Ashamed of the way DS is behaving

[Jensay]

Recently my youngest DD who is 20 convinced me to make an instagram account, I said yes and I’ve had it a couple of weeks. All of my children then voluntarily requested to follow me and accepted my request back, I haven’t forced myself on them. I’ve noticed with my eldest DS who is 29, incredibly intelligent, a solicitor and generally a lovely guy that the posts he makes on instagram make me feel ashamed. It’s mainly the stories feature I have an issue with but for example in the last day he’s posted several from a night out and I’d say his behaviour is unacceptable.
There was one of him and all his friends clearly a bit drunk just being loud and noisy on a train platform, then a clip of his girlfriend doing a cartwheel on the platform, generally the type of behaviour that would make me feel a bit intimidated if I were waiting for a train.
Then on the train, them all being really loud, popping a bottle of champagne, listening to music out loud etc. just no respect for the people around them at all.
Then similar just what I’d call antisocial and disorderly behaviour while they were on their night out.
I am aware he’s an adult and I have no control over his behaviour but I’m quite ashamed to have raised someone behaving like this at 29.
AIBU to feel this way?

All this is true enough. However, as a parent myself, if I felt my child was doing / was considering doing something I felt “ill-advised”, I would feel duty-bound to let them know.

It is up to them whether they accept or disregard my advice, of course.

Young man has fun, more breaking news at ten

So I did send him a little message, nothing harsh just
“looks like you had a bit of a wild night, not sure I’d have wanted to be in the same train carriage as you and not sure your boss would want to see what you posted, but I’m glad you had fun”

He’s just replied with “haha yep was a wild one, don’t worry about anyone seeing it, it’s just stories” followed by “oh and we had a granny sharing our carriage with us who ended up having a glass of champagne with us, you’d have missed out if you didn’t share with us”

It wasn’t TFL or anything it was an LNER train and they were travelling back from having done a birthday pub crawl/pub golf in their friends home town.

I think lots of people behave differently in different social settings. He is in a different “mode” late at night, surrounded by other people presumably also on a night out than when he is in work or around family for example. So long as he wasn’t doing anything illegal or immoral I don’t think I’d mention it. Sounds like he’s just having a good time and not harming anyone.

It sounds as though he was reading the room OP. He'd noticed the older woman (granny indeed!) and she was happy with the situation. That's less concerning than a total disregard for other people. I have to say I've been in similar situations to the 'granny' with rowdy crowds at night, but for the most part they have friendly and inclusive and quite fun tbh.

Posh city boy?!?
this is the behaviour we have on our local train on Friday and Saturday evening.
The same behaviour that means the police is also usually on the train and alcohol isn’t allowed.
So yes the champagne might give it this feeling of posh.
But the behaviour is just plain anti social, ‘I’m having fun and getting drunk so it’s all ok’ type of behaviour that you get from all social groups. Because I can promise you, the people on our local train are anything but posh.

I had a great time in my twenties! And thirties! In London. However, it didn't involve embarrassing myself with lairy behaviour that also impinges on other people.

What's "career damaging" about having a couple of drinks and listening to music on a train?

Because it shows immaturity and also an entitled attitude. That’s not a good look for a solicitor at nearly 30yo. Always amazes me, people on public transport who think they can foist their music/movie/YouTube etc on the rest of the carriage, how utterly self-centred. My work does a cursory search on potential applicants we flag as wanting to interview, and then a deep dive on the top two if we then have identified candidates. No idea how, as not my area, no idea if someone in HR/recruitment does it or they hand it to BT, don’t know or care really, but it’s a compulsory step before we can progress to a discussion of offer.

How do you know other people didn't view your behaviour in the same way people are viewing this lads' behaviour?

But as has been said, these are stories - they disappear after 24 hours, never to be seen again unless someone has screenshot it and posted it elsewhere.~

Any future "deep dives" won't show anything.

Exactly.

So many of these responses are overly "earnest" and perfect - I can guarantee that every single poster on here has behaved in a stupid way in public and caused someone else embarrassment or to cringe on their behalf.

We're talking about a 29 year old adult - what he posts on his socials is entirely up to him - just as how he behaves in public is entirely his decision. He doesn't need mummy fretting and sending him messages about how inappropriate he is, and I'm sure he doesn't care that a bunch of strangers online are clutching their pearls either 😂

24 hours only? It really is about wanking off in front of each other, isn’t it?

Er... Because I wasn't behaving in a lairy way.
This is getting a bit silly now, so please leave it now.

Yes, 24 hours only. Not sure what the rest of your comment is meant to be about but it's not like these posts are there forever.

It's not silly at all. We never know how other people interpret our behaviour.

Nope. Sick of people behaving on train platforms like it’s a safe place or their back garden. Recently there were two lads, not horrible or anything, about 7/8yrs old, running up and down the platform playing chase, no spacial awareness, shrieking and laughing, and their gormless mother just standing there like it was the school playground.

I don’t mind if adults are having a good time or drinking on trains as long as they’re not being obnoxiously loud.

It's been said a couple of times, it's a private account.

I don’t why the pearl clutching accusation gets thrown around on MN like it’s supposed to insult, belittle or embarrass someone. I’m an out and proud pearl clutcher thank you 😊

I know. Older women are such twats aren't they? Gossipy, judgy bastards, all of them.

II didn’t say I want it to end, but he’s a full grown adult in a professional job, which (like teachers/police/doctors) is held to higher standards of behaviour. If he’s behaving like a knob on a night out, he deserves the consequences.

I bet you’d be the first to moan if you were alone in a tube carriage with these muppets, drinking, playing music and being obnoxious!

I’m a teacher and, quite rightly, would face consequences if my employers got wind of me behaving like this and posting it on SM.

It's not meant to be an insult, it's just a perfect descriptor of a lot of the posters on this thread.

Me too. I’d rather clutch my pearls than be an anti social lout. It’s not cool to engage in public behaviour that could intimidate other users of the shared space. Keep your arsehole attitude for your own four walls.

I think you’re deliberately missing the point btw

No such thing as ‘private’ on SM, and anyone who thinks their stuff is truly private is deluded. Once it’s out there, you have no control over what your friends/acquaintances might do with it.

An ex or a ‘friend’ could easily screenshot something and send it to an employee to be malicious. Or not even being malicious, they might share something with another group, thinking it’s hilarious, and then it's uncontrollable. People get caught out with stuff like this all the time!

And here we go, with women tearing other women down, whilst defending arsehole young men behaving obnoxiously. Says it all about MN 🙄