Ashamed of the way DS is behaving

[Jensay]

Recently my youngest DD who is 20 convinced me to make an instagram account, I said yes and I’ve had it a couple of weeks. All of my children then voluntarily requested to follow me and accepted my request back, I haven’t forced myself on them. I’ve noticed with my eldest DS who is 29, incredibly intelligent, a solicitor and generally a lovely guy that the posts he makes on instagram make me feel ashamed. It’s mainly the stories feature I have an issue with but for example in the last day he’s posted several from a night out and I’d say his behaviour is unacceptable.
There was one of him and all his friends clearly a bit drunk just being loud and noisy on a train platform, then a clip of his girlfriend doing a cartwheel on the platform, generally the type of behaviour that would make me feel a bit intimidated if I were waiting for a train.
Then on the train, them all being really loud, popping a bottle of champagne, listening to music out loud etc. just no respect for the people around them at all.
Then similar just what I’d call antisocial and disorderly behaviour while they were on their night out.
I am aware he’s an adult and I have no control over his behaviour but I’m quite ashamed to have raised someone behaving like this at 29.
AIBU to feel this way?

He sounds arrogant and patronising, like most solicitors. Let him get on with it, he’ll be laughing on the other side of his face when it all goes tits up.

I’d be concerned about him having that kind of stuff online, in case his employer or clients saw it. I would get his siblings to find out if that’s on his radar.

What are his friends/gf/colleagues like OP? Are they sort of posh and entitled and rowdy, as the champagne cork popping suggests? Or is it a sort of aspirational champagne cork popping?

I suppose I mean are we in Bullingdon Club, burning money in front of homeless people territory, or is it different?

do you think he's the only solicitor who goes out drinking with his mates?

That's actually really funny, I'm 27. I did stuff like this when I was 16.
I agree with the OP in that it all feels very juvenile because by his age my life has moved on a bit from all that and in fact I would find it a bit cringe if I saw it or other friends acting like this. But guess that just means our lives are in different places right now. I'm also a mum and have different responsibilities and I wouldn't particularly want to act like it, nor post it and can't quite relate to others that do.

Even if his posts are private, he needs to consider if the people he is with are also posting and who is seeing the posts.

I’d be embarrassed too, mostly because he’s 29 so needs to seriously grow up.

You can't help how you feel, as you'll probably feel weird seeing a different side to him from what you're used to.
He's an adult though. He hasn't done anything wrong from what I can see you've posted, you just don't "like" it.
Saying anything will probably just end up with you getting blocked from seeing any future posts so yeah, stay schtum

I was just thinking that too 😁 cartwheels and champagne cork popping sounds tame to me.
Sheesh, I'm glad we couldn't record nights out and it wasn't a thing back in the early 90s

He's 29. He can make these decisions without the guidance of his mother.

"cartwheel on the platform" sounds fucking terrifying on many levels.

I think he's trying to make edgy content to become an influencer.

I would be puzzled as to why he thinks it's ok to post these videos when in a professional job. I've been part of groups like this but would be fat too embarrassed to show the world as it is twattish behaviour 😕

He is a solicitor and if he gets into any sort of trouble with the law, he is at risk of, at best, losing his job or, at worst, getting debarred. He seems rather old to be behaving so stupidly and it might be a good idea to say something about the way he is behaving.

A cartwheel, popping champagne... Shocking!

I can understand feeling uncomfortable about it but honestly he’s not setting out to harm or shame anyone, he’s not being misogynistic (which is what I thought it might be when I saw your post), or racist or homophobic. He’s basically fitting in with a drinking culture among his friends and/or colleagues. It really could be A LOT worse and nice he wants to be friends with you on socials…. I’d let it lie and just avoid the posts!!!

Some of you are forgetting that the DS is 29 and has a professional career. Hes barely in his 20s anymore

At least it’s ok a private profile though, so ashamed maybe is a bit strong from OP

The perfect offspring is one that never tells you anything, in any shape or form.

You have a window into the hedonistic side of his life via technology that wasnt previously possible. As a teen I didn’t behave like that let alone as an adult almost 30 year old let alone as a professional solicitor. I think you should speak to him about his behaviour. He is probably not complying with the professional conduct required is solicitors or his firm
( usually there is sobering along the lines of not bringing the organisation / profession into disrepute). This is exactly the type of thing that catches folk out. Even if he unfrievds you so he can carry on it’s disrespectful anti social behaviour that he shouldn’t be doing let along broadcasting on instagram I think you are duty bound as a parent to say something. He should know better.

Why on earth? What an insane comment!

Are you implying there is some link between OP's DS's professional performance and how he behaves socially? How mad.

Just caught up with @Jensay updates. Honestly, I like the sound of your son, OP!

I think he answered directly and clearly but not reactively. I am pretty boring and conservative myself, don't go out really at all, rarely drink and would tend to be pretty judgy usually I think!

But I think that your son and pals were having a good time, a bit noisy / messy but not in any worrying way, not aggressive, intimidating or dangerous. His social media account is fine, it really is. 70 followers on a private account, he is posting stories which disappear, and the content is broadly innocuous.

I think he's doing fine - he's clearly successful and it sounds like he is having a good time in his social life too. There are undoubtedly years ahead of less socialising and more prudence when he marries / has kids / more senior roles, but I think he sounds pretty lovely and doing just fine now.