Ashamed of the way DS is behaving

[Jensay]

Recently my youngest DD who is 20 convinced me to make an instagram account, I said yes and I’ve had it a couple of weeks. All of my children then voluntarily requested to follow me and accepted my request back, I haven’t forced myself on them. I’ve noticed with my eldest DS who is 29, incredibly intelligent, a solicitor and generally a lovely guy that the posts he makes on instagram make me feel ashamed. It’s mainly the stories feature I have an issue with but for example in the last day he’s posted several from a night out and I’d say his behaviour is unacceptable.
There was one of him and all his friends clearly a bit drunk just being loud and noisy on a train platform, then a clip of his girlfriend doing a cartwheel on the platform, generally the type of behaviour that would make me feel a bit intimidated if I were waiting for a train.
Then on the train, them all being really loud, popping a bottle of champagne, listening to music out loud etc. just no respect for the people around them at all.
Then similar just what I’d call antisocial and disorderly behaviour while they were on their night out.
I am aware he’s an adult and I have no control over his behaviour but I’m quite ashamed to have raised someone behaving like this at 29.
AIBU to feel this way?

Why are you so angry at people who are different to you? What harm is she doing you if she does identify as such things? Why are you so intolerant

I’m not angry but I do have a dislike of people messing around on train platforms. Maybe it’s because I see so much of it, daytime, evening, adults, kids, I don’t get it, my kids weren’t allowed to run around one. It’s a bugbear of mine.

Tbh OP I’d just leave him to it now. You’ve said how you feel so it’s up to him if he heeds it or not. Like my pleas to my son to give up vaping/smoking there’s no point in continuing if they’re not interested.

He's 29 not a kid

Its all great fun at 18 or 19.
Less so when pushing 30
Quite sad really 😞

You need to stop looking. You’re being very judgemental and you’ll start losing his trust / relationship if you keep needling him.

Nothing you’ve described sounds that bad. They weren’t being aggressive, just loud.

DH’s mother used to comment (negatively, to his face) on DH’s social media ALL the time (mostly because he’d repost political commentary and she’s very conservative). It was annoying and changed nothing but his tolerance towards her.

I know that 😁 I’m just saying it’s not something I've ever thought was ok, man, woman or child to play on a train platform like you’re in a park or playground.

No, you're the one to make it personal by asking me personally how I behaved in my twenties.
It's ironic you are telling me not to judge the man in question, whilst you are clearly judging me for holding that view! 🙄

Blimey. I tbought he must've done something awful. Fun. He's 29 not 99. Lighten up.

I thought you weren't responding to me anymore? 😉

How can you "warn him about the social media side" when you've only just created an Instagram account and presumably know a lot less about it than he does?

People keep going back to this "other people could share it or show his employer" thing, but you haven't said anything to suggest that his behavior would in any way concern an employer.

I changed my mind about replying because I wanted to correct you when you said that it was me who made it personal. My prerogative obviously to change my mind.

I didn't say you'd made it personal though, I said you'd "taken it personally" - not the same thing

@KaleidoscopeSmile not my pals but on this thread….

^^
This.

OP, is this behaviour typical every weekend or an occasional celebration?

Yes it's a bit antisocial for others on the train or platform, but not threatening.
And posting on his private Instagram on stories feature is pretty standard. If he was being filmed behaving obnoxiously towards others then there would be risk of someone else filming and sharing and him being identified. But this just sounds a bit like (noisy) fun with friends.

He’s almost 30 and a qualified lawyer. You’re talking about him - and to him - as if he’s a naive child who doesn’t know how the world works. He really doesn’t need you to issue warnings.

You don’t know better than him just because you’re older than he is, or because you’re his mother. You’re being overbearing and patronising to wag your finger at him over his nights out and/or his social media. He’s a grown adult just as you are.

Ok. You're extremely judgemental in general. Why? Why do you find others behaving differently to you to be a problem? Those who are loud, or so things they think are fun but you don't. So what?

Op said she's 25. That's young. What were you doing at 25?

Not cart wheeling on train platforms!!
Last time I cart wheeled i was about 10 😆

I think I was 15 but why shouldn't a 25 yr old be carefree?

Lol why why why. Why not 🤷‍♀️

See and this is the side of the story you didnt see of your embarrassing child. He spotted something vulnerable and probably made her night. There is a huge difference between drunk 'professionals' and drunk yobs.

Internal misogyny and ageism - whatever your own age - isn't anything to congratulate yourself about

Fair enough. He's heard your reaction and is sure that he wants to continue. You can't do anything else, but you might prefer to stop following him on social media to avoid seeing more of the same.

@Jensay In light of your latest update, can we have the name of your son’s firm so we know to avoid it?