiting to happen to me. Drunk woman cartwheeling on a train platform eek.

Surely no mum would want her daughter doing that.

I wouldnt put money on that. They might be moving rolling stock or running freight wagons through.
As my mother used to say, on your own head be it

Agree. To use words like ashamed is way over the top. It’s up to you if you mention anything but I would assume he will just limit what you can see in future if you do that and it won’t stop him.

also city Lawyers and bankers and the like (I know many) are usually like this when they let off steam (and not just drink either!).

Yeah. I mean it isn't clear exactly what she found so intimidating.

Admit it, most of us have been there. Had a day or night out, more drink taken than usual, louder than we should be on a train and being thoughtless to other passengers. It just seems like fun at the time, but in the cold light of day you realise what a twat you were. I'm just glad social media wasn't around in my clubbing days, especially the time running for the last train at Victoria Station not realising that my strapless top had ended up round my waist and I wasn't wearing a bra (I still blush with shame.....).

That said, as your son is a solicitor I would be having a quiet word, especially about posting on social media. I used to work for a big law firm, and we did have a couple of incidents where our trainees/young lawyers had gone out and photos had been posted online by others not in their group. We were all as a firm reminded in a fairly stinging email that nothing ever goes from the internet, and once it's out there it's out there, so just be careful. A lot of firms now are looking at social media profiles as part of their vetting process (I know our firm did) so it might be worth reminding him that as he is working in a professional environment anything posted online which shows him in a potentially damaging light could be detrimental to his career.

It may be worth reminding your son that potential employers will check social media accounts when people apply for jobs.

It is worth reading the OP’s posts where she has said he has a private account with 70 followers.

I’ve travelled through plenty of train stations at night to know it’s unlikely.

Unfollow him.
Sometimes in life, ignorance is bliss.

You think me going about my daily business in a quiet and reasonable way in public is going to be interpreted negatively?
Are you on glue?

This is so funny, a 25 yr old woman doing a cartwheel causing pearl clutching. Was it silly? Maybe, we weren't on the platform to know the space and layout or her gymnastics background

Nice bit of ageism there...

Is that meant to be offensive?

Like I said, you never know how other people may interpret your behaviour. How many threads are there on here about how quiet people are rude or stand-offish, for example?

Agree with this. Almost 30 is far, far too old for these shenanigans.