Ashamed of the way DS is behaving

[Jensay]

Recently my youngest DD who is 20 convinced me to make an instagram account, I said yes and I’ve had it a couple of weeks. All of my children then voluntarily requested to follow me and accepted my request back, I haven’t forced myself on them. I’ve noticed with my eldest DS who is 29, incredibly intelligent, a solicitor and generally a lovely guy that the posts he makes on instagram make me feel ashamed. It’s mainly the stories feature I have an issue with but for example in the last day he’s posted several from a night out and I’d say his behaviour is unacceptable.
There was one of him and all his friends clearly a bit drunk just being loud and noisy on a train platform, then a clip of his girlfriend doing a cartwheel on the platform, generally the type of behaviour that would make me feel a bit intimidated if I were waiting for a train.
Then on the train, them all being really loud, popping a bottle of champagne, listening to music out loud etc. just no respect for the people around them at all.
Then similar just what I’d call antisocial and disorderly behaviour while they were on their night out.
I am aware he’s an adult and I have no control over his behaviour but I’m quite ashamed to have raised someone behaving like this at 29.
AIBU to feel this way?

I am over 60 now and retired but what I have observed over the years is the rise of the "kidult" I dont know who coined that but its very accurate. Young people who used to act daft in their teens used to have calmed down by about early 20s and settled down got on the property ladder etc. Now it seems that many are getting into their 30s and still behaving as if they were teenagers. I know that I would be horrified if my kids were still acting like silly teens when approaching 30 😬

Did you behave perfectly in your twenties OP, with total awareness of everyone around you? I very much doubt it.

The comments on here are borderline ridiculous IMO - he’s a young lad in his 20’s out with his mates - his behaviour is totally normal.

Does seem strange behaviour to advertise publicly online for a 29 yr old solicitor.....
Is his instagram public ?

This.
Twenty nine is way too old to be behaving in this way.

Hes nearly 30. Time to stop acting the clown, methinks

I think you’re massively over reacting, and anyone travelling in London on public transport will be used to far, far worse. Even when travelling alone I like watching the groups of youngsters having innocent fun and enjoying their twenties, we’ve all been there.

No, he's not a 'young lad'. A young lad is someone aged 16-20.
This is someone who is 29 and is well and truly an adult, even if he isn't acting as one.
He needs to grow up and start developing some integrity.

I’ve done my fair share of idiotic things when drunk and luckily never filmed. However, you’re totally right I was 18-21 at the time

So many people crawling out from under their rocks to clutch their pearls in public

It's a train platform cartwheel and some champagne, not molly off the Berghain toilet floor.

Your DS and his friends sound like obnoxious dicks, I would be embarrassed too. 29 is far too old for that kind of behaviour. And he’s a solicitor? Only a matter of time before his drunken japes get him into a scrape that could have professional consequences.

If it was my son, I’d definitely be having a serious word.

Well, he hasn't changed just because you now know more about him.
You can't unsee what you have seen but you can unfollow to not see anything else that might upset you.

Nothing on social media is fully private.
Just mention "oh i read that nothing on social media is fully private. Is your company happy if that video gets out?"

I’m a middle-aged woman in London and avoid using the tube late at night because of obnoxious morons like the OP’s son and his friends. Playing music out loud, boorish, noisy and dangerous behaviour - it’s very irritating for other passengers and can be intimidating when it’s a group of them.

BTW, you’re not allowed to have open containers of alcohol on TfL public transport, and it’s the same in other towns and cities. Hopefully, the little oik will get fined or nicked by the BTP for drunk & disorderly at some point and that will fk up his legal career.

You mean a woman doing cartwheels on a train platform, unless OP’s 29 year old son is dating a girl? That doesn’t have to be intimidating but a train platform is not the place for tomfoolery by adults, nevermind kids which is bad enough.

Where's the lack of integrity in what he's doing?

Why? Is there an age limit on fooling about and having fun?

This is the post

www.facebook.com/share/p/1DDUaLPvX1/

You are lucky your children allow you to follow them. Mine don’t .

YABU. I thought you were going to say that they were hassling people or being sexist. What you describe just sounds like high spirits. You must be easily intimidated if you'd be scared by a girl turning cartwheels and some people popping champagne. What a fuss about nothing!

@Fountofwisdom you want someone's career to end just because you've decided they're having too much fun? You sound very bitter.

I wouldn’t say anything, it’s immature but not disgusting.

Well it's hardly responsible or respectful behaviour in public is it?

Also, why on earth do you and your kids follow each other on Instagram!? I would never accept a follow request from my mother in a million years, if she even had Instagram.

I'm in my 50s and I'd rather stick with them on the train than the lone guy, furtively peeking out of his hoodie. Also, guess who's more likely to come and help you with something. It won't be that group of older women, they'll pretend they haven't noticed you're upset, unwell or in difficulty. I've had my best times on the last train out of Liverpool Street, especially at Christmas. People of all ages looking out for each other and having fun. He's still the hardworking son you know and love. In the words of my "charming" 15 year old ... "it's not that deep".

Sounds like your boys a bit posh, a bit spoiled, a bit of a city boy! If I saw him on the train I'd probably tut, roll my eyes, and hope I could move to a different carriage. Hopefully he's not a misogynist like so many of the city boys I've encountered.

You can't really help his behaviour at this stage. Lots of us are different people in different circumstances though OP, don't worry. He won't be like it all the time.