Ashamed of the way DS is behaving

[Jensay]

Recently my youngest DD who is 20 convinced me to make an instagram account, I said yes and I’ve had it a couple of weeks. All of my children then voluntarily requested to follow me and accepted my request back, I haven’t forced myself on them. I’ve noticed with my eldest DS who is 29, incredibly intelligent, a solicitor and generally a lovely guy that the posts he makes on instagram make me feel ashamed. It’s mainly the stories feature I have an issue with but for example in the last day he’s posted several from a night out and I’d say his behaviour is unacceptable.
There was one of him and all his friends clearly a bit drunk just being loud and noisy on a train platform, then a clip of his girlfriend doing a cartwheel on the platform, generally the type of behaviour that would make me feel a bit intimidated if I were waiting for a train.
Then on the train, them all being really loud, popping a bottle of champagne, listening to music out loud etc. just no respect for the people around them at all.
Then similar just what I’d call antisocial and disorderly behaviour while they were on their night out.
I am aware he’s an adult and I have no control over his behaviour but I’m quite ashamed to have raised someone behaving like this at 29.
AIBU to feel this way?

Yes, at 29 you must be staid and serious and never laugh or joke or behave like a fool for even a second.

This is what I mean, absolutely

I don't think anyone on London transport will look at me going about my business for one nano second and think " oh, that woman is quiet and stand offish and it offends me"
That's so ridiculous! Why are you continuing to try to make a spurious case against me for no good reason? Actually, you don't need to answer that- though I suspect you will...
I'm not going to respond to you any further.
The glue comment is a well known mumsnet expression- take it as you will.

I'm not, I'm just trying to make the point that there's no need to judge people for just having fun with their mates - you're the one who's decided to take it personally and seriously.

It's just an internet forum 🙄

This is exactly why kids don’t want to add their parents on social media. 🙄 your kids will act differently when they’re with their friends. Stop trying to control everything.

Maybe you should try to replicate his behaviour on your local platform and post it on your (locked down) stories …. See what he says.

Lord, how many more times. It was a sarcastic response to a post that you presumably didn't read.

My apologies- I missed the sarcasm in your post.
In my defence, there's so much of it on mumsnet, I thought it was meant seriously.

Platforms are pretty wide and assuming she cartwheeled along the platform (not towards the track!) and well away from the edge she would be in no more danger than running, apart from possibly putting her hands on broken glass (or dog poo).

Oh here we go again with the tedious pearl clutching comment. How about a drunk woman having some sense of personal safety on a train platform? Her choice of course, she’s not the first or last to compromise her wellbeing when drunk.

I thought she was drunk? Maybe she was sober and I assumed wrong.

It is worth reading the OP’s posts where she has said he has a private account with 70 followers

And worth understanding that any one of those 70 people can film this playing and re-post it in a way that it’s not private along with details such as people’s names. All it takes is a falling out with girlfriend/boyfriend/friend/family, and it’s a possibility.

Like I said, I wouldnt put money on It it.depends whereabouts you are. If you are near to a mainline station, Marshalling yard or frieght depot, there will probably be late night movement.

Or vomit 🤢

Or a fast train whooshing through and taking you with it in its slipstream 😉😉

I wouldn’t phone, I’d probably text. Tbh I’d probably frame it more as being concerned his drunk girlfriend wasn’t looking after her safety cartwheeling on a train platform when drunk.

That wouldn’t be good. 😕

Noone got hurt, she's absolutely fine, she risk assessed and was fine

For sure. Year’s ago I didn’t realise I was sitting in a quiet carriage and my almost deaf mother phoned me. My voice was louder than usual (I was just telling her I was on a train and couldn’t talk - I don’t like talking in the phone on trains) and I was given quite the telling off from the lady behind me. 😞

She’s a live wire and a risk taker - aka I’m mad me 😁

No I didn’t. Thanks for pointing it out 😂

While your DS account is private - what he can’t “police” if someone else on the train films their antics and puts it up on public social media and then its for all to see - including his bosses / clients / potential clients. Sadly I have seen others caught out by this happening and as a result for one a job offer they had received from the professional firm my DH worked at was withdrawn as they were seen a potentially bringing the firm into disrepute. While it doesn’t happen often it can and that is what your DS should worry about - someone else not in his group filming and posting.

I would have no qualms about telling my child at any age when they're behaving like a dick. Noisy behaviour on a train at the weekend when people are going to nights out is pretty much par for the course and I think you need to accept an element of that of you're using public transport at the weekends, but things like playing loud music tips it into intolerable for other passengers. I've been on both sides - I've probably been a nuisance on a train (not at 30 years of age it must be said) and I've also been on a train with a young child frightened by people being a nuisance. We live and learn and I maybe wouldn't have been receptive to someone telling me I was being a dick but they would have been within their rights. I wouldn't be tiptoeing around him, I'd be telling him outright.

Also I don't think the issue here is his job. It wouldn't be any more ok if he was unemployed

I have tried to warn DS about the social media side and he seems very unworried.
He reiterated he has 70 odd followers, all of whom he knows and the account itself is private.
Then when I pointed out others could share the posts or record their own and post them. He said that didn’t worry him as at that point the post is no longer associated with his name, and even if they did tag him he could just remove the tag.
I warned him just to be careful and he replied “only someone born before socials took off, would worry this much and you clearly don’t know how the average lawyer is behaving on nights out if you think this is career ending bad”.

Maybe she still had her faculties, presumably reasonably at least to land a xartwheel